Dating site problems

[gijayne40]

Dear all,

I would love to get some honest opinions or advice on a problem i'm having at the moment regarding dating sites.

I've been single for 8 months now and have been on two main dating sites - I am told by strangers, family and friends that I am a very atrractive woman with a slim figure but I don't seem to be having much luck on dating sites and now my self esteem has being knocked...I'm beginning to feel very low, the lowest I've felt in a long time.
I am 40 and have a 5 year old boy who is my world- my son stays with his father most weekends (I have stated this fact in my profiles on the dating sites) as I want guys to know that I am able to date and socialise at the weekends.
I have been on aprox 9 dates in the 8 months which is pretty good going - I would rather quality over quantity. Some of the dates have been ok some not so good -I found that most of my dates only wanted sex from me.

Anyway to cut to the chase, I'm still on the dating sites but seem to be getting hardly any attention, I would nearly go as far as to say 'ignored' even - and whenever men do contact me, they say to me 'why am I on a site or why am I single'?? Although flattering for them to say so, I find it's very frustrating.

I'm a nice caring woman and also have a sense of humour so what am i doing wrong? Could it be my age or the fact I have a child?? or maybe its because I'm frequently using these sites (i'm on them everyday only for an hour) - maybe guys are getting sick of seeing me - it also always seems to be the same guys on these dating sites too. Or maybe I should start making the 1st move and start sending msgs to the guys I like. I must admit I have not been doing this for the fact that I am old fashioned and I always think a guy should make the first move .

I would apreciate any advice on this matter.

Thanks

[pisces25]

You should definately send some guys some messages. As old-fashioned as you are in your dating etiquette online dating is a very modern form of meeting people and therefore IMO old-fashioned principles do not necessarily apply. If someone catchs your eye just send them a message. What harm can it do? I am female and contacted a guy on a dating site and 9 months later we are still together and very happy. He probably would have skipped right past my profile had he seen it.

[gijayne40]

Thanks Pisces25 - I will bite the bullet and start sending messages to guys. Who knows? I could end up like you, meeting 'Mr right' - mind you, I have to really pluck up the courage to do this - I just wish I wasn't so set in my ways.

I'm just so scared of getting rejected as my confidence is quite low at the moment.

[pisces25]

These men don't know you though so even if they do reject your initial contact just shake it off and move to the next one. They don't mean anything to you. You may not be everyone's cup of tea but guaranteed you will get replies..

And if you don't try not to take it personally. It is their loss.

[oldskool83]

guy like to get messages also. it sounds like your just going fishing and the fish are tire of taking bites. ive found alot of time if i was on a dating site women how messaged me i got along with better and it led to somthing, ones i messaged just didnt go anyware for the most part. problems with dating sites are 90% of men will just message any girl they are attracted to by her profile picture, 90% of women will message a man after readying all this info and then realizing they are attracted to her profile picture.

past 2 g/f ive meet off the internet and im starting to like that alot better again.my current g/f friend requested me and i messaged her on facebook. we went to HS together and saw each other at a wedding 2 years and and talks some...so we had seen and know of one another if you wanna say that.

40 with a 7 year old kid...i dont think that should bother alot of men...its gonna automaticly weed out the ones who just wanna hump you and go. thats all i got coming from a 27 year old male.

[gijayne40]

Oldskool83 - I never really thought about that before - yes, I'm sure men would like to receive messages for once as I'm presuming that most men do all the chasing normally. I also think that they would find it quite flattering that a woman is being bold and making the 1st move. I've been told from many male friends in the past that men find 'bold' women more interesting.

Pisces25 - Yes, I agree with you, these men don't know me and I should never take it personally if they are not attracted to me. Like I always say, there is always someone for everyone in this world.

[Boisdevie]

The fact that you have a child should not make much difference since most men your age also have kids. Yes, I'd send out messages to men that interest you - life is too short to mess around. My advice would also be to chat with people for a while before going out on a date - it's a good way of getting to know more about the person. But don't give up. I met my partner through a dating website - and if it worked for me it can also work for you.
Good luck.

[gijayne40]

Boisdevie - Thanks, I agree with you about speaking to the person before actually going on a date as you can usually get a feel of someone from a few conversations. In the past, I admit I have briefly spoken to my dates without really knowing much about them or their intentions so from now on I will try to get to know them better first. And I will pluck up the courage and send more messages. It will be hard at first but I will have to try otherwise I could be waiting forever for 'Mr Right' to contact me.

[devonbrown]

My advice, other than the good advice about sending messages yourself to people, would be to stop worrying about it. Stop thinking about it. Stop making "getting into a relationship" such an important part of your life. That sometimes can reek of desperation even if it isn't.

Also, make sure you are on the "right" sites. Some cater specifically to people who are a little more mature and want a relationship. Others are not much better than the local bar on a Saturday night.

But, the biggest thing, is to be happy with yourself and your life currently. Don't think that you need someone else in your life to be happy. Other people can enhance your happiness, but they can't create it.

Good luck.

[gijayne40]

devonbrown - thanks, I think your absolutely right about focusing on 'getting into a relationship' part. However, I've only been single now for 8 months so I'm not even sure I want to get into a relationship. One of my recent dates was actually keen to start a relationship with me but I backed off so really that shows I'm not ready for a serious committment.

I'm just looking for someone I can hang out with if that makes any sense - you know, without the committment. But I do miss having male company, I feel quite lonely as I do not have any friends due to moving to an area where the people are segregated and very unfriendly(this is another long story). On the other side of the coin, I do have a very close family which I am very thankful for as many people do not have that.

I guess I'm just lonely and looking for some male company. Maybe a good male friend even? Unfortunately, I do not get on with females (another long story).

[devonbrown]

That is cool, and I would like to think that a lot of guys would like that as well. Unfortunately, a lot of guys sometimes try to use dating sites as a means to get laid. I would go ahead and send messages to people you find interesting and let them know up front what you want and what potential there may be. I think you might be surprised at the reaction you get if you take the lead.

Good luck.

[gijayne40]

Thanks again for your advice I will definately take what you said on board and just go for it - I've nothing to lose.