Helping her

[Pietomb]

Hi,
I broke up with my gf about a month ago, we hadn't been together for long, but it was great all the time. Then i cheated on her with someone she hates. But somehow she now doesn't hate me aswell, she still tells me that she loves me, and i really do care for her (although it might not seem like it as i was the one who cheated i know), so i was wondering if anyone had any ideas of how to help her feel better?

This might seem like a stupid question, but i hate how much i've hurt her and don't know what to do. We're still good friends and actually have spent alot time together since we broke up, and that is all as fun and smiles as it was before. We've both tried to avoid the other to help her, but neither managed it. I treat her like my gf still, and she treats me the same, we're just very careful not to kiss. Any suggestions on this? Should i probably not treat her like this?

Thanks

[carl1222]

First of all, if you had already broken up before you had sex with this other girl, then you did NOT cheat on her.

She's obviously hung up on you romantically, so you need to decide what you want to do. If you don't want to be her boyfriend, then trying to keep her as just a friend is cruel and will cause her enormous long-term pain (even if she tells you she's OK with it).

Carl.

[Aeradalia]

I sense a problem with order of operations here... did you cheat on her before a month ago when you were together... or did you sleep with someone she hates after you broke up with her and she just didn't like that?

In regards to your actions towards her.. it's as Carl said... you have to decide if you want to be with her or not (and no... as a friend is not an option at this time).

If you want to be with her then take things slow, while still letting it be known that you do want to get back together.

If you do not want to be with her then you need to see less and less of her.. eventually cutting most if not all ties with her. Do this for a few months (possibly longer depending on how long it takes for her to heal)... then it may be possible to resume a friendship (if she wants to by then).

You can't have both --- her having feelings for you and being a friend as well. That is cruel, counterproductive.... and will put her through unnecessary pain for purely selfish reasons on your part.