I'm just curious on my ex girlfriend's behavior, it makes no sense to me.

[getupkid49]

Basically this isn't really an implied help me reconcile or get her back thread. Where I stand is confused because I do miss and care about her and since we've been broken up for almost 3 months now, I feel if we were to get together that I've healed and learned enough.

Briefly, she broke up with me close to 3 months ago because I sucked as a boyfriend. I carried too much baggage from a rough relationship that ended 3 years ago so mentally I always held back, and there was lack of commitment on my part. She got tired of feel insignificant and unloved.

This is what confuses me. She texted me two weeks ago out of nowhere saying she wishes I cared about her while we dated, that her friend and her boyfriend pissed her off thinking our relationship wasn't what she wanted and that she regrets dating me, and wouldn't want to be a pushover by taking me back. She was also drinking at the time. I said my side and she got less nasty but still said I disappointed her. To be friendly I've asked her if she would ever go out for drinks with me (I'm ok enough to be friends at this point) and somewhat agreed but very reluctantly, and it would turn into her asking why I all of a sudden want to be her friend and hang out. I sent her just a goofy message last week on facebook saying:
me: come back
her: ?
me:to me
her: why
me: bc I want you, all of you not your body
her: what do you want me to say?
me: say ok I'm yours haha
her: ok
me: do it
her: no

I wasn't deliberately trying to sweep her off her feet because she knew I wasn't really trying to win her back that way but why I mentioned this is because two nights ago we talked for almost 5 hours via text, half arguing. She hangs out with this kid that I suspect is her new "thing" so I asked and she told me everything, they get along so they're just friends, she doesn't like him at all, they did kiss while drunk but "aren't hooking up and she isn't his girl" and all that jazz. So we fought about it because I dropped the bomb and mentioned I've been hanging out with a girl I had a fling with 2 years ago before I met my now ex. She threw a fit saying I'm a horrible person and she can't believe that I hang out with her, to please tell her if I like her and if I slept with her etc. I don't like her and haven't done anything like that but she didn't believe me, I just said we went out to the bar twice and I stayed at her house bc I was drunk. Again she was going crazy asking about us and that she knows we're something etc.

So I tried being cute and saying she's being adorable getting so jealous about somebody that isn't anything but a friend to me. She said not to mistake this as her being jealous and to not flatter myself, that it's just "weird" I'm talking to her again. Keep in mind they used to be friends but stopped because my ex thought the other girl still had feelings for me while we were dating. My ex deleted the girl off her facebook a day or two ago I also noticed. Also, my ex told me "I see you also messaged ..... for her number too, so another girl you're talking to." She knew this because she still knows my password on facebook and admitted she went on it and saw the message. So after me getting pissed off I said I'm not waiting around for her and stuff if she doesn't want me anyway, so this was when she brought up that facebook conversation I wrote earlier. She said "you just told me the other day on facebook you want me but now you don't? I don't get you." Then will continue to say she wouldn't date me again, she isn't jealous, she LIKED me a lot but doesn't have feelings anymore she just still cares about me as a person and would never take me back especially after hearing I've been hanging out with the other girl. But after all that I say, "I wish I could take you, buy you drinks, start over and eventually lay in your bed, not with (other girl)" and she responds that I probably tell the other girl this. THEN says "I feel like if we got back together your friends would all hate me now." WHAT? See where I'm at with this?

The NEXT day, which was this Monday, she texts me "I feel weird about the conversation we had." Then explains she thinks we shouldn't talk because basically she doesn't want to know what I'm doing and stuff. So again I bring up forgetting all these past regrets she has with me and stop playing games, she gets nasty and says she would never be with me again and we aren't good together. After slight bickering she says "I wish I knew of a 40's/50's restaurant were you dress up to go, can you help me find one?" Again I'm like WHAT? So I told her to try Brooklyn or Manhattan (we're from NJ) and a few minutes later she says she made supervisor at her job, I say congrats and she says thanks, that was it.

To recap in short:
1. She wanted the breakup, but kept loose contact, up and down with good or bad moods.
2. Says she's confused and doesn't know what to do in terms of us getting back together.
3. Says she won't take me back, regrets being in a year long disappointing relationship, but comes out of the blue to tell me this. I didn't ask.
4. Says if we got back together she'd be afraid my friends would hate her. Even agreed to hang out, albeit VERY reluctantly
5. Says she isn't jealous of girl I'm friends with but A) went on my facebook, looked at my messages B) deleted the girl off her facebook C)interrogated me about mine and the girl's entire situation and where I want it to go and D) also had a lot to say about the other girl I messaged.
6. Says again she couldn't take me back but her guy friend has nothing to do with it.
7. A few weeks ago we went no contact for 2.5 weeks, I broke this by messaging her on facebook asking her a question. 4 days later she texted me asking why I messaged her, which was obvious.
8. Brought up why I said I wanted her in a facebook message but said I don't during an argument.

As of today we aren't speaking. The kid she is friends with heard I say he's a dirtbag and loser (which he very much is) so on twitter he said something about me. I told her to tell her friend he needs to chill out with insulting me on twitter and she said she is tired of me asking about him, doesn't want to get involved in this and although she's taking no sides she wishes for me to not contact her anymore. That was it.

So if any of you ladies can sort of let me know what is going on in her pretty little head I'd love to be enlightened. I'm in the process of moving on but in hindsight I do miss her and would like to get another chance if it were right on both ends, but I'm trying to understand if she still has feelings for me, is completely over me, has feelings and doesn't want them or is just plain crazy? Thanks for checking out the long read.

[smackie9]

No we can't. It's been three months, I think it's time to stop wasting your energy on playing "what's on her mind" and get back to moving on with your life.

[smackie9]

Me personally, I think she is getting off on knowing she still has emotional control over you......gives her a confidence boots, because she sure needs it. It sounds to me she is lacking self confidence if she is finding herself attracted to a dirt bag. She's a twit. You can do better.

[getupkid49]

Yes I know, I basically already moved on but with the ways she's been acting I keep wondering what the hell she's up to. And I can totally agree she has self confidence issues, she always seemed to have very little self esteem which attributes to the way she felt about me when we dated, she ended up telling me I reminded her of an ex she had that cheated on her. To be honest I'm starting to feel bad for her, I even just got done telling my female friend (the subject of my post opposite my ex) and she was even like wow, that's weird she's acting like that.

Only argument I can hold is her attitude WAS clear she knew she had emotional control over me, until I stopped focusing on her and started paying attention to other people who make me happy, her mood changed real fast and this was what the results were that I posted. I had no problem not texting her prior and will not now so I guess we'll see what else she pulls here if anything.

[Boisdevie]

Thanks for checking out the long read.

No need to thank me. I didn't read all this shi.te.

Who cares what she does, thinks etc. She's your ex. I have an ex. She could be shagging the entire national football team for all I care.

[getupkid49]

I think whether I should care or not is irrelevant and that is why I posted here, thank you for pretty much nothing. I thought this was a forum where people ask because they like to hear unbiased answers, not short insignificant remarks.

[michelle23]

You had her, you took her for granted, refused to commit, hurt her and she eventually had enough and told you to get lost. What did you expect to happen?

You don't know what you have got till its gone. You lose. get over it! she deserves better than that and you know it.

This reminds me of my cousins previous on/off crappy co-dependent "relationship". Im so glad she got rid of that loser and now she has moved on, is with someone else and happy

[toknow]

It seems she still has feelings for you, otherwise she wouldn't care who you hang out with - there are exceptions to this where the person doesn't want you, but doesn't want anyone else to have you either (don't try to understand it...lol).
A lot of people get upset about someone being jealous, but they are foolish to be at the least, because it shows the person cares. People also have to understand that the person being jealous doesn't enjoy that at all, in fact it's like torture for them, so instead of getting upset about it one needs to appreciate that they will go through this for you, need to try to help them, and need to realize being "interrogated" is nothing compare to what your loved one is going through, because you don't show them enough love so they will feel secure enough not to be jealous.

I think you can get her back without a problem.

[michelle23]

Me personally, I think she is getting off on knowing she still has emotional control over you......gives her a confidence boots, because she sure needs it. It sounds to me she is lacking self confidence if she is finding herself attracted to a dirt bag. She's a twit. You can do better.

but he used to be her dirtbag. they both have issues

[smackie9]

No she is the one, because she lets it keep happening.

[smackie9]

A dirt bag can be put in his place with the right woman.

[smackie9]

I think you can get her back without a problem.

Ya way to go....so he can keep taking advantage of her.

[michelle23]

A dirt bag can be put in his place with the right woman.

Ya coz shell dump his ass the first time and not look back. Its a wakeup call to change. Until then-until he loses someone amazing hell continue to be an ass. I dont know though do I really believe that people like that ever change. Ill believe it when I see it

[getupkid49]

I guess my reply didn't post. to the two ladies ripping me apart; Id appreciate if the insults were kept to a minimum because I understand she is more of a victim here where I am not. however you don't know me so assuming I'm an "ass" or "dirtbag" is a little brash, IMO. within our relationship I not only admit and understand my faults but my faults weren't of unforgivable magnitude. I was never verbally abusive, NEVER physically abusive nor would I ever be to anyone, didn't cheat and was faithful. I was distant at times, closed off, and hid my emotions often. if that makes me a dirtbag than I guess guilty as charged, I will accept ass as an insult though since I could elaborate.

I understood my mistakes, asked for forgiveness and she held back and wasnt sure what to do, I accepted this. but why keep playing these games? why not give me a clean break after all this, I don't think playing around is benefitting either of us.

[michelle23]

okay im sorry if i got the wrong end of the stick.

she is still emotionally there but id say a lot has happened and she thinks youll just break her heart. i revommend you get some counselling to work on your emotional unavailability, fear of commitment and fear of being hurt.

you can either push any girl who tries to get close out of fear coz of some bitch from 3years ago or you can grow a pair, take a leap and stop being afraid. what u afraid of anyway? pain? heartache? pain is only temporary and you should no by now that time is a great healer.

if you want her back-then you have to let go of that fear and give her 100% coz otherwise shell just find someone else who will and youll be left on your own again. talk to her face to face and tell her no more bullshit.