What is he thinking

[Eugenegirl]

Hi Everyone... I really need advice. I have been dating a guy for about 4 months now and when we first started dating it was really strong.. we did everything together! We were both fresh out of relationships (me especially)and I think that this scared him... plus his ex really broke his trust by stealing. He used to tell me that I scare him... by how close we got and then all of a sudden we discussed slowing down...I was ok with it then but now I do not want to. He will make me dinner, hold my hand, and be so kind one night... then not even call me for a few days.... I really really like him and I did tell him that I would be patient but I do not know what to do or even what to say to him. What should I do?????

[Gribble]

First, don't expect him to call you every single day. Jesus. Be glad he calls you every few days. That's a helluva lot more than I would. Second, slow your ass down. Otherwise you're going to freak him out and he's going to ditch you. There are few things as unappealing as a clingy chick. Give him his space so he doesn't suffocate.

[Eugenegirl]

I get what your saying and I do not expect a call every single day... It is just weird that when we first got together... he called me all the time and everything and as soon as he opened up to me all of a sudden he wants to slow down and sometimes he acts really close and other times really distant....

[1averagejoe]

First, don't expect him to call you every single day. Jesus. Be glad he calls you every few days. That's a helluva lot more than I would. Second, slow your ass down. Otherwise you're going to freak him out and he's going to ditch you. There are few things as unappealing as a clingy chick. Give him his space so he doesn't suffocate.

Agreed! My ex was super clingy. But it was my first relationship and I didn't know any better. She would get upset if I didn't call her everyday. Also would get pissed off if I didn't always answer.

Sad part was she turned me into that for a little while till things went sour. But ya...just give the guy a break. Most guys don't like talking on the phone 24/7 like most of you gals. Just give him his space, he wants to take things slow and not rushed.

[Eugenegirl]

I dont get pissed... I just dont understand... I really just want to know where we stand and if I am just wasting my time. Last week we hung out on Monday and Tuesday and I didnt hear from him til Saturday... we went out for awhile then I came home... and then again nothing til Friday?? I did send him a text earlier asking if he wanted me to get take out and a movie tomorrow after work and I have yet to hear from him. I have no problems on giving someone space in fact I think that it is important.

I guess I should just not call or text him anymore and see what happens.... the thing is I really like him and I just hate the way things are going.

[1averagejoe]

Do you know what his schedules are like? Maybe he's just a really busy guy and needs some time by himself to just relax after a long day.

[Eugenegirl]

Yes, he has no schedule. He is going to school... but we have alot of the same friends and I know that he was hanging out there and what not.

[MadKat]

I get what your saying and I do not expect a call every single day... It is just weird that when we first got together... he called me all the time and everything and as soon as he opened up to me all of a sudden he wants to slow down and sometimes he acts really close and other times really distant....

You should be thankful that he inform you that he wants to take things slower...at least you are prepared, and knows whats going on.

Relationship starts to kick off with high energy, after a few months, they get tired and starts to think back. Then he will start doing back those thing he normally do...which means, he became himselft back.

Then you consider it, if you think you can accept it, then get along with it. If not, then find the 1 thats right for you. Be yourself!

[Gigabitch]

Yes, guys can drive you crazy. What's really unfair about it is that if you actually start acting crazy, he'll break up with you, and cite your craziness as the reason.

So get a grip. He's just trying to get his balance. You got too involved at first, now he's trying to check himself. I imagine it's not that he doesn't want to call, he's forcing himself not to.

You both went into this on the rebound. It was a whirlwind. That's fun, but nobody actually wants to live like that, not even you. You might be thinking along the same lines by now if he hadn't done it first. Unfortunately, now you're all torqued up about what this new distance means. Remember- it's a separate issue. Any panic about rejection you may be having is blinding you to the fact that this is, in fact, a good thing.

What kind of relationship do you want? Be honest. If what you want is to be swept off your feet and to drown in an ocean of passion and entanglement, you should probably break it off with this guy. He sounds totally practical.

If you want to be with someone who thinks things through, though, I think he's worth holding on to, and by that I mean don't squeeze him so tight he can't breathe.

Don't expect to see him too often until he calms down about his own little panic attack.

[Eugenegirl]

Saying that I was just looking at the rejection end of it is totally the truth! I will jus back off and see what happens... The other thing to this is we have alot of mutual "couple" friends... I really dont want to push things and make things uncomfortable for everyone! I also have other girl friends saying that it is totally weird for a guy to not want to talk to his girlfriend every day and that I should just move on.

[Gigabitch]

Nah, the every day thing is not normal for a lot of guys, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Guys are compartmentalized and linear. They're not like us at all.

He may very well get to the point where you become a daily thing for him and he feels weird when he doesn't at least talk to you every day, but he's not there yet. In my experience, that can take months. Don't wig out- everything's probably just fine. It's too soon to cut and run.