How to make him feel better when he's upset??

[jessZ]

So whenever my bf suffers a dissapointment or bad luck, he gets really really down and is extremely critical of himself. Example - tonight he flooded his apartment inadvertently whilst doing some washing, and is now verrrry upset about the cost of fixing it, and keeps saying how stupid he is for not setting up the washing machine etc, he even went as far to say it has 'ruined his whole week' which to me, frankly, is ridiculous.

I'm quite an philosophical person in situatioms such as the above, and will just write off the cost and say to myself "oh well", then move on. He finds it hard to move on. The thing is, everything I say to him seems to make it worse (I just try to emphasise ways to fix it, say people make that mistake all the time etc). I hate seeing him down and grumpy, how can I react better to this behaviour?? It's hard to relate.

[VincenzoG91]

While it may seem helpful, don't say anything that seems dismissive of whatever he is currently upset over. Acknowledge that whatever has happened is disappointing or bad, and express sympathy. Offer to help if that seems appropriate, but otherwise let him suffer alone. Some people feel the need to wallow in their misery before they can move on. In this case, it might even be helpful to him, so that he remembers exactly what he did wrong and will never make that same mistake again.

[girl68]

Frankly flooding your basement would ruin my whole month. Where shall I pull out the money to fix it out my ass? If you keep making it worse I think maybe you should just leave him alone. Offer your help and then leave him alone if he refuses.

[VincenzoG91]

Yeah, flooding the apartment is pretty serious. Even if he has renter's insurance to cover the damage, there is still the smell and the potential for mold or mildew. And depending on his set-up, maybe there were other problems, like his computer got fried or some books got ruined. If you told him that it's no big deal, you were kind of insulting him, even if you didn't mean it.

[dewilliams2]

I don't like to be reminded when I **** something up...when I have I know I have I try to fix it and move on. Bj would probably cheer him up.

[Gigabitch]

Flooding an entire basement is a huge deal and can become ridiculously costly. I flooded half of my office once, years ago. The remediation was very involved. Fortunately, my boss had recently crashed his car into mine, so I wasn't the only clown in the big tent over there.

Anyway, I know this sounds trite, but a shot of bourbon and a blowjob goes a long way toward restoring a man's equilibrium.

[dewilliams2]

Anyway, I know this sounds trite, but a shot of bourbon and a blowjob goes a long way toward restoring a man's equilibrium.

She is right...listen to this wisdom.

[jessZ]

lol, well he gets plenty of those, irrespective of the circumstances.

[Chris_]

Doing anything to counteract what he's feeling is gonna make a huge difference. I would suggest any of the following:
- Take him out for a bite to eat.
- The two of you going out for a few drinks.
- doing something out of the blue for the guy. Not enough women do this. Drop him off a lunch at work or anything along those lines. He feels like crap and here you show up the next day with lunch in hand for him.

Things like this are gonna make him think that YOU don't think any less of him. In time, he's gonna have to get better though, cause both you and I know the chances of you becoming emotionally exhausted from his low-self-esteem are quite high. He's gonna have to figure the rest out on his own. He's a man.

[nerdy_guy]

So whenever my bf suffers a dissapointment or bad luck, he gets really really down and is extremely critical of himself. Example - tonight he flooded his apartment inadvertently whilst doing some washing, and is now verrrry upset about the cost of fixing it, and keeps saying how stupid he is for not setting up the washing machine etc, he even went as far to say it has 'ruined his whole week' which to me, frankly, is ridiculous.

I'm quite an philosophical person in situatioms such as the above, and will just write off the cost and say to myself "oh well", then move on. He finds it hard to move on. The thing is, everything I say to him seems to make it worse (I just try to emphasise ways to fix it, say people make that mistake all the time etc). I hate seeing him down and grumpy, how can I react better to this behaviour?? It's hard to relate.

Its a bit like the chinese finger torture toy. Instead of pulling it, just relax and it'll set you free. Sometimes, the best way to console someone is to say a lot less. Its like when my woman gets upset over something, I just smile, hug her, and tell her to let it go. she does calm down a bit. although at times, there are things that are a bit harder to let go, so I just keep quiet and let her ramble on until she feels better.