I feel like/am a dumbass

[gHEXjt]

Yep, I’m a ****ing idiot, and in need of a rant. Well over a month ago now I met an amazing girl. She had a boyfriend, but took a major interest in me and they broke up soon after I met her, coincidentally. I shouldn’t have gone in so soon but I’m moving very shortly to about an hour away so I felt like I needed to go for it or I’d never be able to…We started going out about 4 weeks ago. It was going extremely well, and I know she was on the rebound and it was stupid, but I just couldn’t and still can’t resist this girl.

Obviously 4 weeks is not very long, but I’ve started to grow more attached to this girl than I have with anyone in over 3 years. I let it down for this girl more than girls I’ve dated for significant periods of time over the past few years. It has honestly blown my mind, but she has completely got me. Unfortunately I went on vacation last week, and we obviously have not made anything official or anything like that, but we were spending every minute together and neither sleeping with anyone else.

So when I’m leaving for vacation she says to me “you better wait,” regarding sleeping with someone else while I’m gone. I was going somewhere where it would have been pretty easy to score and I did subsequently turn down at least one sure thing while gone. I agreed, of course, because I saw potential and felt very good about her. So let’s just say that when I got back home I wanted to see her and she appeared to feel the same. Everything seemed cool, we’re lying in bed, nothing unusual, things were just like before I left. Then she starts in on me about if I’d slept with anyone while I was gone. I say none, and she then tells me that she had. Her ex-boyfriend found out about me and got extremely jealous, and she let him **** her. WTF. She tells me that I “better wait,” and then she goes out and gets ****ed. However, I still then, after I was able to mentally gain my composure long enough to get it up, banged her for a significant period of time because I had waited, and even though that’s made me feel more like shit, it was still worth it. But this mother****er ex-boyfriend is now sending her messages all the time that he “loves her,” calling her, and she was dealing with it right in front of me…

She knows that I’m falling over the edge, and she’s playing games with me. We went out last night and the shit just keeps coming from this dude and she’s so blatant as to just ride in the car and talk to him with me there now. A mutual friend who is a very close friend of mine told me yesterday that she’s trying to get a rise out of me, to get the two of us to more or less go at it over her (who wants it most). Well, being yesterday was a holiday, I got real drunk during the day at a party a few hours before I hung out with her. So, she got the rise out of me…I was moderately inebriated at dinner with her from earlier and in the most beat around the bush way, made a little pissed off bitter speech about how I wouldn’t drag someone that liked me so much through my shit. She then cried at the table about how she’s in a shitstorm right now and she certainly is. I felt bad for her as I do for myself too. On the hour ride home last night, we didn’t say anything, which especially for me is rare because I never shut up, so it was quite clear that I was not stoked with this anymore whatsoever.

I’m not a moron, but I’m sure acting like one. I used to get stuck in shit like this all the time, so I just stopped letting myself get emotionally invested in a relationship. I try again (obviously with someone I shouldn’t have in the first place) and I fall in the same shit. I feel like I just shouldn’t call her ever again. We do have mutual friends…one of which is her best friend who’s having a birthday party tonight that my best friend and I were invited to, but I don’t even feel like I should go to that? I’ll get drunk, sleep with her, and then get smacked down again. My friends act like I should just keep throwing it at her, but I don’t think they understand the fact that I’ve fallen for this girl as opposed to just the usual "stuff occasionally" relationship. I just need a bunch of people to yell at me and tell me to get the **** away from this broad.

[starbuck]

Ugh. Walk away from this mess. No, don't walk, run. No matter how you feel about this woman, you certainly don't deserve to get dragged into her drama with her ex. She has obviously not moved on and until she becomes emotionally available, which could take a while, you're going to be stuck on the sidelines.

Mutual friends or no, there's no reason you need to even see this woman right now. She's making you crazy and pissed off. Unplug from this situation. She's probably using you to try and get over her ex. You don't deserve it. There are plenty of women out there to date. You don't need to continue along with the one who is immersed in so much obvious back-and-forth with her ex.

[VLee]

dont be with a person who makes you unhappy... no excuses. you want happy positive people in your life

[damn2008]

Dump the broad, get rid of her before it goes even further.

Such a mess like this to practically begin with will lead to bigger messes in the future. Don't waste your time, energy and feelings on it anymore. It might hurt a little but it's better for that little bit than it could for much longer.

[shh!]

I don't think I understand... what did you do wrong? You got drunk and told her you didn't appreciate all the ex drama? The only mistake I can see is that you were drunk when you said it... it was RIGHT of you to draw boundaries, and now the ball is in her court. She needs to make a choice - you or the ex.

Did I misunderstand you?

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Honestly, you should've seen a failed future from time she left her boyfriend for you...IMO, when you meet people that end up doing things like that, it never really ends up in a happy ending. It always ends up with some kind of bizarre drama filled story, well at least from the ones I've seen on here and in real life. Just let her go. She isnt worth the time and the stress cuz while you are here ranting on a love forum over her, she's probably screwing her ex right now. NEXT!!

[Dasein]

I just need a bunch of people to yell at me and tell me to get the **** away from this broad.

Dasein is shouting...

GET THE F*CK AWAY FROM THIS BROAD!!!!!

[gHEXjt]

I don't think I understand... what did you do wrong? You got drunk and told her you didn't appreciate all the ex drama? The only mistake I can see is that you were drunk when you said it... it was RIGHT of you to draw boundaries, and now the ball is in her court. She needs to make a choice - you or the ex.

Did I misunderstand you?

I feel like what I did wrong was that I involved myself with her in the first place...I felt like I'd just be a rebound, but went after it anyway. Now things are definitely starting to look like I was right. Also, the other night when I gave her my take on things, I wasn't too drunk, just drunk enough to say something and she didn't know that I was anyway, so that's of no concern.

But last night I went to this supposed birthday party, and it was ridiculous. She wouldn't have anything to do with me (or as she said, I wouldn’t have anything to do with her, so we were both not making any move), spent the whole night texting and running away to talk on the phone or text some more. The most ****ed up part, though, was that she was pissed off at me. I had talked to her on the phone multiple times during the day and it was fine.

She finally said something to me right before I went home, that I "live to make people feel like shit about themselves." My best friend was sitting on the other side of her, and I'm pretty sure that his jaw dropped even more than mine did. This just straight up ****in' pissed me off. She just doesn't get it...why would I make a consistent effort to spend time with her when she is constantly on the phone or texting with her ex now. When one minute she tears my clothes off and an hour later I can’t even get her to kiss me. This is so ridiculous. I’m going to call her this afternoon and set the record completely straight.

[shh!]

I don't know how you guys put up with females sometimes.... so many of us are completely whacked. Anyway, I don't think it was "wrong" of you to go after a girl who may use you as a rebound... just not particularly self-protective.

Anyway, I hope she does something soon to redeem her crazy self, or I am going to vote for getting rid of her.

[Cain]

so many of us are completely whacked.

Preach on, sister.

I was just thinking about this today at breakfast. A woman can look perfectly normal, but then just fall apart out of nowhere.

[gHEXjt]

I think it reached the point last night where it's time to get rid of her. It truly was awful. I really only want to call her now to clear the air...until yesterday I was obviously extremely fond of her, but I can't deal with all this ex-bf stuff. Literally, in a matter of 2 days it went from no mentions of this stuff to being in bed one morning, her getting one text from the guy that says, "I love you. You're beautiful." Which she ****ing showed to me, which tipped me off right then. After that, it was non-stop for two days, her being distant, clutching that cell phone for dear life either for a call or a text. The games people play...I don't know if she wants me or not, but I will be asking that question straight up, because obviously I shouldn't be investing myself in this if there's no chance. I mean, I don't necessarily expect her to say she wants to be with me, but she could give me some indication that she is interested in me but conflicted at the same time...

[Cain]

I think it reached the point last night where it's time to get rid of her. It truly was awful. I really only want to call her now to clear the air...until yesterday I was obviously extremely fond of her, but I can't deal with all this ex-bf stuff. Literally, in a matter of 2 days it went from no mentions of this stuff to being in bed one morning, her getting one text from the guy that says, "I love you. You're beautiful." Which she ****ing showed to me, which tipped me off right then. After that, it was non-stop for two days, her being distant, clutching that cell phone for dear life either for a call or a text. The games people play...I don't know if she wants me or not, but I will be asking that question straight up, because obviously I shouldn't be investing myself in this if there's no chance. I mean, I don't necessarily expect her to say she wants to be with me, but she could give me some indication that she is interested in me but conflicted at the same time...

This is why it's not smart to get into a rebound relationship. She wasn't over him, and regardless of how good of a guy you are, she'll be ready to run right back to him if she thinks things will be better.

[shh!]

I wouldn't even give her the benefit of choice. (Why should you?) Just get rid of her, and tell her you think she is one crazy bitch.

[gHEXjt]

Well, here goes. I have completely wussed out. I called her, looking for an explanation or whatever of what was going on, why she was ignoring me, and ultimately why she made such a terrible comment to me. Honestly, I am pretty thick skinned, but what she said last night really did hurt my feelings. I lightly interrogated her about that, and she apologized. I almost get the impression that she doesn't want herself to like me so she treats me crappy half the time and tries to act like I'm an asshole.

Either way, we discussed why each person was acting like a jerk, apologized, etc. I asked her what all this meant...did she still want to see me, does she still like me?? The answer I got was one I was not hoping for, and directly allows me to apply the title of this thread to myself.

She told me that she does really like me, but that she doesn't want to lead me on because there is someone else that she really wants to be with...that said, she still wants to see me because in the mean time she'll just sit around lonely, by herself, if she doesn't. And this was where being a horny guy in his mid-20s overtook my ability to logically think. And at this point, which I'm now questioning, I decided that I'd rather keep seeing her for a few weeks, and then I'll feel like shit about myself when I move away. Although, that said, if I don't get to stuff, then I won't be continuing it. I definitely feel like/am a dumbass.

[Cain]

And the guy she is interested in is most certainly her ex.

Avoid these women in the future.

I also don't think you should continue to see her for the next few weeks. You might get off, but she's basically using you and you're letting her do it.