Mixed signals .. please help!

[newyork09]

Okay, so I'm in a really confusing situation, and I'm torn over what to do, so some suggestions would be a huge help!

There's a guy who I've known for a few years now - let's call him Dave - but we've only really become friends within the last couple of years. We took an A-Level class together last year and chatted lots, and got to know each other, which is how the whole thing started really!

Anyway, around May last year, he asked my best friend if I was interested in anyone, and told her he was planning to ask me out. At the time, I liked him a bit (I always had had a thing for him) but I really had more feelings for a good friend of his. So, when he came over to our group one lunchtime, he was hinting that he was going to ask me out - he jokingly suggested coming along to an event with me - but he never actually asked me. As it happens, I probably would have said no, because it wasn't fair on him if I had strong feelings for a good friend of his.

So around November, I realised that I actually really liked him, enough to regret not having done anything more back in May, especially seeing as my feelings for his friend had gone. I made an extra effort to say hey to him whenever I passed him in the corridors at school, and when he passed by me and my group of friends at lunchtimes, he was always looking over at me (my friends actually noticed this first, and pointed it out that this happened every time he went past). I also had a conversation with him for the first time in a while, and he was giving me really good signs - he was smiling a lot, and seemed to be listening carefully to what I was saying. The conversation just flowed, it wasn't really awkward, and he made lots of eye contact.

I was encouraged by the signs so I thought it was worth pursuing something with him, so I asked one of his best friends if he had his eye on anyone. However, my best friend spoke to him on the bus (not telling him that I was interested, but he may have guessed), and he told her that he just wanted to be single at the moment.

I decided at that point to try and move on, even though it was hard because I'd been encouraged by the good signals he gave me. Then, I ended up going to a party the night after I'd made that decision, and he was also there. I resolved to pick out a couple of guys, who weren't him, to distract me and just to have fun dancing. But later on, he was dancing around us, and I was getting a bit hands-on with another guy. I saw him looking out of the corner of my eye, and he moved over soon afterwards to dance with me on our own. He was very drunk, and getting very close to me and maybe more might have happened, except I felt quite ill and not really wanting it to go any further if he wouldn't remember it the day after. A few of my friends who knew about the situation, including my best friend, said that they thought he liked me because of what they'd seen that night. My best friend said that he'd seemed jealous about the other guy, and my guy friend (who knows 'Dave') said that Dave had seemed happier when I was around.

I wasn't sure what to expect after the party - I knew he'd been drunk and so his actions might just have been because of that. We were both a bit awkward around each other afterwards, but I have noticed him looking over still, though not quite as much as before. A mutual friend of us both told me a couple of days ago that he had liked me, but that was then and this is now - and that he didn't have a habit of liking the same person more than once. Even though she didn't say it directly, that implied to me that he didn't like me in that way any more. Except, he is still giving me mixed signals! I keep catching him looking in my direction, and he seems to be going out of his way to drive past me on the way home from school every day, which I can't remember him doing before.

So, I can't decide whether this is a lost cause or whether it's worth keeping interested. I mean, the easiest option seems to be to back off from the whole thing a bit, but to keep an open mind, in case he changes his mind. He's not a player; he's a really sweet guy who would never deliberately mess anyone around. Some of my friends have suggested talking to him to clear the awkwardness, and maybe trying to just find out from him, because then I'd have peace of mind and a definite answer. But I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do! If I'm honest, I know that the logical thing to do is assume that nothing is going to happen, but there's a massive part of me which just wants to hang on in case! So what should I do?

[carl1222]

Okay, so I'm in a really confusing situation, and I'm torn over what to do, so some suggestions would be a huge help!

There's a guy who I've known for a few years now - let's call him Dave - but we've only really become friends within the last couple of years. We took an A-Level class together last year and chatted lots, and got to know each other, which is how the whole thing started really!

Anyway, around May last year, he asked my best friend if I was interested in anyone, and told her he was planning to ask me out. At the time, I liked him a bit (I always had had a thing for him) but I really had more feelings for a good friend of his. So, when he came over to our group one lunchtime, he was hinting that he was going to ask me out - he jokingly suggested coming along to an event with me - but he never actually asked me. As it happens, I probably would have said no, because it wasn't fair on him if I had strong feelings for a good friend of his.

So around November, I realised that I actually really liked him, enough to regret not having done anything more back in May, especially seeing as my feelings for his friend had gone. I made an extra effort to say hey to him whenever I passed him in the corridors at school, and when he passed by me and my group of friends at lunchtimes, he was always looking over at me (my friends actually noticed this first, and pointed it out that this happened every time he went past). I also had a conversation with him for the first time in a while, and he was giving me really good signs - he was smiling a lot, and seemed to be listening carefully to what I was saying. The conversation just flowed, it wasn't really awkward, and he made lots of eye contact.

I was encouraged by the signs so I thought it was worth pursuing something with him, so I asked one of his best friends if he had his eye on anyone. However, my best friend spoke to him on the bus (not telling him that I was interested, but he may have guessed), and he told her that he just wanted to be single at the moment.

I decided at that point to try and move on, even though it was hard because I'd been encouraged by the good signals he gave me. Then, I ended up going to a party the night after I'd made that decision, and he was also there. I resolved to pick out a couple of guys, who weren't him, to distract me and just to have fun dancing. But later on, he was dancing around us, and I was getting a bit hands-on with another guy. I saw him looking out of the corner of my eye, and he moved over soon afterwards to dance with me on our own. He was very drunk, and getting very close to me and maybe more might have happened, except I felt quite ill and not really wanting it to go any further if he wouldn't remember it the day after. A few of my friends who knew about the situation, including my best friend, said that they thought he liked me because of what they'd seen that night. My best friend said that he'd seemed jealous about the other guy, and my guy friend (who knows 'Dave') said that Dave had seemed happier when I was around.

I wasn't sure what to expect after the party - I knew he'd been drunk and so his actions might just have been because of that. We were both a bit awkward around each other afterwards, but I have noticed him looking over still, though not quite as much as before. A mutual friend of us both told me a couple of days ago that he had liked me, but that was then and this is now - and that he didn't have a habit of liking the same person more than once. Even though she didn't say it directly, that implied to me that he didn't like me in that way any more. Except, he is still giving me mixed signals! I keep catching him looking in my direction, and he seems to be going out of his way to drive past me on the way home from school every day, which I can't remember him doing before.

So, I can't decide whether this is a lost cause or whether it's worth keeping interested. I mean, the easiest option seems to be to back off from the whole thing a bit, but to keep an open mind, in case he changes his mind. He's not a player; he's a really sweet guy who would never deliberately mess anyone around. Some of my friends have suggested talking to him to clear the awkwardness, and maybe trying to just find out from him, because then I'd have peace of mind and a definite answer. But I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do! If I'm honest, I know that the logical thing to do is assume that nothing is going to happen, but there's a massive part of me which just wants to hang on in case! So what should I do?

You have smart friends (see bold). Why do you insist on making something that's so easy so difficult??

Carl.

[newyork09]

I do but I do have a habit of doing that, I just over-analyse things too much and make them seem way more difficult than they actually are. It kind of makes you lose perspective.
It's a good idea, it's just ... the thought of being rejected hurts a lot. Even if he wouldn't do it in a harsh way, which I really don't think he would.
I guess it's just one of those times when you need to take a leap of faith!
But thank you!