The TRUTH about men. For real this time.

[sfalexi]

This is by far the truest and most educational Q&A about men I've found. They may as well call it "The truth about _____" and you fill in the blank with the name of your significant other. ENJOY!

The Truth About Men? A frank discussion with answers to commonly asked questions about men...

* Why are men such jerks?
It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average lifespan of a male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure)? Hormone modifies behavior. We're not jerks, just misunderstood.

* Why do men always touch themselves, especially in public?
We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus.

* Why do men always say such stupid things?
We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.

* Why are men so uncommunicative?
You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it you get into trouble with your partner.

* Why do men have to act like such retards?
Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It's the old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing in so much of the world nowadays.

* Why can't men just share their feelings?
Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel? Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel.

* Why can't men cuddle more?
Please... How many hours do you think there are in a day? We oblige you as much as we can, but who the heck (besides women) can endure lying around for hours on end? We men... Men hunters... Need go roam... Starve in cave... Must go find wildebeest... Now sitting on our asses for hours on end on the other hand is a whole other story.

* How can men sit on their asses all day without moving?
Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The more successful hunters were able to sit very still for very extended periods of time thereby passing on this ability to their progeny. The figgidy types were all gobbled up by saber toothed tigers, lions, etc.. The end result is that almost all modern men are born with this innate ability.

* Why can't men just say "I love you?"
Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men consider that a character fault. It's not easy to admit to one's own character faults.

* Why do men say "I love you" when they hardly know me?
Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a sure fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well.

* What does it mean when men say "I Love You?"
1 Please sleep with me.
2 I'm sorry for whatever it is that I did.
3 I forgot to get you a gift; this will have to do.
4 Huh? I'm sorry; I wasn't listening.
5 What did I forget? This should buy me a little time.
6 Stop nagging me.
7 What do I have to do to get a beer around here?

* Why doesn't my partner ever answer me?
We just simply don't have the energy to answer every single one of your questions. If we think we do not have the answer, or that you will not like the answer, we simply remain quiet and save the energy for other things.

* Why won't men ever pick up after themselves?
Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up.

* What's with all the belching and farting?
This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.

* Why do men hate shopping?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to look at things we have no intention of killing? err... Buying?

* Why can't men ever leave the toilet seat down?
Have you ever seen one of us pee? The proper position of the toilet seat is up. Mathematically speaking, the proper position of the toilet seat is a function of the time spent peeing over the time spent sitting. The closer that ratio approaches one, the truer the proposition. Besides, it's actually a courtesy that we lift the seat. Why would we care if we pee all over the seat. You're the ones that have to sit on it. You should appreciate the fact that we actually lift the darn thing. We aim to please.

* Why do men find blonde bimbos attractive?
Are you kidding? Even leaving the physical aside, blonde bimbos are generally much easier to get along (alone) with. They like having fun and doing exciting things. They don't walk around with the weight of the world on their shoulders. They don't ever give us a hard time for being a dumb male; and plus they laugh at most of our jokes (even the ones they don't get). What more could any male ask for?

* Why do men act like they own the remote control?
What do you mean act? We do; possession is nine-tenths of the law. Besides, it is an awesome responsibility not to be entrusted to just anyone. I believe the only fair way to decide who gets the remote control is to arm wrestle for it.

* Why can't men stay on a single channel for more than two seconds?
Are you kidding? What if there is something good on the next channel? We could miss it if we stay on one channel for too long. (See also: Why do men fear commitment?)

* Why do men fear commitment?
Don't be so surprised. Yes; most of us do know what 'commitment' means and can spell it correctly. It's like an automobile. No matter how good you think this year's model is, they're always coming out with newer, faster, better, sleeker, and sexier models. We simply cannot be expected to purchase the first one we see. We must browse around a bit and test drive a few. Who wants to end up with a lemon? At least with a car, there's a slight chance of it eventually becoming a classic. It simply makes much more sense to lease and upgrade to the younger... err... I mean newer models every couple of years. Some of them come with fun extras like dual air bags.

* What does it mean when men say, "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now" or "I don't want a girl friend?"
It means that we like you enough to sleep with you, but not enough so that we want to see you repeatedly.

* What does it mean when men say, "Can we just be friends?"
Generally, it means that the recipient of said comment is physically repulsive enough that no beer goggles may be thick enough to provide adequate protection.

* Do all men really masturbate?
Yes. It is genetically inherited behavior. It's been passed on from our most primal forefathers, and it'll be passed on to our sons.

* Why do men generally have greater upper body strength?
Several factors are at work, namely evolution, heredity, nutrition, and environment. (See also: Do all men really masturbate?)

* Why do men generally have better hand-eye or spatial coordinate motor coordination?
It is like with all things. Practice... Practice...Practice... (See also: Do all men really masturbate?)

* Why are men so obsessed with beautiful women?
As opposed to what? Really ugly women? Face it, if men were obsessed with ugly women, there would be just as much bitching about why men are so obsessed with ugly women. No matter how you set this up, some people are always going to be left out. I don't see anyone screaming about equal treatment for the stupid people either.

* Why do men like younger women?
Well, let's see. Besides the fact that they like older men, they're easily impressed, they're also perky, energetic, and come with very little baggage. And gravity has less prevail over their bodies.

* Why do men only have one thing on their minds?
While technically correct, this statement is not strictly true. We may only be able to entertain one idea at a time, but we do think of lots of other things besides sex, such as sports and beer. We also get hungry quite often.

* How can men possibly find that other woman attractive (i.e. whatever do you see in that fat pig)?
Even if you happen to be Cindy Crawford, once we get the idea that you are ours, other women suddenly become much more attractive and you lose a few attractiveness points. I'm a bit puzzled by this one myself. I think evolution is to blame. We men are just innocent bystanders in the war of the selfish genes. You should love us despite our inherent weakness.

* Why are men such dogs?
How can you say such a horrible thing? Dogs are faithful... loyal... affectionate... and obedient... You owe dogs an apology!

[squirrley]

thats funny...and for the most part I would agree with most of it...that most men are those things...BUT there are also some men who are decent as hell-and if a woman is lucky enough to find him(under some bitches shoes) then theyd better do everything they can to treat him like he truly deserves.

NOT all men posses those qualities as listed...its a generalization and one that most woman want answers to, but there are men who are actually MEN...but theyre scarce as hell. If youre lucky enough to find such a man-then you do what is right by him and treat him accordingly. A 50/50 partnership if you will with added touches of love.

I thought it was funny when I got that email...just thought id share it but I did find a woman bashing one-so its even...just thought Id bring something a litte different to the boards...for fun. And maybe it will bring out some other things too!

Like what we really want in a partner...and how do you treat them...etc...

[sfalexi]

lol. I found some of them to pertain to me EXACTLY. Like the one about "Why do men always say such stupid things?" and "Why do men have to act like such retards?" Those are EXACTLY mine.

Alexi

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Acting stupid is FUN TO THE MAX!!!

[sfalexi]

Oh God yes. My latest escapade was when picking out a movie with my ex the other night. There were a few people around so I decided to embarress her by accidentally knocking over quite a few videos from the shelf. She didn't like me very much for the next 15 to 20 minutes or so, but the reaction and shade of red on her cheeks was worth it.

Alexi

[BillyGalbreath]

hehe - sounds a bit like me alexi - i used to do things like that ll the time just to embarrass my ex - she once told me that she never gets embarrassed - well I proved that wrong many many times

I think the funniest thing I ever did to make her laugh was when we awere going into Walmart one night and it was raining. I parked hella far from the door so we would have to walk in the rain. Well when we got out of the car I started to run to the door and then yells out 'dont run your gonna fall!' and right when she said that I stopped my feet dead in their trackes and they slip out from under me and I shit you not, I was at least 3 or 4 feet in the air and landed straight on the back of my neck. I dont think she ever laughed so hard in her life.

I loved to make her laugh. I miss her laugh

[sfalexi]

Oh my god. That DOES sound funny! Nice one! My favorite times were when I was in Colorado. As a freshman at the Air Force Academy the rule is you have to wear your full service dress any time you leave and go to the mall or movies or ANYWHERE your freshmen year. Part of the tradition. So for about ten minutes I stood in a clothing store window and pretended I was modeling off my service dress while people took pictures.

And my favorite time was when my friends were pissing me off so I decided to go to Fredericks of Hollywood and loudly buy a male thong. I was asking all the customers in there what colors would look best with my eyes, I asked the attendant if I was allowed to try it on over my underwear, and then I asked if I was allowed to bring a friend with me into the dressing room so that they could see it and give me a second opinion. My friend's didn't like me beckoning to them across the store from the dressing room. "Chris! Just tell me if this thong looks good or not on me! Jesus! It's not like we're gonna do anything. I just want a second opinion!"

Alexi

[BillyGalbreath]

O M G ! i would DIE if I was there !!! LMFAO ! i am laughing so hard I got tears !!! Damn - I would have never thought of that.

All my things that I do involves me hurting myself. lol - i think seeing a guy get hurt is the funniest thing in the world tho. So I just think of something that would make me laugh and I act it out.

I saw this on a movie - but its still funny as hell to do: When I would have to go into a store or something while Destine would sit in the passenger seat when I would come out I would get in front of the car then turn my back to her and start running away slowly then make it look like I am running as fast as I can but then start going backwards and then fall onto the hood and make it look like the car ran me over then I would flip over the top and across the back of the car onto the ground.

I have done that prolly 4 or 5 times and each time she laughed her ass off.

Also at my old apartment we had this starcase and it had a railing that was just far enough off the wall for me to slide down it - but at the very bottom of the rail it would turn upwards just a bit - it would shoot me up into the air and I would kick my legs and flap my arms around until I would hit the wall and then fall onto the ground. That one really does hurt tho so I only did it like 3 times. lol

[sfalexi]

Also at my old apartment we had this starcase and it had a railing that was just far enough off the wall for me to slide down it - but at the very bottom of the rail it would turn upwards just a bit - it would shoot me up into the air and I would kick my legs and flap my arms around until I would hit the wall and then fall onto the ground. That one really does hurt tho so I only did it like 3 times. lol

Oh man does that make me laugh! I can picture it! Very nice!

[BillyGalbreath]

Yeah - I did some crazy shit just to see her laugh. She had this smile that no one else has - It was SOO cute - and when she laughed she would barely make a sound - It would be silent and she would make this face that just made me die laughing and then she would inhale so fast that she made a really high pitched sound and then when she heard that sound she would laugh even harder. We would both just sit there and laugh our asses off at the way she laughed. Then everytime we finished laughing (15-30 minutes later) she would curl up in this little ball and snuggle up against my chest while I wrapped my arms around her and just held her in silence.

Thats the thing I miss most about our relationship. We were always holding each other and cuddling. I think thats the closest you could ever get to someone. I think cuddling is the most intimate of things - even more so than sex. There were many a night where we would laugh and play then cuddle up and fall asleep on the couch or floor. Those were the greatest times of my life.

I guess thats what I am mainly looking for in a woman - someone who LOVES to cuddle. And I dont mean the arm wrapped around her side while watching a movie. I mean her snuggled up in my chest while I have both arms wrapped around her tightly with my head resting against the top of hers. Or when we are sleeping I love to lay on my back and kinda off to the side that she is on with her laying on my arm and chest while I warp that arm around her and put ny other arm around her and I have one leg over her leg and she has her other leg lifted up sitting right above my 'area' resting on my stomach with her knee ent down so that the bottom half of that leg follows my leg down to my knee where her foot rests. And she has her bottom arm curled up to her chest or wrapped around the back of my head and her free arm is wrapped around my chest under my free arm that is wrapped around her. It prolly sounds like a tangled mess, but that was the way I slept every night for nearly 2 years with her.

Heh, i seemed to gotten off the subject that we were on that was off the original subject - geesh - i get off subject alot dont i ? lol

[KaWaiiSkYe]

I love it sometimes when boys act so retardedly stupid.. LoL.. It's just so entertainin'.. LoL..

[BillyGalbreath]

hell - i entertain myself with the shit that I pull - lol

[Zekk_T_Strife]

You know, I noticed just how true one of those answers is. I realized that while I'm here at home I don't clean up after myself but when I lived by myself I kept things pretty neat and clean. Because I really don't mind living this way and I know it'll get cleaned up anyway.