Why cant i trust men!!???

[CNN]

Hey
New in this forum, i need some serious advice or something with this problem.

Ive never truly been able to trust my boyfriend, not the ones in the past and not the one i have now.
Im in a very serious relationship right now, and the man im with is truly something, hes perfect for me and we make eachother very happy.
But off course it couldnt be perfect, the bad feeling started yet again. I get worried about the silliest things.
Im not the jealous type though (although it feels like jealousy), i dont ask him not to talk to girls or to stop talking to his female friends. But the scary feeling is there.
Hes got this girl, a best friend (they had something yrs ago - no sex or nothing just a connection) it didnt work out but theyre like brother and sister now. I know this girl, went to school with her and all. EVERYTHING IS NORMAL and still im worried.
Hes got LOTS of female friends but hes like 'an advisor/brother to all of them'. AGain, its all innocent, hes helping people who need advice or help.

Its always something in this head of mine. Something in me is saying: This or that girl pretends to be 'just a friend' but i think shes got hidden feelings for him.
And who knows one day hell start getting feelings too and ill be the victim of his kindness.
Oh man just reading the stuff im saying is making me feel so ashamed of myself, i dont like the person I become when im thinking like this. I want to be happy and make him happy thats all.
Im tired of worrying and im confused cause in my heart i KNOW hes dedicated to making this relationship last but (maybe out of habit) the stress is still there.

Anyways to keep this short, is there anybody here that has a solution to this problem? Im so exhausted.....

Thanks
CNN

[bluesummer]

My experience tells me that trust issues in a relationship are the result of one of two things:

1. He's done something to make you not trust him
2. You have some personal insecurity issues

Since you've made it pretty clear that it's not him, it's you, then you really need to ask yourself what the source of your insecurity is. Do you feel like you are not good enough for him?

Having friends of the opposite sex is healthy and normal. Its actually good that he's open with you about what a good friend she is - if he went through great pains to hide it, I would be more concerned. Do you have male friends outside of your relationship?

[CNN]

Yeah i do, which makes me even more confused.
I have great male friends and i know for a fact that they are not out to mess up my love life.
Everytime i start tripping in my mind i think about that, but somehow my evil side convinces me that its different from him.

I thought about it and there are a couple of things that may have trigured this behaviour:
1. I am defenitely insecure. Im slender (but think of myself as skinny) which truly disturbs me (the little breasts phenomenon). I also got into a big accident 10 yrs ago which left me with a huge burn on my left side of body.
I dont let it get to me in the way i dress. I dont even mind when people look at me funny. But i geuss it could be the source of this cause when i see a woman with breasts, a big ass and normal skin i feel bad........(man im so embarassed to admit all this)

2. 80% of the men i know have cheated on their girlfriends/wives

3. My first very serious relationship yrs ago blossomed out of a good friendship. That guy was dating someone at that time,he introduced me to his girlfriend saying; Farida, this is my best friend CNN. And a few months later he dumped her to be with me..........

Man , is there anybody here that thinks imma be able to change ???? Im at the bottom of the ladder and i cant get up when it comes to this one

[cheeze_guy]

in every relationship ive been in wen I havea feeling that shes cheatin normally she is so I go with my gut and u just cant let jelousy cloud your jugement! if hes a good guy then no worries otherwise talk to him and get it off yer chest

[CAM]

The avuncular crap that guys put up "I'm just her adviser, her friend" is a load of BS. A friend of mine at college did the same thing to his virgin Catholic girlfriend...he had all this other female "friends" who he "advised". Made his girlfriend who was already insecure such a freak case that she attempted suicide. Meanwhile, her boyfriend would tell me how he'd gotten all flirty with these girls he "advised" (never slept with them, but go over for dinner with them and drink wine and snuggle in front of the fire....yikes! Needless to say, I quickly ended our friendship...how he could do that to his nice girlfriend...it was totally disgusting.

In short: if it looks likes a rat and smells like a rat...it is probably a rat. In other words: if you don't trust him it is your instinct telling you that something isn't right.

[Chimeros0]

The post from CAM kind of reminds me of a Horror movie...

CAM obviously has had bad relations with many guys...
Not all guys are out to get you CAM.
I've also noticed that women are a hell of allot more paranoid then men...
Men get jealous,Woman get paranoid.

When people are insecure,their instincts are whacked.That's why it's so easy to mistake a mole hill for Everest...Or get decapitated in a Horror flick.

If you feel so insecure,confront him &/or dump him.

No offense intended...

[CAM]

CAM is not a woman. CAM is a man describing a situation that happened to a girl he knew.

No offense intended....

[CNN]

I must say Cheese Guy en CAM scare me. I'm paranoid but im not going to end this relationship because of this. Its something that drives me crazy sometimes but its not worth ending the relationship.
I thought it through and its defenitely my insecurity.

Ive talked about this with him but I didnt ask him to change, just to realize that hes in a relationship so certain things just cant happen anymore in comparison to being single. He understands it.
My last partner didnt like me talking to male friends, i started ignoring all my friends (people Ive known for years) and after some time I just didnt feel happy anymore so I left him. Dont want to make the mistake he made.
+ I truly believe a good and healthy relationship allows friends of the other sex because there is trust. thats what im aiming for. And something inside me says I can achieve that with this guy (didnt have that feeling with the other guys before)

So I geuss the solution is to start loving myself more huh? Does anybody have ideas on how I could start doing that?

[Gigabitch]

Can men and women be friends? Can they, really?

With regard to the trust issues, I'm afraid I'm with CAM on this. Please try to be clear with yourself about whether it's instinct or insecurity telling you not to trust, and then make a decision.

Whether or not she has hidden feelings for him is not the real concern, here. The question is, can you trust him. I know a little about this- my bf has some female friends who would love to be with him if it were offered. Fortunately for me, I trust him and believe that he is with me by choice. Do you believe this about your bf?

To love yourself: Try to find things to do that support your good feelings about yourself. It's not all about boobies, honey. Do you have any talents? Foster them. Do you have interesting thoughts? Write them down. Invest in yourself like you would in a child.

[Chimeros0]

Sorry CAM,
I am a Noob to the sight,it was one of my first posts.
I do however feel that her insecurity is dragging her down the well of distrust.
So,telling her to go with her instincts would be a bad idea...
Just confront him or join in,make friends with his friends.
If he says some BS that it's not a good idea,his definitely doing something wrong.

I personally have too many paranoid female friends...
It drives me batty,especially when they go for the "Bad" type & go crashing down when "he" cheats on "her".

[CNN]

I just started chatting with some of his friends, and it helps.
I do believe people from the opposite sex can be friends, i have so many male friends and they are like brothers to me. Off course this is due to years of friendship. Out of the 10 men i meet now, 8 are only out to get laid (their hunters instinct i geuss)
But it is a possibility, im sure bout that one.

Im sure hes not a dog in that way. THAT i would have smelled, woulnt be here looking for a solution if i believed that.

[vashti]

I have nothing to add to this thread except that big boobies make a woman look matronly when they hit middle age. I would appreciate your body if I were you. It's not about size, anyway; it's about proportion.

[CNN]

Ill work on it

Thanks guys

[Kristin258]

CNN, I used to go through the same thing, truly. And, like you, I also had a past boyfriend that did the same thing to me ("My last partner didnt like me talking to male friends, i started ignoring all my friends (people Ive known for years) and after some time I just didnt feel happy anymore so I left him. Dont want to make the mistake he made.").

I don't really know what exactly happened to change me. There was this book I read called Captivating by John and Stasi Elderidge (their last name may not be spelled correctly), and I know that definitely started the change and highly recommend you read it. It's Christian-based, I don't know what religion you are, so it may or may not appeal to you. It gave me so much self-worth and realization that I am actually a beautiful, as well as accepting that if my guy is indeed doing something he shouldn't be then I will find out eventually and do not need him to live.

Just take a deep breath, honey. Slow down. Take the stress and analyze it, write down what's going on (that also helped me out a lot too, for when I calmed down I could go back to that feeling of panic and stress over what I was thinking and have a more rational mind while reading what I felt). Overall, just take it slow. I know it's difficult to believe because when I was insecure like this I never believed it, but it still needs to be said: if in fact he is cheating on you, then you can find a better guy.

[CAM]

Learn something new. Volunteer to work at the museum, the zoo, old age homes. Join AmeriCorps. If you are religious, then help your religious community.

Sitting around and focusing on yourself is the worst thing...by working with others who have problems in their lives and need help, you develop a sense of humility and a sense of worth. You find out that your problems are pretty small compared to the problems of others and you can learn from others in how they deal with their plight in life. And volunteer with a pure heart...not to build a resume.