Is She A Loser? Or Am I Making A Big Issue Out Of Nothing?

[generalx]

Been dating a woma for over 2 1/2 years, she is the manager of a department store, everyday she come home from work, she sits and watches "TV" she talks about own a HUGE ESTATE, HORSES, LIVING RICH, HOUSE BY THE OCEAN, BOATS, BMW. Yet all she does everyday is come home, watch tv and go to bed.

She said she wanted to learn PIANO, I bought the piano for her birthday, It's been a YEAR, she's still procastinating, she's had over 5 TEACHERS, Invested over $1,000, Yet she still comes home, watches TV, play CARDS with herself then go to bed.

I've been telling her for 2 1/2 YEARS, get rid of the television, READ, EDUCATE YOURSELF, FIND SOME INTEREST, DO THINGS FOR YOURSELF, MAKE LIFE INTERESTING, JOIN BOOK CLUB, ETC ETC.

She said if she had a COMPUTER She'd read "GUESS WHAT" Bought her a computer for her birthday.. ONCE IN A WHILE SHE GOES ON AND CHECK HER EMAILS THEN EITHER GOES BACK TO THE TV play CARDS with herself OR SEARCH MOVIES ONLINE....

She said she wants to JOIN A GYM, "DONE" She joined a gym, she went 3 DAYS IN A ROW, then dropped in in two weeks.. Now she goes once a week. BACK TO TELEVISION and play CARDS with herself.

HER BIGGEST EXCUSE IS "SHE'S TIRED WHEN SHE COMES HOME FROM WORK" OR SHE HAS ADD"

I Read alot, I'm a musician/actor.. I work on weekends and spend the rest of my time acting or jamming with other musicians, i go th the gym 3 to 4 days a week so basically i maximize on all my time.

The big problem is all she keeps saying to me is "ITS BEEN 2 1/2 YEARS WHEN ARE WE GETTING ENGAGED OR MARRIED? We've FOUGHT OVER THIS TELEVISION OVER A MILLION TIMES, I THINK SHE'S GREAT, SMART TALENTED PERSON AND IT BOTHERS ME TO SEE HER CHEAPEN THE REST OF HER LIFE LIKE THAT.

I love science, philosophy, psychology, music, evolution MAN YOU NAME IT, Whenever we get into an intellectual conversation it doesn't last more than 5 minutes before she finds a way to get out of it...


I MOTIVATED HER A BILLION TIMES. AM I MAKING A BIG ISSUE? SHOULD I SETTLE FOR THIS? SHOULD I DUMP HER? SHOULD I ???

[Spring Haze]

For one, stop spoiling her. If she wants to take the initiative to do something, don't let it fall into her lap. Maybe she needs to work toward something.

At any rate, you can't motivate anyone. It sounds like she's conditioned into a routine that's comfortable for her. Maybe she wants to live a life a mediocrity. Ask her if she's content living the way she's living. Perhaps you two could partake in an activity? If her lack of motivation and going out and achieving things overshadows her positive attributes, then you need to consider what the best course of action will be.

[Rob26]

Actually, she sounds like a pretty good match for me!

I suspect it is just as she says. She lacks energy. Has she ever told a doctor this? It could have a physical basis.

[qwertz]

Sounds to me like she want motivation within your relationship. Its all well and good buying her things, but you need to reiginite passion within her.
Though everyone has their own way of relaxing after a hard day at work.

[s_b]

You just seem an incompatible match at present - talk to her again in frank, honest, loving words. If it's her thing to be like this in a relationship then don't expect to change her - you'll have to make the move.

[vashti]

Some people are just home-bodies. That doesn't make your choices superior; you probably just aren't a match.

Why did you pick a home-body if you wanted someone more outgoing?

[SandBill]

It could just be her temperament, or maybe her job really sucks her heart out. She might also be depresses.

I doubt she can break this pattern by herself. You have to be more involved -- do things together, not reading and playing piano. Go jogging together, go hiking, take a dance class, cook, volunteer, anything where you can be involved in getting her off her ass.

If that doesn't work, you are probably just incompatible.