New Girlfriend but bit confused

[Albinoni]

In the past month I have been dating this girl/woman who is chinese and from HK but now here in Australia and on a student visa, shes here studying English, fair enough and I am happy for her to do that. She's also on a 1 year student visa and after that might re apply for another 1 year student visa, see how things go. I know she loves Australia alot and would like to live here as well.

I am her bf now and have been out with her few times, kissed, hold hands, she puts her arms around me and I put my arms around her, put it simply we are a couple now.

But I am confused as whether she truly does like me or is she using me, I dont want to point my finger at her and say she using me and blame her for this and that, until I have proof. But what I do want to find out is if this girl is truly genuine and not just using.

Some point here to make:

1. We have been out togther for about 7 or so times now, prob 8 at max and everytime we have been out Ive paid for lunches, dinners and coffees, now am not sure if
oneday she will offer to pay, what should I do ?

2. When we go out she will hold my hand and also sometims put her arm around me which is nice, but how genuine it is I dont know.

3. Now funny thing is when I took her out few night ago and we were walking in town she allowed me to fully kiss her on the lips as in proper kissing, which was nice. Tonight I took her out for coffee and dinner than I walked her back to her place to keep her company, I went in and had coffee with her or tea, she looked very beautiful
, I tried to kiss her again but she kept sort of being reluctant about it, I am not saying that she refused to kiss me a 100%, but she now and again she jusyt pulled
back and was reluctant and some other times she would, sort of on and off, sorry I am confused.

How can I find out what should I do to find if this girl truly does like me and is serious about me, and what can I do to find out.

Your advice and help greatly appreciated.

[Cerby]

Use your intuition. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. You paying isn't all that unusual, some people, and especially some cultures, are all about the oldschool gender roles. But her reluctance to kiss you and pulling away, that might have some problems, or she might just be reluctant for physical progression.

Either way, 7 dates in, things should be escalating physically from here, if they go stale you're going to want to look at other options.

[smackie9]

Stop taking her out on paid dates. There are other things you can do that cost very little to no money. Sit at home and watch a movie together, go for a walk along the beach, go visit some friends and hang out.

Talking about different about cultures, she might have a whole different set of dating rules. I agree with Cerby, I bet in her culture the man is expected to take the lead and pay for all dates. So if you don't like this style of dating, don't go out with her anymore.

[Albinoni]

I dont mind taking her out now and again and paying for her, fair enough but also in todays world I believe the woman also has to make her contibution and share as well. I live in Australia and in this country today its a two way thing, someitmes the man pays and sometimes she pays and to me thats fair enough. But she cant expect me to be paying all the time. If I ever invite her out for a coffee or lunch sure fair enough I pay because its me that invited her.

But I have promised to take her out on her Bday fair enough and after that will be the last time, I wont call her anymore and will now pplace the ball in her court, let her call me for a change, take me out and pay for me, simple.

[smackie9]

I doubt that's gonna happen......

[dreamer_piscean]

I'm a Chinese, and I have to tell you that majority of Chinese family, expect man to pay all the bills on dates. Of course there are exceptions, it depends on the girl you are dating, whether she chose to follow that set of rules, or she is willing to contribute some of the date expenses if she really care about you. As for me, I will if you are someone I like. I'm thinking, her way of pulling back might caused by her own set of perception on you, maybe because of different mindset, she felt insecure too? Or maybe her family against her to have a relationship with white guy? I think it's best that you ask her directly what causes the withdrawal instead of guessing it on your own. Since she is your gf, both of you should be able to communicate sincerely and openly. I thought you should give it a try first before stop calling her, because if she doesn't like you, she wouldn't have kissed you earlier, right? Also, ask her about her opinion on the date expenses, maybe she is studying here and she has a financial problem? Are you working or you are still studying?

[sundaygirl]

I second everything that dreamer_piscean said. I'm from central asia and it's also the same thing in our culture guys are expected to pay on the dates and you should really be open about what concerns u since you are a couple as u stated. Now I'm also dating a guy and he has been paying everything when we were out and I would pay except I can't cuz I'm not working right now and he knows that and if he decides to ditch me cuz he is always paying then screw him jk, but I'd appreciate if he came upfront and told me about it instead of holding a grunge against me behind my back. If something doesn't feel right come on out and talk about it like a man.

[AdminOnline]

paying is one thing..

the big issue here is whether the girl is using TS to get PR /citizenship in Australia..
this is common nowadays in my country...

just hang on for a few more years..TS.. if you are not in a hurry to marry.

[sundaygirl]

Yes that's right the biger issue here is, if she is using you to get a citizenship. BUT why can't she just date someone she really loves to get married now that she is ALREADY in Australia???? If this relationship won't work out, can't she just date another guy? Why does she have to date someone she doesn't like so she could use him, when she could date so she could love him? I mean, you can fall in love with another race it's not like we're in a freaking another planet and have totally different type of bodies, like 4 eyes and 5 boobs etc. I on my first date also acted hesistant to kiss and be intimate CUZ i have never kissed before and a few dates werent simply enough to get warmed up to a person but once he kissed me once i was very open for other kisses that's one thing that was different from your story.