Dating Again After Small-Town Breakup

[independent]

The 2+ year relationship that I came to you with 4 months ago is finally OVER - as in, no more back and forth, and no more communication period. The whole break up just seemed to be a drawn-out process.

But now that it is over, I find myself needing to make some new friends. I'd like to date, too - but finding a new circle to hang out in is my top priority. I am not from around here, and it is a small town where everyone grew up together and has known each other since grade school. So the only friends that I made while here were HIS friends (because we were together from the time I moved here).

I made a few nice friends, but all of the places they 'hang out' are also the places where he would be... and I just want to stay out of all of that until everything blows over completely (meaning he finds a new woman and could care less about me anymore). Because while we arent communicating at all, when I do happen to run into him I get the "looks" or he insists on speaking to me.

There isnt a lot to do here. Just a few small bars that people gather in, for the most part (which is where he always is - and one of the reasons we werent compatible LOL). I'm not much of a bar person.

I decided to go on Yahoo Personals and check out that scene. There were quite a few decent looking locals... and I even had a lunch date with one yesterday. It was a nice time, and we really seemed to have a lot in common - talked and laughed non stop. Oddly though, he hasnt called back since. Having been out of the 'dating scene' so long, I dont know if thats common practice, or if I should just hang it up and keep looking.

Anyway, I want to get out and have fun... but I want to avoid the ex and "his circle" altogether. I need something fresh and new. Any suggestions for meeting people, making friends, and finding other singles??

[vashti]

Book clubs are fun if you are interested in meeting smart people. Check out your local Barnes and Noble for different genres, but naturally, avoid the romance novel night, especially if you are looking for men. Also, maybe you are interested in local politics? Try volunteering for some campaign you like, and you might meet people you have something in common with. Volunteering for any organization which represents something you can feel passionate about is a great way to meet people.

If you are looking for men in particular, I was told that the golf course is a great place. This has an added benefit of meeting men who are not dirt poor, because golf is a relatively expensive sport.

[independent]

Great suggestions! We dont have a Barnes & Noble, but I called the local Hastings Book Store - unfortunately no meetings there of any kind.

I did call the community center, and sign up for a kickboxing class... I've taken that before and really liked it. It was all women, and nobody was social... but I liked it, so I'll do that again to get out of the house at least.

Golf & politics I know nothing about LOL... but great suggestions! Thanks

[independent]

Speaking of the kickboxing class... Maybe once I get back in a little better shape, the martial arts studio would be a good place to meet some new social groups! I would love to get into something like that, and I would imagine the people there would be interesting, responsible, disciplined types - versus drinking/drama types you find in local bars hahahaha

That might be a good thing for me...

[vashti]

Careful with those martial arts guys though. The younger ones I know are trouble.

[toohot4pants]

how old are you? are you stil college aged? cuz i was thinking...a good way to meet some people is to take some classes at a local college or university! even if you're a few years older than college age, a interesting option might be taking classes at a junior college/community college where there are plenty of adult learners! if your community is so small as to lack a college type institution...they might still have some sort of post-secondary education classes available to the community. i'm not sure.

are you religioug? ever been religious? interested in religion? go to church or synagogue or mosque or temple or where the heck people go to find spiritual enrichment. could be interesting even if you don't buy into the religion.

not into bars, eh? how bout a club? go clubbin! go out with your girlfriend...dance, have a drink, meet people, have fun! you'll meet people while having some fun! i haven't met a girl that doesn't like to go dancing!

can't dance? go take dance lessons! i wanna learn how to ballroom and swing dance myself! how fun would that be? that might be a neat way to meet some people as well! or learn to paint, or learn pottery, or learn gardening, or learn something at some community center or learning center!

go to the gym! work out, get in shape, feel better about yourself...and maybe meet people! or yoga...or that kickboxing thing you mentioned!

the possiblities are ENDLESS! you can meet people anywhere if you allow yourself to be social! (admittedly, that's hard for some people.)

are there any big cities near by? you could make that your new social hub.

as for meeting people online...i now two friends that used yahoo or aol or something to meet women. one had ZERO success...he did meet a few people for coffee or whatever but it went nowhere. the other guy...he was VERY successful by his standards...he had sex with MANY of them and tossed them aside immediately. i personally don't like the idea of online dating...but that's just me! i have heard it works for many people! so keep trying!

[toohot4pants]

Careful with those martial arts guys though. The younger ones I know are trouble.

the ones i've met have been complete dorks...either goofy dorks, nerdy dorks, psychotic dorks, ect...but some sort of dork. they're odd...

[independent]

LOL I'll keep that in mind about the martial arts guys! :p

I am 32 - going on 33. The community college is a good idea. I wouldnt mind taking a creative writing class, or something along those lines. I'll check into that - thanks!

And you're right - I might try going into the bigger town nearby. It's only 40 minutes away and a busy college town.

I have been looking into local dance lessons, because that really interests me. I have a couple of friends who are looking for the same, but we've had no luck finding any just yet (still looking!).

Thanks a million!

[gHEXjt]

Careful with those martial arts guys though. The younger ones I know are trouble.

What do you mean they're trouble...I don't think I'm trouble.

[vashti]

Not necessarily ALL of them, gHEXjt, but I have known several of them that were big into it, and based on what I've seen, there are generally two main types of people who are attracted to martial arts: people who have been (or fear being) bullied and want to learn to protect themselves, and people who have some sort of need to be able to be able to hurt other people (interesting to note that they are polar opposites being brought into the same activity).

Obviously this is not true ALL of the time, but it is something to be wary of.

[independent]

... and I even had a lunch date with one yesterday. It was a nice time, and we really seemed to have a lot in common - talked and laughed non stop. Oddly though, he hasnt called back since. Having been out of the 'dating scene' so long, I dont know if thats common practice, or if I should just hang it up and keep looking.

He got in touch with me this afternoon and we talked again for a couple of hours. That was nice! I really wasnt sure what to expect, but I would have been disappointed had I not heard back, because we had so much in common and got on so well.

At the very least, I've made one good friend here now that I enjoy talking to. Perhaps we'll hook up and do a few things together. He's mentioned that, so it's a good possibility.

Still wouldnt hurt for me to get involved with some other things locally, just so I dont find myself feeling lonesome if he decides not to keep calling.

[Tone]

Hey inde! Welcome back!

ARE YOU STILL A NON-SMOKER????????????????????

And yeah, both shh! (vashti) and funsounds (toohot4pants) [geez all these codenames these days!] have very good suggestions.

[independent]

Hey Tone

Actually, I did so good there for about a month and then I "fell off the wagon" over Christmas. I am still sore about it, and trying to work my way back into the motivation & determination that I had before. It sucks to be dissapointed in yourself!

Thanks for asking - because you reminded me just how strongly I wanted that!

[alice]

Hey Tone

Actually, I did so good there for about a month and then I "fell off the wagon" over Christmas. I am still sore about it, and trying to work my way back into the motivation & determination that I had before. It sucks to be dissapointed in yourself!

Thanks for asking - because you reminded me just how strongly I wanted that!

i know how you feel! i've been thinking about quitting for over a month now. but the thinking about it only makes me smoke more than ever.

[whaywardj]

Welcome back. All good to hear. [URL=http://www.folkdancing.org/about_cajun.html]This[/URL] might be useful. I've been sniffing around [URL=http://www.acmedance.org/pages/1/page1.html?refresh=1136804812387]here[/URL].

Then there's always your local church groups.