A bit of a rant maybe? Intamcy problems...

[Miss Manners]

Hi all...

I have been seeing my partner now since the start of the year. I'm 39, he's 40 - I've got 3 teenagers and he's got no children.

Anyway, when we first started seeing each other, it was a sexual based relationship. Then when we developed feelings for each other it all but stopped. In the last 6 months, we've only had sex twice. I have made attempts to excite him as I am a very sexual person, but he says he has erection problems, although there have been times where I've tried to get him going which looked like it was working perfectly to me, but he got angry and made me stop.

Due to this lack of intamcy, I am having jealousy issues now. I have major issues with his female friends and I am loosing my confidence - and previously i was very confident - I still have strangers try and chat me up etc - but that doesnt make me feel any better...

On Friday night we went out, had alot to drink and went back to a friends place, we were meant to be there on our own and I was really looking forward to it as all my kids are away for a week.. But, instead of us having our alone time, he invites people over. We had only hung out with these people the week before so I didn't want to. He did cancel it in the end, but made me feel awful for it.

We get back to his friends house and the sex thing comes up, it turns into a massive blue with me saying awful things about one of his female friends (becuase he has contradicted himself about her before and I'm paranoid). The end result of this argument was, yes we love each other, yes we trust each other and yes, he will go to a doctor on Monday to see what can be done...

Saturday night he worked... Sunday he worked... Monday he was meant to have the day off - which would be our last child free day (he lives with me)...

So Sunday comes around... I had been looking forward to a Sunday night/Monday all week... I get up at 3.30am to go to work, I was there 9.5 hours standing in the sun the whole day. He gets up at 9am and does a 6 hour shift in a bottleshop. He gets hom from work a little after 4pm and I'd fallen asleep for 15 mins from pure exhaustion. I woke up as soon as he came in and got happy/chatty (cause i love being with him!)... I start telling him about my day, and within 5 minutes, he opens up his book and starts reading while I'm talking! I start to fume, he says how tired he is and jumps in bed. I try to go back to sleep and he continues his reading, but I can't sleep... Another 15 minutes goes by, and I decide to get up. He asks if I'd like to go out for dinner, I say yes! But he didn't seem to want to, it was like he was just trying to say the right thing. I go jump in the shower, and by the time I'm done, he's fast asleep. I go out to the lounge surf the net a bit, trying not to be hurt, but thats impossible. An hour later, I walk back into the room and ask him if he wants anything from the shop. Yep, cigs...

I got for a drive, and got back 45 mins later - with a bottle of bubbles - afterall I was trying to enjoy my last night of freedom. I can hear snoring from the bedroom... 8.15 comes along.. I've decided going out for dinner is no longer an option, but his fav show was about to start, so I go let him know... He gets up, comes into the loungeroom, his show on in the background and gets back to his book. I offer him a drink - no thanks - so I get started into my bubbles.

Half an hour later he announces he's hungry. Sure I say, I'll get some dinner on. Off I go into the kitchen make a salad, cook up some steaks, clean up etc.. I let him know it's ready, come and get it. 5 minutes later, I remind him again. He comes, he eats and compliments... Another 20 minutes goes by, he's still reading his book (even while he ate). By now, I'm really upset. So I say to him. Do you think there's any chance I get get as much attention as your book? *(btw, I had made subtle hints prior to this about it being rude reading while I'm talking to him) His reply - You're narky tonight aren't you? Then silence..

15 more minutes of silence - I ask him have you finished dinner? Yeah... So I start cleaning up, he's now switched from his book to the computer. He didn't lift a finger to help out in any way, which urked me even more...

So where does this go? 15 minutes after I've finished cleaning up and endured him ignoring me for the computer, I let it rip. All I get is silence, no sorry, no acknowledgement, nothing. I go to bed, he stays up for another 3 hours.

This morning, nothing, not a word. He told me last night he had to work today afterall, so I was upset that not only did I loose my last night of freedom to a book, but he's also working on my last day.

He goes to work, I tell him I love him , he tells me the same.

I send him a text throughout the day... I'm making an appointment for myself at the dr's, should I make you one? The response I got was - nah thanks love.
That absolutely gutted me. after coming 4th best to a book computer and tv, he's now no longer interested in keeping his word about our other issues.

"he's just not that into you" keeps coming to mind, but I know he loves me to bits as I do him, but I'm now at the point where it's depressing me more often than not!

I don't know what to do...

[Boisdevie]

Sounds like he's making excuses. If he wanted to make love to you and had a medical problem he'd be round to see the doc in a flash.

[Incognito]

Ok, how can I put this miss manners?.... You two are friends, and nothing more. Friends love each other, but don't have sex. Sex is the dividing line between friendship and a relationship. What you have to ask yourself is, do I mind having a live in friend, or do I need a relationship? If you need a real relationship then you need to start preparing yourself emotionally for a breakup. Then you need to break up and have some time alone, no rebound relationships.

[RdHrshyKss]

i agree with incognito, as always . doesn't sound like you guys have that spark. he's comfortable with you and that's about it. he might even be getting his attention elsewhere. how many female friends did you say he had? and how often does he hang out with these lady friends? i mean, this is just pure speculation, but it is a possibility. i'd try initiating with him in a really sexy, knock your socks off, kinda way. if he still isn't interested after you've put in an obvious effort, i think it's time to start planning for the end.

[Applesauce]

find out what book he's reading so you can share with us. Sounds like it's too good to put down