I don't know what to think anymore.

[JAnon]

My story is long, if you do not wish to take time and read such a tale I suggest that you leave now.

The Long Version:
About two years ago an old friend from High School showed up at my door, she was crying. As she walked through the door I did not know what to say, I've had feelings for this girl since I met her, she was like a sister to me but I wanted more then to be just friends. My friend walked in and took a spot upon my couch as I fetched her a glass of water, we both sat down and started to discuss what had happened, apparently her ex-boyfriend of two months was "Using" her and stated that he called her a inappropriate name for not letting the boyfriend "Touch" her in a perverse way and after this he struck her. By the time this statement was done and she was going to take another breath I was completely outraged, I felt so horrible as I do now. My chest began to swell and I wanted to "Kill" the boyfriend, I could not find him. This girl is my friend, my love, and everything I've ever wanted from another person. This was not some preadolescence love, but the true thing between her and I. I offered for her to stay the night, and as I was laying in my bed I felt a soft touch upon my cheek to find her laying next to me, I'm not going to go in to details with what happened but in short she proclaimed her feelings for me and as did I for her, she spent the next week at my home and my life was complete. But this was just the beginning.

After the week had passed I told her that we are going to get away, just the two of us. The trip was great and perhaps the single best moment of my life. She got her own apartment and we began to date, about six months in to the relationship I hear a knock on my door, by this point she was living in my apartment as well. But what happened next was one of the most challenging moments of my life, the man that stood at the door was the boyfriend that had so violently hurt her, immediately upon realizing who it was I asked him to leave before I was forced to call the police, I heard footsteps behind me as my girlfriend approached. Upon the sight of the boyfriend she broke in to tears, I began to comfort her as the boyfriend still stood in the door way, she then walked over to him and began to hug him. At this point I was dazed beyond all belief, the man who has caused her so much pain was receiving a hug from my girlfriend. My stomach immediately became tense and I wanted to crawl in a corner and wish I was never born, she turned to me and said "I love you." and ran back towards me. I was completely confused as to what had just happened. By the time I gazed back at the door the boyfriend was gone, and I had no idea what had happened.

One month after this occurrence I decided to visit my girlfriend at work, when I arrived in her office I was but utterly shocked by what I was to see. The boyfriend was in a office suite standing near the water cooler bragging about how was going to have sexual intercourse with my girlfriend, when the man turned and saw me he offered a simple "Hello, how have you been". I offered no answer and walked immediately to my girlfriends office to confront her about the boyfriend working in the same building. She said that he had been there for a month and that she was glad he had returned, I was furious with both the boyfriend and her. Later that evening both my girlfriend and I where eating dinner and she said "I don't think this is working out". At the sound of this I wanted to die, I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest with nerves still attached and thrust in to the abyss.

Two months later, I see her standing at the bus station. When I notice that there is no where to sit on the bus except for of course with her I walked calmly over and sat down without even saying a "Hello". About ten minutes in to the bus ride she glances over at me and actually notices that it is me and not a random stranger. She wrapped her arms around me while saying my name aloud like a long lost friend, after this occurrence we began to talk once again and we begin to get close, at this time she was still dating the boyfriend that was previously mentioned in my tale. About two weeks later she becomes single once again and we are close as ever. She tells me that she loves me and I tell her that I love her, but we still are not dating. One week later I am on the bus along with her, I sit there waiting for her to sit down with me but I see her glance past my shoulder and notice the boyfriend is sitting right behind me. She asked if she could sit with him this one time and I notice that she still cares for him, so I say "Yes". I want her to be as happy as can be, and what can one day hurt right? Wrong, after about fifteen minutes in to the bus ride I hear the sounds of laughter and other random flirtatious remarks, I turn to see that the boyfriend has his arms around my girlfriends shoulder and I immediately stood and thrust my fist to his face, as I walked off the bus with rage my girlfriend followed, I told her that I was done and I don't know what to do anymore.

One week later she is sitting with me once again, and I pretend to not be interested but she begins to softly caress my hand between hers and I can not but help think of the good times we had together, I am weakened by the very sight of this women.

This is the present time that I write this story, I do not know what do to. She seems like she still does have feelings for me but she so continuously returns to the boyfriend. This is why I am lost, my heart swoons like an ocean with the single sound of her voice and I can not but think what it would be like if we where together. I love this women, I don't want to leave but I don't know what to do. Can someone please help me and give me some advice?

The Short Version:
It is to hard to explain in such short words, if you do not wish to help I still do respect you but I do wish that you will at least glance my story.

[Doc Durian]

What a load of bollocks.

[sehvral]

Short Version: Guy loves girl. Girl vacillates between guy and violent ex, repeatedly proclaiming her love for both. Guy punches violent ex. Guy doesn't want to leave girl.

She can't decide who she wants, and neither of you seem willing to force her to choose. Which is exactly what you need to do. Tell her the games have to stop, she has to choose who she wants. No more bouncing, no more games.

If she chooses him, you quit cold turkey. Any guy who can say "heart swoons like an ocean" with a straight face can't handle moderation. You've gotta quit cold turkey to break the addiction.

[Doc Durian]

He needs to turf her. She's a nut.

Imagine if they marry and she's torn between a freewheeling life of no family and family?

The packed lunches could have traces of rat poison and pure vanilla in them... simultaneously.

[JAnon]

That's the problem, I'm afraid that if I do tell her to choose that she will choose him. But I will follow your advice, I tire of this constant issue as well. I love her, but I can not keep doing this.

[Doc Durian]

Why does SHE have to choose?

You choose what's right for you and psychopathic cheater be damned... eh?

Dating is supposed to be a safe way to reveal whether your fast flame is your eternal fire. She's burning on two fronts and leaping between the fire pits wherever the easiest burning fuel exposes itself.

Grow a log and use it as a fire break.

[burtontj88]

thats unfortunate

[tidydarts]

tricky, tricky situation - i'm not sure you want to keep being cajoled into jumping on and off this rollercoaster. i think it is possible to have feelings for 2 people like this woman obviously does, but there's a fair expectation that people have to make a definitive decision at some point (something i've recently done) it's no fun being any point of a love triangle and at some point 1 or all 3 have to walk away from it. stand up for yourself and state that this is not acceptable and be prepared (as much as you can be) for either outcome.

[Doc Durian]

If you're in a "love triangle", you need to walk away from all parties and not just one.

(unless there is something like a child at stake, and even then... the wrongs must be righted and worked through)