Troubled with gamers

[salty]

I would like to ask this to all gamers, especially those really really devoted in playing games every day every night, and even treat the computer like your wife. Can a man really love playing games so much that they decided to play for their whole life through without even thinking of settling down or having a relationship? I've realised that I've fallen in love with a guy whom cant live his life without game. But, he used to have a girlfriend and they broke up because the girl wanted to settle down in australia. Today, my colleague told me that there were once, he said that those that he likes are attached or married already, and he thinks his computer are like his wife already, he doesnt need a girlfriend. Is this true? Or is he not speaking the truth?

We've been secretly going out for a year and he have shown intimacy towards me, but he have not ever taken action. Once, I approached him and ask what is our relationship, and he seems struggling with the answer, he say he dont know. I did not force him so I say if he dont wish to answer he can choose not to. And till now our relationship is unclear. Can anyone tells me what does that means?

[the_robot]

I've been a gamer my whole life (although right now I shouldn't say that, I haven't played in close to 2 months!!!) and I think that even though games started as a hobby I ended up using them as a way to escape from the real world.

Maybe this guy is doing the same in a way, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want to "settle down", but he is afraid of doing it or something so he uses the games for protection and abstraction.

[salty]

Thks for the reply..
Or maybe he is not interested in me? The thing I dont understand is, he is the one who ask me out.. After that I feel that the relationship start to feel draggy and no progress.. Probably because he did not take action. Is it possible that he is not sure of what he wants or whether he likes me anot? Do u think I should approach him again? I dont like the feeling of hanging there without an answer.

[LailaK]

You should believe what he is telling you. If you think that his gaming addiction is going to be a problem for you, date someone else.

[Jewels]

I agree with LailaK. If you see this as a huge red flag, then walk away and close the door behind you before it's too late. You shouldn't have to compete for his attention to anything, let alone his games!

[VincenzoG91]

Interesting question. My specialty is boardgames, but I have spent some time playing PC games, too. And some of my friends are definitely hardcore console gamers. My next-door neighbor is in his late '30s, and when he gets a new console game, he spends nearly 100% of his free time playing it for the first week after he gets it. So maybe I have some insight to offer.

With a few exceptions, most of my gamer friends are losers, at least by general society norms. They don't have good careers, and many of them didn't get a college degree. They either don't date, or they end up with unattractive geek girls. They don't buy houses, they don't get married, and they don't have kids. Some even still live with their parents. For all practical purposes, they are still boys, except that they have (low-paying) jobs. But when they play these games, they finally feel like winners. Within the tightly-controlled boundaries of a game, they can learn the rules and win the game. In theory, they could do the same in real life, but real life is less structured and less predictable. In a chicken-and-egg kind of way, it isn't clear if they are losers because they play games, or play games because they are losers, though I would lean towards the play games because they are losers scenario. Either way, they are kind of addicted to these games, because the games seem more rewarding and enjoyable than real life.

When I was younger, the games weren't very good, so only the most extreme geeks got addicted to them. But now we've got a lot of kids who are growing up with these games, and the superior graphics and challenging gameplay make them more addictive to a wider audience. Add in the internet, a big increase in science-fiction/fantasy/superhero movies (thanks to CGI), and weaker family structures, and now being an introverted nerd is more acceptable than ever before.

There are exceptions, of course. Some of my gaming friends are happily married, with kids and houses in the suburbs. And I've got a couple of gamer friends who are least successful in the workplace, though their personal relationships are lacking. My parents really encouraged me to be well-rounded, playing sports, joining Boy Scouts, and working a summer job every year starting at age 10, so I think I turned out okay as an adult.

Sorry, long rambling answer there. Anyway, your gamer dude is probably hooked, and not likely to change his ways. In his dysfunctional way, he probably does care for you, but he may never be able to meet your standards for proper boyfriend behavior. It doesn't make him a bad person, but you might be happier with somebody more normal.

[doppelgaenger]

I dunno. I've never been into games hardcore. I do like to play them in my freetime though, but that doesn't really make me a gamer because I have all kinds of other hobbies that precede my gaming priorities.