Girlfriend Needs Time. Won't break up. loves me? Help!

[xcwbyfan94x]

Well me and my girlfriend have been together for almost a year now. Everything had been going great. A few weeks ago she told me that this past year has been the best of her life. We go to the same college, and she lived in a dorm. I have an apartment close to school. She stayed with me every night this semester (without her parents knowing, they are VERY strict and don't even want her at a boy's apartment at all). Recently, she had to transfer schools to continue her nursing degree. She is actually in a nursing school now for the first time this semester (its about 5 minutes away from my school). This is when the problem started.

After the semester let out she had to move out because of her transferring. She lives normally a hour away, and it was the holidays so we were going to be rarely seeing each other for awhile. I didn't adapt to this change well so fast, and was really hurting. It was very hard on me. We made plans for her to swing by a couple of hours when she went out apartment shopping (to move closer to here for school). She did, and I broke down on her. I starting crying telling her that I don't know if I could deal with not seeing her like this all throughout nursing school (because it consumes a ton of your time). I was really hurting at the time, and I know it hurt her feelings by me saying that, but I really just wasn't ready for the change yet, I was still trying to process it in my head.

Anyways, it really hurt her feelings by me saying that. She told me this, and told me that she needs time to figure things out. That she has a million things going on with her new apartment, nursing school starting this week, her doctors appointments (she has heart problems too), she has to find a job to pay half of the rent or her family won't let her stay, and the holidays, and its really stressing her out and she doesn't want me to hurt because it stresses her out even more, and she can't take all of it right now. I asked her if she wanted to break up until and if she decides she wants to really continue on, and she says thats not what she said, that she just needs time to figure things out. She till tells me she loves me.

A few days past, and I tried to give her time to figure things out, and it was so hard for me to do. I ended up being a idiot and texting her kinda pressuring her to answer if she wanted to still be together or not. It just made her angry and frustrated because everytime all she says is "I just need time, thats all im asking for to get things figured out". She says that she isn't questioning our relationship, she just doesn't know if she will have the time for A relationship period. I stopped talking about it with her after it upset her, and eventually she decided to go with me and my family out to eat two nights ago for someones birthday in my family.

She came over before we left, and we hugged and kissed and I told her that I love her and miss her, and she told me the same thing. She said she is just confused right now, and stressed. I told her that I loved her, and to understand that I was hurting the other night when I said what I said, and that I would never make her choose between choose things she loves. I told her I would be willing to do anything to make this work because I love her, and I understand that if that means sacrificing time with her, that it will pay off later. I also said ill fully support her on any decision she makes in life, and that if I have to ill help her study or bring her food at work or whenever, even if thats the only way I get to see her. We talked a little while, then ate. After we came back is when I started acting stupid again. She had to get home ASAP after because her cousin was staying with her in her new apartment and she was sick and there alone. I got greedy and told her that I would really like her to stay awhile and talk, but she really needed to go. We ended up talking about the same stuff again, and I asked her to her face again if she really wanted to end it, but didn't wanna hurt my feelings. She still said she isn't saying that, that she just needs time to figure things out, and I can't even give her that. The night ended with us talking about it again through texts, and eventually she told me that she will talk in the morning, that she was tired.

So the next morning comes, and I call her before I head into work to talk. We talked about the same thing again, and she told me that if we break up its because I made that decision, not her, that she just needs time. Thats all shes asking for to figure things out. I knew in my heart I had to give her time before I really pushed her away, so I told her I am going to do this for her because I love her, and to take the time she needs. We decided that she would text me if she wants to continue on together, or break it off after she thinks about it. We told each other we love each other, and hung up. Its been a little over a day now, and its so hard for me. I am going to do this though, I have to for her. I plan on giving her a full week, and if she hasn't texted me or called me back to let me know then I dunno what im going to do. Help please. This girl is the love of my life. I'm just looking to stay with her, she is everything to me. Need advice! Thanks!

[enjoilife17]

Phew. Wow that was quite a story.

Bro. Listen. I read about five different times in that story that your girlfriend that means the whole world to you is just looking for time to think.

You seem like a well educated, sensible guy. [B]Listen to her.[B] I guarantee you that she'll come back to you. You just have to phase out of her life for a few days and as long as she's not seeing anybody else and she just needs time to straighten everything out with her move, her transition, then you're fine and that's all it is. She will definitely miss your companionship if you've really done and said all those things to her.

So here's your plan of attack.
1. You've already let her know how you feel- no need to call her text her email her about the same stressful topics.
2. Let her come to you. Act like you have a lot going on as well. Don't just be the fretty hyperactive clingy boyfriend who treats their partner like they absolutely couldn't live without them. You've gotta be a man.
3. IF she does not initiate contact with you within a week, you better sure as hell go to emergency mode. Think of the first restaurant, or place you went to as a couple, make reservations for the following weekend, and get your bed ready. Send her 2 dozen long stemmed red roses and construct the best letter you've ever written to a girl inviting her to go out to dinner with you (if you think she's really worth it). Light a fire under your relationship, find that original spark that go you to loving each other in the first place.
4. Then after you're back together, tell her you want to set some times down where you can be with her, see her, whatever. You've gotta sacrifice and so does she if you want this thing to work out.

You've got this. Take it one step at a time and make it work.
Good luck,
Thomas

[carl1222]

Enjoilife got it exactly right. You have become very needy and clingy to the point where you are disregarding her needs and feelings in favor of yours.

The fact that she has put up with your nonsense this long and didn't cut you off shows that she cares for you a lot. But you are dangerously close to the point when she will just say she doesn't need this s**t!

My only modification to Enjoilife's advice would be to step 3. If you respond with that level of excess, it may seem a bit like more of the same ... like a dog who gets overexcited just to get a pat on the head. So show her why she wanted to be with you in the first place for sure ... but in a quieter way with less extravagence and fewer bells and whistles.

Carl.

[Mish]

We talked about the same thing again, and she told me that if we break up its because I made that decision, not her, that she just needs time. Thats all shes asking for to figure things out. I knew in my heart I had to give her time before I really pushed her away

Well, it looks like this is what she really needs. You have consistently pushed her to make a decision to end the relationship and she has consistently confirmed that she doesn't want that. I normally don't believe in breaks, but I'm getting a feeling that you might have left her with little choice, but to do that.

I think your best bet right now is to give her time and to do that you need to know how much time she will need. Why not ask her how much time she would like to make that decision and then give it to her? (as in really give it to her without any pressure). You may ask her to reword it, maybe not call it a break, but just a "busy time of the relationship" if you are unhappy with the terminology. Then use that time to become a little bit less clingy, focus on yourself and your needs until you and her are back together.

[xcwbyfan94x]

We haven't broken up yet. She hasn't said that. And everytime I brought that up she says that thats my decision if i do that, and not hers. So I am currently giving her time and space to get things figured out. It's been a day and a half now. I am gonna go as long as this takes. I know I have to if I want to be with her.

[IndiReloaded]

So the next morning comes, and I call her before I head into work to talk. We talked about the same thing again, and she told me that if we break up its because I made that decision, not her, that she just needs time.

Give her time. She sounds like she has a lot on her plate. Decide tho, how long you want to be in this situation for. Two weeks? More?

Not fair for you to be on her string forever. If her life is so complex, it might be easiest for you both to break it off for now.

[enjoilife17]

Dude read my instructions. As long as you follow them you're golden.

[qualia1234]

the world is coming to an end, love > career > education

I could type a whole book explaining it but it would not be necessary... I already have a long post about this..

[qualia1234]

enjoilife17's advice is correct. although it SEEMS very counterintuitive but if you REALLY LOVE her and CARE about her and you think you are the best thing that will ever happen to her and she just doesn't know/appreciate it/you fully yet, you need to employ psychological "tactics" to win her back. Ironically being NEEDLY accomplished exactly the OPPOSITE of the reason you are needy in the first place...

Let her know how you feel and where you stand (if you haven't done so already) and then BACKOFF, let her come back to you, if it doesn't happen then it wasn't meant to be... Is there ever was a chance between the two of you then do whatever it takes (the correct steps) to gain her back...

[qualia1234]

the "easiest" way out of all of this is to inquire deeply on WHY you even "love" her... in the process you may find your feelings for her aren't really deeply rooted in LOVE in the first place. If so, then problem solved..