Ok....
I'm about to make discourse with you fine people about a recent 'relationship' I had over the internet. Yes. It was only the internet, But it was one of the deepest loves I ever ever felt for anyone. Last time I felt that deeply was about 11 years ago when I was 13...
The thing that scares me is how long the feeling lasted.... it only lasted about 2 months and I'm wondering if maybe it was the distance?
I live in Sydney Australia while the women I loved lives in Rhode Island USA...
It was stressful on the both of us to start with. There was love but also a lot of anxiety and fear of us never being able to meet. I had never felt such motivation and desperation. I was thinking of all these way to make money and save up for us to meet.
It was on my mind everyday and I missed a lot of my studies to talk to her online and on the phone. I was basically wanting to change my life for her and marry her even though we never met and just before all that happened, I was trying to get a music career going.
Well what happened eventually is I was walking down the road while suddenly I didn't feel the same about her. How can this happen? I was SURE I'd love her forever!
Was it the stress and anxiety of the whole situation and my feelings shut off? I know at the time I was hardly sleeping and eating and running around extremely busy all the time. And also there was this sudden change in my whole life. Can this affect your feelings for someone? Can you suddenly "snap out of it" out of pure self-preservation?
All I know is that she's very heart broken. I had to tell her about my feelings. I couldn't be dishonest.
But here's how things are now. We are still friends and she wants to fly over to meet me in a few months. I LOVE her as a friend and I'm hoping if we meet it will rekindle something more positive than what we had on the net. Because we'll be closer and be able to know each other better. I have fallen for the same person twice before.
I just haven't met anyone so special. I hope it turns out ok in the end.