What would you be thinking?

[nebulachic]

I met this guy online recently. I'm on a dating site that if you post in their forums your posts are forever embedded with your profile. We were really hitting it off until he seemed kind of distant all of a sudden... so I sent him the following the other day. If you were in his shoes, what would you be thinking of the things I said in the posts he's referring to (below)?

Hi P,
I must have said something that turned you way off. No biggee if you don't want to pursue anything.. but can you throw a sistah a bone?

He wrote back:
Sistah! No, was I supposed to do something? Last we spoke, you weren't feeling well. I then drove to [city] and back on the same day and am trying to to simultaneously recover and move forward work-wise. All in one week : )
I DID read your forum posts. Interesting.

I wrote:
“Interesting”. Ah I see. Dare I ask?

He wrote:
Nothing too controversial, although I see you are still dealing with situation/emotions with an ex.
I am going to (state) this weekend....checking out some land....
Hopefully we will talk more when I return.

p

These are the posts he read:
************************************************** *
What would you do if someone heated on you... told you it was a mistake and wanted to reconcile... had more contact with the other person after saying they wouldn't... and broke things off with you. Then after breaking up you find out they have really downplayed the situation to others... including saying it was just a "little month-long flirtation" (when the cheating actually lasted 4 months and included discussing establishing a life together)... and made it look like you were an unforgiving **** and your concerns were completely unfounded and you were just a jealous monster?

I am pissed off. I feel like he caused an airplane crash... and yet is walking away looking like a hero!

The friends are not mutual. I am not so much concerned what they think of me... I moreso want to expose him for what he is and show him he can't go around lying about me and the situation and get away with it.

"(unless you like worrying all the time about who he is with or what he is doing when he's away from you)" I don't try to think about it... it just seems to permeate me. I wake up in the middle of the night startled still. If I really knew he would "pay" someday for what he's done.. I could probably let it go. But it seems he's just gone on his merry lying way.

What would you do if you knew your ex was telling mutual friends (moreso his but people you will prob see again and would like to be friends with still) the reason you broke up was they had a little flirtation you couldn't get over... when really they may have slept with the other person and definetly talked for months in email about having a life with them?

[someone had responded there was really nothing I could do about it]
Well actually there are things I can do about and already have. I spoke to 2 of the friends and told them how things really went. Now I want to send an email out to the remaining friends and cc: him on it so he can retort if he wants to. This is the beginning of the email I have drafted (I'll refer to him as Dave and the other woman as Tina):

I know Dave has discussed our situation and what occurred last year with an ex-girlfriend (Tina). I also know he has been making some very gross innaccuracies and demeaning my character in the process (ie, downplaying the level and length of their involvement.. saying that he terminated contact completely once I became aware of the situation... and that I never had any reason to feel threatened) . Also, I have communicated with Tina numerous times who was also very hurt by the situation. She has also conveyed that Dave has portrayed things inaccurately. I have cc: Dave on this as well.

[misombra]

how many times are you gonna ask us about this?

[nebulachic]

I'm looking for a male point of view and never got one yet.

[misombra]

You sound desperate. Desperation scares guys away. He isn't interested. If he was he'd be contacting you. Believe me. Just walk way slowly before you become a creepy stalker chick.

You're a sad person.

But I can't feel bad for you because you continue being dumb.

Yes.

And if you keep pushing it he's going to have no choice but to lash out and say something nasty. Just relax. Don't contact him again. If we're wrong about it HE'LL contact you and everything will be great.

How did he know about your forum posts? Was this something you told him or he found out on his own? This is a way of invading your privacy you know, not a nice thing for him to do or mention. I personally don't think you owe him anything as far as explanations go.

i think you got your male opinion.