Mixed feelings from a girl - Need help

[Jack_720]

Hi all, below you can see parts of a Facebook chat between a girl I have a huge crush on. I find her very difficult to read as a person so I need your assistance.

This is very important to me so please read it all and help.
Everything here is happening on Facebook unless written otherwise.

First of all I first talked to her a month ago by wishing her happy birthday and then when I thought the chat is gonna end, she asks me "How r u?" and the chat continiued since then (over 1200 messages in 1 month).

Her responses are very different each time, once she's responding positive with smileys, other times I get a feeling that she doesn't care and writes "Oh", "Yep", "Ok"...

She talks a lot how she wants to do things such as:
HER: "I'm looking at clothes at the mall"
ME: "Look for me too haha"
HER: "I'd do it if you were here"

And when I asked her if she has time she says I'm tired or busy and stuff.
I also noticed that sometimes when we see each other at school, I'm walking by and she could easily spot me but I just think that she doesn't wanna say hi, when we obviously both see each other I get a wave or she says hi.

Not a long ago this happened (short version):
HER: "Do you drink alcohol?"
ME: "Yeah I do"
HER: "Would you like to get a drink sometime?"
ME: "Yes I'd like to do it ofc, you might die laughing haha"
HER: "Hahah okay I accept the invitation" --> what??
ME: "You can bring girl-friends if you want"
HER: "I don't think so, one of them might steal you" (from her ??)
...
And since then she once couldn't come due to tiredness and isn't talking about it either -- when we were arranging it she was excited...

It happened twice that I did not click her after around 3 days to chat because I had nothing to say.
The fourth day:
ME: "Hey there, I'm not seeing you around"
HER: "I'm sleeping hahah, how come that you're not writing for so long?"
...
Why doesn't she just click me on FB?

Other mention-worth things:
- she gave me her phone number for future summer break meetings (which I doubt will happen)
- she sent me a :* once
- she is probably physically attracted to me
- she often asks me to send her pictures (I sent her pics from a wedding, drawings, from fitness, from a walk...)

If you need any other info ask me please.
Help.

[melancholia]

She sounds like she is either shy, or uninterested but liking the attention you give her. Try asking her out, but be more direct. Say, "hey, I'd like to get together with you sometime; maybe we can go for dinner/drinks/(whatever your date idea is). If you'd like to do that, when are you available?" and go from there. If she keeps playing you by saying she wants to get together, without actually following through, it may be a sign that you should call it a loss and move on.

For now, stop reading so far into her texts. Be direct, ask her out, and go from there. What do you have to lose?

[Sweet_Dee]

I agree with meloncholia. Be more direct and straight forward. Tell her that you like her and you want to to take her on a date with intentions to begin a relationship, and if she beats around the bush you need to let her know you're not going to stick around for her benefit. If she still avoids you or doesn't go through with plans, let her go. I know that's not what you want to hear, but at that point if feelings aren't being reciprocated its probably because one person doesn't feel the same. Good luck to you. Cheers~xoxo

[Jack_720]

I would have asked her out already but as I'm saying I'm getting mixed responses.
While she's texting me kinda a lot of Facebook, we can barely talk in real-life.

She does the first move (giving phone number, asking me for a drink etc...) and then it seems that she doesn't wanna hear about it.

I agree with you guys but an honest message is a double-edged sword, it might make things clear to her but from that point on I can assume that we would be talking much less and I don't want to lose what we have now, especially because I'm having a crush on her for almost 9 months.

[hazey daisy]

Oh good lord you call that mixed signals???? She is serving herself on a platter! She has left opportunity after opportunity for you to step in and ask her out. She's pulled away because you haven't stepped up...she is discouraged and wondering what's wrong with her, like she not attractive enough? the rumors are wrong after all that you have a crush on her? She thought for sure you would jump at the chance but you didn't. ATM you look pretty bad and may not be able to salvage this because she is so put off by your lack of confidence in yourself.

TIP: if you like a girl, you ask her out regardless whether she is giving you signals or not. That is how she knows you like her, and it gets all this other crap out of the way. If she says yes, she likes you, if she says maybe or no or let me think about it, she doesn't like you. It's pretty simple.

[TheEvilJester]

I definitely understand how you feel. I hate when people feel the need to play these ridiculous games and give you the run-around. Granted, I do agree with hazey. She probably would not have given you her phone number if she didn't like you. So, at that point, you should have just given it a shot and asked her out.

Granted, I do agree that maybe she figured by doing things like that (giving you her phone number, for example) you'd take that as a hint and ask her out. The thing is, at least from the details you have shared, I wouldn't say you have done anything to give her the impression you are NOT interested. So, though I am somewhat old-fashioned and think it usually should be the guy to make the first move, I'm also modern enough to know that is shouldn't necessarily always HAVE to be.

So, IF she's interested, rather than to just play these ridiculous games with you, the mature adult thing to do would be to ask you out if she was feeling like maybe you weren't/were too shy. So, yes, I will say that I agree that maybe she's starting to lose interest because she thinks you aren't going to make a move to ask her out.... but at the same time, is she not guilty of the same thing by flip flopping around with you?

Anyway, honestly it doesn't matter either way, Frankly, my personal advice for your next step is the same regardless. Ask her out. That's really the only way you are ever going to know. If she's interested but has started to think you are not, then she'd likely be happy you finally asked her, and hopefully that would go well. If she's not interested, then at least you will know.

If it turns out she is not interested, then I think you should just remove her from your life. There is no need to be rude. It would be a shame, but she's not wrong if she's not interested. Not everybody is a perfect match. However, there is no need to keep her around in that case. If she still tries to play her games, then you should have nothing to do with it.

Take it from a guy who has lived most of his life being so ridiculously shy that he always has to live with wondering "what if?" It SUCKS! It is so much better to just go for it. Maybe you will get rejected. If you do, that will certainly suck. But, at least then you will know and can move on. Eventually you will find that right gal who will say yes, and it will make all the rejection worthwhile.

Good luck!