boyfriend not over ex, still likes me but 'needs time'....

[pinkinterlude]

Me and my boyfriend of 7 months had our one and only row over new year which ended up with us breaking up though he has still been initiating contact. Basically, a few months before meeting me, his ex gf ended their 3 year long distance relationship by text and refused to speak to him for 2 weeks afterwards, so of course, he was a little down to say the least.

When we met, he was so open and honest about everything that I didnt really mind or feel uncomfortable about him telling me about his ex. I was obviously a bit unsure at first about what I would actually be to him (rebound) as they were together for a long time, but as things were going so perfect and he seemed over her, I decided to ignore it.

Up until a few weeks ago, everything was fine, but then he started to seem down and withdrawn, though whenever I'd ask him he if he was okay, he would say hes just having a bad day and then question whether I was happy.
He is also in a band and the main songwriter and some of his lyrics were about missing someone and quite obviously about his ex.

This all made me a bit worried as I thought my fears were true. I finally got the guts to ask him outright and about what I really was to him. He inisted I wasnt just his rebound but that he wasnt over his ex and how he always thought they'd get back together but that he didnt know what to do because 'what if he could have something more with me and he was ruining it?'

He said he needs time to sort his head out and apologises for messing me around and that he still really likes me but doesnt want to hurt me anymore than he has done. I didnt want things to end badly between us because I know he is just confused as much as it hurts and he is really such a great guy, so I told him that I understand and that I think that would be best and although I wish things between us would have worked out, I hope he figures it all out. I was expecting this to be the last I heard from him for a while but he text the next day telling me about his work like he used to and asking how I was.

I would just like to know if anyone would possibly have a clue what this means becuase we are both technically single though I dont intend to get involved with anyone else for a while, but at the same time I dont want to be waiting around for him, and I know I probably will because I like him that much. I hate not knowing what will happen becasaue I'd rather prepare myself for not seeing him anymore but this chance of getting back together again is making me hopeful and I dont want to be reliant on it in case it doesnt happen.

I know to some people I look like a door mat but I do genuinely believe that us breaking up was a mistake and that if he were to decide for himself that he wanted to get over her, I could accept that and help him through it.

any help or ideas would be appreciated. thanks
xxxx

[Adrie]

A very difficult situation for the both of you, it seems..

No wonder no guy has replied to this thread.

He clearly is still trying to talk and cares about your relationship with him. All I can really think of is 'Time.' Let his sorrow and depression about his ex to slowly "fade away."
I believe that him thinking about her ex will exhaust his mind about it and eventually just leave it alone. Might sound a bit harsh and people would disagree about this at times. But it is sometimes the only way.. the way to accept it and move on.
Of course it's going to take time.. and also do not lose contact with him since he will be needing someone like you around.

Let's hope that he gets around.

- Marc

[pinkinterlude]

Thanks for your reply.

The update since is that last friday, a week after our break up and after2 days of no contact, he send me a text saying 'if you're going out later, wrap up warm, its freezing in town' then i get 7 missed calls. Then he just randomly turns up at my house literall y as I am bout to leave to go meet my friend to go out. He asks to talk.

We talked on the way, and he said he said he wants to be with me and how I'm right for him and make him happy and he always has so much fun with with, but then he doesnt know cos he doesnt want to hurt me and feels bad but that he loves me. He said the thought of me finding someone else scared him and his friends told him to tell me how he feels in case I did. The thing is, I didnt go out to find someone else, but just to not think about him for one night becuase thats all I had been doing all week.

He got absolutely drunk that on my night out with my firends in order to forget about him for one night, I ended up looking after him all night, making sure he didnt get into any trouble.

The next day, he apologised and was saying the same things, that he wants to be with me, so I said that I want to be with him, so whats stopping him, and he said he doesnt know.

I told him not to contact me until he does cos its too painful, and I keep getting false hope. He asked if he could talk to me later so I said yes, thinking it would be about all this but he just text about the night before and how my friend had been laughing at him telling him of his drunken antics.

I replied to a few and then just left it, cos he knows I didnt want to leave things unresolved. I know its hard for him but its hard for me too. Its hard to move on when he says he wants to be with me. And its like I cant move on becuase everythime it seems like I am to hhim, he comes running then knocks me baack down the next day.
I know this must be all doing his head in as much as mine but Id rather know a yes or no answer for now. He knows I want to get back with him, but a simple yes or no, no matter how much it would hurt if its a no, at least I could be able to try and move on.