What do i do about lying boyfriend? Overreacting?

[NiamhManners]

Hi everyone,
I really need some opinions on this please?
I have been with my partner 3 years now, At the beginning i discovered he was still in a relationship with a girl and broke it off 3 days after we started going out. I forgave him for this as he was technically still with her but they hadnt physically been together, i was just mad because he had basically cheated on that girl and i didnt know he was with anyone else!
Anyway, 5 months I gave birth to our son Teifi, he is our first baby, and we love him to pieces.

We both quit smoking 2 years ago and since then, iv discovered on 3 separate occasions he has lied to my face and said he has not smoked but then iv found tobacco receipts and evidence he still smokes. Then when i show him the evidence he admits to it and says, "im just ashamed to tell you" the problem is, I told him the first time, Just tell me in future there is no need to lie if you lie to me again thats it! I will have to think about our relationship and if its worth all your lies! and hes promised he would every time, but he always lies to me!

I discovered today after months and months of giving him the benefit of the doubt that hes been smoking again
well needless to say, im so distraught! Iv been lied too again to my face and he didnt even say sorry, just excuses. I asked him what else hes been lying about and he said "I promise im not doing anything else" now i dont know how to show him im not having it anymore... I cant go away for a few days to cool down because i live with him and our son, and i dont have any family near by.

Any advice at all please?
Thank you

[megvoh]

He can't get some kind of treatment for his smoking addiction and maybe you could go see a therapist on your own to help with your hurt and distrust issues with him. he might not change but you can find ways to help you so you don't get all stressed over his behaviors and if the smoking is a deal breaker for you, then give a final ultimatum and if he breaks it stick to it.

[starbar]

I think the issue is you have never trusted him from day one and you still don't trust him now. The issue isn't really him smoking or him lying about that. You are terrified he will do the same thing to you that he has done to her and you lash out over everything out of fear and insecurity.

If you can't get past what happened then leave him. 3 years of being anxious, scared, insecure and afraid is just not worth it. You deserve to be happy and if you cannot find happieness and trust with him, you should go find it with someone else. life is too short

[Nicolelong]

I'm 100% with starbar. The real issue is totally that you are still haunted by what happened at the beginning of the relationship, so you're always on hyper-alert that he is hiding things or being shady. He probably senses this and doesn't want conflict with you. I wouldn't doubt if he feels like you will look down on him for smoking and feels guilty about it.

This problem is going to continue to manifest itself in different ways in your relationship if you don't deal with it properly. As you have a child with him (congrats BTW) I think you should consider talking with someone to see if you can build trust with each other and move forward without always having this baggage dragging behind you

[dollhouse]

I agree with what , megvoh said to you, NiamhManners. Just do what's best for yourself right now.