How to win her heart?

[post graduate]

Here is the deal...

I met a girl and I like her a lot and care about her and she likes me to, but she just got out of a bad relationship and I leave in Dec. for the military. She told me she wants to be single for a while, get to know each other better/be friends because she wants to date a friend. She doesn't want to rush into things because 1. we both want a real relationship 2. shes afraid I might screw her over like her previous ex's 3. she wants to develop deep feelings.

She believes I just have a crush on her, which isn't the case and I would never screw her over (I'm usually the screwee, not the screwer). I have told her both, but she doesn't believe me and still wants to hang out more one on one. Plus she said she likes guys to take the intiative, which is why she rarely calls or texts me.

Girls, I'm afraid that if we aren't in a relationship before the time a leave then she will just slip into the friends zone or if I meet another girl I will have to choose, which is not what I would want to do. How do try and show her that I turly like her/care about her without becoming to "stalkerish" because even though she said she likes guys to make the intiative, I still don't want to be annoying her by calling her 5 times a day and texting her 10 times. Or how do I sweep her off her feet and show her that even though we might not know a lot about each other, we should still try at the relationship. Don't get me wrong, I respect her and am all for taking things slow, but I don't want to go so slow that nothing comes of it.

[derm]

It could be that you like her more than she does you. Or she could genuinely be afraid of getting hurt. It will take a bit of time to determine.

My advise is just to play it cool and for god sake DON'T bombard her with texts or calls. If you are a nice guy just let her see that and if it's meant to be, it will happen. If not it won't.

You might think now she is totally compatable but if it doesn't work out you'll plrobably look back and realise she wasn't

[post graduate]

Do you think I should call her/talk to her every other day or so?

[Freckle]

How long was the most recent bad relationship? It may be that what she needs is indeed a friend - but someone who she will think of with a smile on her face when you aren't around. You don't sound like you want to be the 'rebound' guy. I would try flowers or something special that she will remember by when you go away, but bide your time, dont rush. Going away will give you a great opportunity to write her letter - proper letters that she can keep and respond to. And if you do meet someone else and you are lucky enough to be able to chose, so long as you are kind and honest then, all parties, although perhaps hurting to begin with, will get over it.
Freckle

[Freckle]

Can you text? Its a lot less pushy and you still get the contact. Its important not to be too predictable, lest she take the contact for granted. One of my pursuers has not contacted me today, having been in tocuh by email every day for the last week (since I met him) and I'm paying attention, all of a sudden but in a nice way.
C

[post graduate]

Texted her about 4 hours ago and still hasn't replied back... Not the first time shes done this, yet she does it to a lot of people where she will look at the text and if she doesn't have an answer or if it doesn't need an answer she won't reply....

And they broke up about 2/3 weeks ago...

[derm]

Do you think I should call her/talk to her every other day or so?

I wouldn't 'every other day' to be honest.

She needs space so give her some. keep the ball in her court so to speak. I agree with Freckle texting her might be a little less invasive.

But if she texts you don't reply straight away, leave it for an hour or so, if you text back instantaniously you'll seem too keen. On the other hand if she doesn't reply to you for an hour or a day then you can draw your own conclusions on how keeen she is

[derm]

Texted her about 4 hours ago and still hasn't replied back... Not the first time shes done this, yet she does it to a lot of people where she will look at the text and if she doesn't have an answer or if it doesn't need an answer she won't reply....

And they broke up about 2/3 weeks ago...

See my post above ^ about the whole time delay thing.

She is either testing you or just playing it cool. I wouldn't text her until she replies first. If you havn't heard from her after 3 or 4 days you might follow up with another 'just said I'd see how you were' text.

[Freckle]

Do not ever worry if responses don't happen straight away (or even on the day unless there is a response required or something important to say). Its refreshing for me to hear a male thinking in this way (because i though it was generally girls who do) but it is illogical to expect immediate respones from someone who you are not with and whose activity you are not aware of. There could be any number of reasons but the most important of which is this; you (hopefully) want the object of your affections to have a full and happy life where mobiles and computers etc are secondary to whatever they are actually doing.

Meditate or do some sport or watch the telly for while - this level of enthusiasm and anxiety will burn out your affection before it has a true chance. (I wish I had taken this advice over the years ;¬) )

[post graduate]

A little update....

A couple of nights ago this girl and I were hanging out with two other friends at this guys place who was friends with this girl who I stated in my first post, she will be called Stacy. While we were there Stacy would hold hands with this guy, who we will call Dan, and caress each other... I confronted Stacy outside about it and Stacy insists theat they are just really close friends...Dan is Stacys best friends ex, who we will call Amber... We left to go to a party, all of us, and we talked about it again and Stacy insisted that they were just friends, that she knew her limits, putting us in a competition would be ****ed up. (Quick re-cap... a couple of months ago we started dating, but 3 days later Stacy went back to her ex, I decided to do the 'No Contact' and ignored her whenever I saw her, which really hurt her, but I started talking to her a month later and we had a huge talk that relates to my first post in the thread and here we are...) Stacy started crying when she said she couldn't handle me ignoring her again or walking away from the talk and that she wanted me to trust her in being friends so that we can progress into a real relationship. I told her I would trust her, but that she needed to stop being all touchy with Dan, call me/text me more (take more intiaitive), hang out more, and that if she betrays my trust it will go back to the way it was a couple of weeks ago.... she said okay. When we went back inside she took Dan out to talk about who knows what, but when they returned and if I was near them they wouldn't be all touchy, but if I was somewhere else they would...

Heres some interesting details.... Dan dumped Alice for no reason, thats what Stacy says, during the time I wasn't talking to Stacy... a couple of days later Alice left for college and Stacy stayed here because she goes to a local communtiy college... Stacy told me that while I wasn't talking to her, she and Dan started hanging out and they got close, but Stacy insists that they never have/will go beyond friends and the fact that he is Ambers ex is a major issue, but yet still suspicious.... Stacy told her best guy best friend, who is a good friend of mine as well, that they are just friends.... Are we all stupid and they are fooling around behind our backs? Dan has changed his profile pic on facebook with him and Stacy in it... For the past week I have been trying to hang out with her, but its always some little excuse and she hasn't texted/called me once... I'm just wondering how many times Stacy has hung out with this guy, called him, texted him, since her and I had this huge talk.... I told her it hurts when she holds his hand in front of me, but Dan was the one that always intiates it and it seems like Stacy is just being nice and does it back because she doesn't want it to be awkward or rude. Not once did I see Stacy reach for his hand or caress his arm.... but I don't know how she thinks that doing it behind my back is better than in front of me... It seems like she has betrayed my trust within one week, so should I just tell her I'm done with her like before or keep on pursueing? Should I talk to her first? I just hate this worried/paranoid feeling that shes not being completely honest with me, shes playing me, or that shes chosen him over me.... How is she holding hands with him and not me if I'm the one with the potential relationship? It seems like she wants to get so close that when she breaks me the bad news I won't ignore her, but if thats the case I want to be done with it now instead of wasting my time... "Would rather have her compeletly in my life, then half way in it".