Boyfriend wants a gang bang.

[Shily666]

Basically, we work differently from most people. I tell him that he owns me and can do whatever he wants with me without my consent. I guess you could say that I'm a sadomasochist. He says I own him too, but he's far more dominant than I am. I let him dominant me most of the time, but when he crosses the line I make sure he knows.

So, we've been discussing this topic for about a month or two now. Before that, he talked to me about it, but it was one of his "tests". He said I almost failed it, but I told him I really didn't like the idea of other men touching me. Now, he really does want it and I kind of want it too. He likes the idea of him and someone else dominating me. He says it's okay with him as long as he says it's okay(he says I have no say, because as I said before, I tell him he can do whatever he wants to me without my consent). I'm going to feel a bit awkward and socially anxious if I'm not used to a person, so I'm not sure how I'd be able to deal with having sex with a new person. He says he'll feel the same way (we both have social anxiety).

The thing that stuck out the most for me is the fact that he said it can be anyone. It can be an emo guy or a hot guy, anyone. I asked him if that meant he trusts me, and he says yes.

Today I suggested a friend who may be willing to do it with us. He suggested that I ask him, so I did and the guy said he'll do it. My boyfriend asked him some questions while on my account which I was okay with. Another thing my boyfriend told me that really stuck out is that he said I could have sex with my friend when he goes back home (he lives in Australia and plans to visit me in a few months and stay with me for 3 months). I was a little surprised that he said that. He said I could have sex with him as long as I tell him before-hand and take a video of it.

I'm not the cheating type (and neither is my boyfriend), so I told him how I felt. I said that it would feel like I was cheating even with permission and I would feel really guilty afterwards. He said it was just a suggestion and that I didn't have to do it. I'm glad he trusts me very much though.

I was just wondering what you think about it. Would you do this if your boyfriend wanted it? How would you react and deal with this? Just curious.

[nico88]

Sweetheart...what you're describing is a threesome. A gang bang is when a group of guys violently bang (well rape really) a girl.

If you're cool with this kind of thing then shit...go for it. But it sounds like you're not really comfortable with the idea otherwise I don't think you'd be coming on here for advice.

Don't just do something you're not comfortable with because it's gunna make your bf happy. If he cares about you then he'll respect your decision. If not then I'd find someone else who treats you like a person and not like a possession..

[Shily666]

He calls it a gang bang, but I do realize it's a threesome. I just go with what he calls it.

I'm not really coming on here for advice, I just wanna see what people think about it.

And like I stated in my first paragraph, I allow him to treat me sort of like a possession, but he he treats me like a person too. He does care about me, and if I didn't want to do it, then he'll say okay because he still respects my decisions.

[Wakeup]

He calls it a gang bang, but I do realize it's a threesome. I just go with what he calls it.

I'm not really coming on here for advice, I just wanna see what people think about it.

And like I stated in my first paragraph, I allow him to treat me sort of like a possession, but he he treats me like a person too. He does care about me, and if I didn't want to do it, then he'll say okay because he still respects my decisions.

Monogamous people would not do what he's proposing and you're feeling guilty to reject. (so it would seem) I think You'd never not do what he wants because he's trained you to be a submissive. (more then sadomasochist I'd venture) I suspect if you said "no" he'd manipulate you to aquience anyway. No?

[Shily666]

I'm not too afraid to reject, I have rejected before and he was fine with it. Then he mentioned it again later and I felt up to it, and ever since then it's been okay. When I tell him I don't want to do something, he respects it.

[Wakeup]

If he respects it, then why did he ask you again after you said "no?" That's not respecting it, it's coercing you, luv.

[nico88]

Oh I gotcha. My bad. I just kinda skimmed your first paragraph haha.

I'm all for being in control of my girl when we're doing our thing but I could never watch someone else **** her. I'd probably end up kicking the guy's ass.

I guess if you're comfortable with the idea then it's not a big thing. I recommend maybe having a safe word in case shit gets too cray and you're not as comfortable with it as you think? But being into the whole dom/sub shit I'm sure you're well familiarized with the importance of safety words ha

[Shily666]

I guess he asked again because I did show some interest and I told him he could do it if he wanted, it's his choice. He said I didn't have to if I didn't want it. I didn't exactly give him a straight answer, so I guess that's why he asked again to make sure.

[masticate]

If he respects it, then why did he ask you again after you said "no?" That's not respecting it, it's coercing you, luv.

I disagree that this conclusion is necessarily true based on a purely logical standpoint. If people didn't push boundaries with sex or put up passive resistance monogamy wouldn't even exist, is my prediction.

However considering the case at hand it (your conclusion) seems rather likely.

There is a technicality to resolve in the original post as well: by claiming you allow him to do things (i.e. whatever he wants) without your consent, you are expressing consent.

Just do whatever you want to do and perhaps review what exactly each of you expects from the other, in terms of promises/exclusivity/commitment as well as submission/masochism. If you enjoy the idea of being coerced into filming a porno with a strange guy because you believe it is for his benefit, then do it because it gets him off. If you don't enjoy the idea, then don't do it, as he has apparently not been very forceful about it; it shouldn't matter if you say you're not up for it. A good dom knows how to be respecful and can be trusted.

[Valixy]

Just because people can think or do something, it doesn't mean they should actually go for it. Some fantasies should be left just that fantasies or sometimes a too big price is being paid, panic attacks like other people had to face when crossing the boundaries they imagined they could without any consequences, guilt, shame and broken people and relationships.

In my opinion, lots of things are misinterpreted in this era of ''sexual freedom''when people like to think that everything is ok while they're not hurting anybody, but the truth is that by not filtering your thoughts, applying some self control and simply accepting everything that goes through your head or through in between your legs, you're nothing but a mere puppet of your sexual desires. You represent much more as human being, reason, self control, healthy discrimination, elevated feelings, not a degradation in front of your sexual appetites, not matter as enjoyable they may seem to be.

[chinagirl]

I suggest you don't do anything that you are not comfortable with. This video that he is suggesting you do with your friend, DON'T do it for your own sake... It will come back and bite you in the ass one day.

I think the reason why he is introducing you to have a threesome with another guy is that next time, he would want to have a threesome with another girl. Is that something you would feel comfortable with?

I think your BF is steering your relationship towards belonging in a "swinger's club" one day.

[Shily666]

I suggest you don't do anything that you are not comfortable with. This video that he is suggesting you do with your friend, DON'T do it for your own sake... It will come back and bite you in the ass one day.

I think the reason why he is introducing you to have a threesome with another guy is that next time, he would want to have a threesome with another girl. Is that something you would feel comfortable with?

I think your BF is steering your relationship towards belonging in a "swinger's club" one day.

No, he's not like that. He says he doesn't want to **** another girl unless I want him to, which I don't. We're not the cheating type or the "swinger" type at all. He just wants to try something new with me and finds it hot to see me being dominated by another male. And if either of us doesn't like it afterwards, we won't do it anymore.

[michelle23]

What worries me is that this seems to be a long distance relationship. How long have you been together? How sure are you that you really trust this guy? Are you sure hes not manipulating you and just pretending to care? I see a lot of red flags here and I think you should be cautious.

Does being a sub really turn you on or are you just doing this to please him? Be honest with yourself. Is this the type of relationship you have always dreamed of?

[Shily666]

What worries me is that this seems to be a long distance relationship. How long have you been together? How sure are you that you really trust this guy? Are you sure hes not manipulating you and just pretending to care? I see a lot of red flags here and I think you should be cautious.

Does being a sub really turn you on or are you just doing this to please him? Be honest with yourself. Is this the type of relationship you have always dreamed of?

We've been together for a year now. I'm very sure that I can trust him a lot. He has sent me packages of his stuff to me before, and I've sent him packages as well. He gives me his password to his FB (and I do it for him too) and he's never done anything suspicious with me throughout the relationship. He's a very trustworthy guy and he can be very protective of me.

And yes, I do enjoy being submissive to him because it turns me on and it turns him on too. This is exactly what I've wanted in a relationship. I've never met a man like him before who loved all the things that I love to do.

[michelle23]

Im sorry but I don't buy it. Something about this whole thing makes me distrust your bf. I mean hes basically telling you to f**k other men when hes in oz. Thats him telling you he will be sleeping with other women. And a guy whose possessive and protective of his gf-cannot stand the thought of her being with someone else. Men who really love you and see you as "his" would beat the crap out of any guy that shags his girl..