Gold Digger?

[elevator]

I'm 29 - I work full time and am a part-time Masters student. My parents are pensioners who often need my help (financially). I do the best I can, I don't often have a lot left over from my salary but family is family and this is life for the moment. My partner is of a different socio-economic background, so to speak. He went to the most expensive private school in the city and all his friends are from millionaire backgrounds. His ex was a doctor and his parents run a successful business - suffice to say money isn't much of an issue for him. he studied law but is yet to get a job in that field but he still runs his own business which is quite profitable. He also has an investment property and inheritances and what not.

He currently shares a house with his ex until they sell/divide profits and buy their own individual properties etc. Due to this, he doesn't like to stay home much as they get on each others nerves so he has basically lived with me for the past 15 months.

I'll start by saying that things are always 50/50 between us - there have been times he's wanted to go out for dinner/movie and I've literally been on my last $20.00 so he paid, but this isn't often at all. About 6 months ago I expressed that I needed to get a housemate just so I could catch up with things on the money front...I was tired of living pay-check to pay-check. But I mentioned that he wouldn't be able to spend as much time at my place because it wouldn't be fair on the housemate, especially since it's not a big place. He said that it was a bad idea, that it would cramp our style etc...but at the same time, never offered to pay a bill, a portion of the rent or any living expenses in all of our 15 months together. When I said that maybe he could contribute, he called me a 'gold digger'.

I actually feel like the opposite, like I'm the one getting used. He's so guarded/secretive about his finances, never tips waiters...even at times when I've been down to my last $20.00, never offered to lend me money until my next pay check (I've never not paid anyone back in my life). Am I delusional or is he just very tight? I've only had one relationship before this (for 9 years) so I'm inexperienced for my age and don't really know what normal is...all I know is that I never had this problem in my previous relationship...we just shared. I've done nothing to suggest gold-digger attitude; I don't have expensive tastes and I don't ask anything. If I can't afford to buy something, then I don't.

What do you guys think? I'm actually thinking about ending it because a) I don't want someone who thinks I'm with them for their money (which I've never seen any of so that's strange thinking) but I also don't want someone who priorities the mighty dollar over everything.

[michelle23]

He practically lives with you and has not helped pay rent or bills? You should kick him out.

[elevator]

Yeah, I'm thinking of just telling him to live in the house he pays for, rather than in mine. He says he wouldn't expect me to pay if I lived with him, but the point is - I don't live with him and if i did, I'd be contributing whether he wanted me to or not. It's one thing to be called a gold-digger when you are, but to be called one when you're the one losing out if plain annoying.

[Rowen]

When I said that maybe he could contribute, he called me a 'gold digger'.

I have a question... Why in hell are you still dating a guy who calls you that? Seriously? This guy is a bloody prick for calling someone who supports themselves and tries making their life work a name like that. DUMP HIM NOW-- That's what I'd do. It's quick and simple. Just pick up the phone and tell him, "Uh, yeah, this thing that was a nice thing for a while until you started acting like a cunt? Yeah, it's over. You have twenty four hours before your shit goes into a dumpster. Have a nice day."

I actually feel like the opposite, like I'm the one getting used. He's so guarded/secretive about his finances, never tips waiters...even at times when I've been down to my last $20.00, never offered to lend me money until my next pay check (I've never not paid anyone back in my life).

I would feel that way too, if I were you. It's different if you're making a habit out of asking for money from him. But you're not, so he has no right to treat you like this. Especially after 15 months? What the hell is wrong with him?

If I were you, I'd find someone who could treat me well- not a child that's going to treat you like dirt he can walk around on.

[smackie9]

Why are you still dating this guy? It has taken you 6 months to get an outside opinion? Do you have low self worth? He has his head so far up his ass, he has no clue what it's like to actually be without or to have very little. I guess he is used to living off his parents money, why not yours? If I were in your shoes, the min he says that to me, I would be showing him the door. Your BF is a douchy douche.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Agree with the others. Dump him.

You mentioned what his parents, friends, and ex do, but you haven't mentioned what does for a living? Does he do anything?

[vashti]

Does he do anything?

I'm guessing he's a scam artist.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I'm guessing he's a scam artist.

Being a scam artist actually takes work. I'm guessing he's just living off his parents.

[kat82]

Sounds like he's the gold digger

[HeartIsAching]

Rowen's advice is particularly good.

You're not asking him for things all the time, you made a suggestion that would help you financially, and he's against it... why? Because it cuts into HIS pleasures (you), yet he's not willing to help. Talk about a selfish prick.

Tell him it's not working out, and put an ad on Craigslist for a roommate.

[HeartIsAching]

Whoops, nevermind about Craigslist. Just realized you're in Australia. Put an ad wherever you think it'd work best.

[Wakeup]

lolzzz... douchey douche. Love it.

[elevator]

Thanks for the replies. I honestly think he lives off inheritances/his parents or whatever, I'm not sure. I know he runs a small business (IT) but he's never been open about how much income that provides. I have a feeling his ex (a specialist doctor who probably made a fair bit of $) took care of financial matters. Either way, I've distanced myself. He can go roll around in his $$ and his paranoia. My ex was 'poor' in comparison and we never had these issues.