Can I turn around my "wuss" image with her?

[steven001]

I had this girl I was talking to for awhile who was really into me until I kinda fell head over heels for her and started getting clingy. I eventually told her how I feel. She had just gotten over a breakup and said not right now. We kinda grew apart a little and things started heating up again recently and I eventually told her how I feel again. I just wanted to know what she was thinking.

She said she really likes me as a person, but not sure about more than a friend and that's she's still getting over her boyfriend. She says she thinks I'm really cute and that I have my moments and that it could develop into something in the future and she'd like to keep hanging out from time to time to see different sides of me. She said she wasted three and a half years on her boyfriend and can't afford to spend any more time on a guy right now because she needs to "grow as a person." Although she did say that she usually doesn't allow guys into her life the way she has me and that i've been a bit of an exception.

I'm pretty sure the only reason she's not really into me right now is because she knows she has me by the balls. When we first started talking I didn't pay that much attention to her and it seemed to make her really want me. Quite frankly I didn't pursue it that much in the beginning because I thought she was too hot for me. Somehow it fooled her though. I'm pretty good looking, I'd say like between 7-8, but she's hot enough to get pretty much any guy she wants. And has a bubbly personality...with a genuine good personality to back it up too. She doesn't act like most girls that are as hot as her.

Girls with bubbly personalities like that make it hard to keep your cool. When she focuses that energy she has on me I'm pretty much helpless. I know she is still interested in hanging out and seeing where things go and I'm pretty sure I can get to be more into me again if I can just back off and keep my cool and not let my emotions run wild. I've had situations before with girls where they were too into me that it turned me off, but if they'd just played harder to get i'd have definitely been more interested.

Once I kinda got over her and we'd had time apart she eventually contacted me a few times and wanted to hang out. She seemed really interested too the first time we hung out again because I wasn't expecting anything. Once I saw that I had a chance again I started feeling like I wanted it really bad and blew it again...

I think that's two strikes and maybe I got one more. I just need to know how to be less clingy in general around girls that I really like. It's tough for a guy, especially with a bubbly, attractive girl. How can I approach this situation? I know if I go a few weeks without calling her she'll probably call me and I'll keep my cool for like one hangout and then blow it. I need to change my wussy mentality and fast! Help...somebody...i'm a big pussy when it comes to girls!

[IndiReloaded]

Get another girlfriend. Even one you don't like as much. Two effects:

1. You realize that most girls (and guys) are a dime a dozen. You'll learn to keep you cool better, esp at early stages in a relationship.

2. She will see you are attractive to other girls, which might make her see you as more attractive.

[Chupacabras]

Well, first mistake was asking the females how to man up.

I think you're hosed with this one. You're a "non-threatening boy" to her which is why she's let you so far into her life... and when she labels you such, there's no way you're putting a penis in her.

You can absolutely be a nice, attentive guy and still be a man. Learn to say no, don't be at a woman's beck and call and for gods sakes, don't lose your shit around a hot woman. This is much easier said at my age, of course, but with time you're perspective will improve and you'll hopefully learn to filter out all the noise those bubbly girls tend to generate.

[IndiReloaded]

Do you have any actual tips for him, Chupa, other than telling him he's doing something wrong? Duh.

[Chupacabras]

You mean besides saying no, not being at a woman's beck and call and learning to filter out the noise bubbly girls generate... you know, exactly what needs to change?

[IndiReloaded]

So you are saying that any girl who asks him something, he should say no? Any girl who talks to him, he should ignore?

That will get him far.

[Chupacabras]

Right... I was speaking in absolutes.

Any guy that's been in this situation knows exactly what I'm talking about; she says "I want to do this", "come hang out with me 'cus I'm bored", "do you think I'm pretty?" and guys like the OP get trapped because their out of control hormones won't let them say "no, I don't want to do that", "I have other plans" or "no, it's not all about you". Every once in a while you have to say no, even if you don't want to and you certainly never want to be hetero-gay friend.

[IndiReloaded]

LOL, okay I guess there's some male-speak here I will assume is getting lost in translation.

[Chupacabras]

Probably is

OP, if you need clarification, just ask.

[steven001]

I get what you're saying and think you're kinda right. Girls say they like nice respectable guys but I'm starting to doubt that. The girls that have ever wanted me the most are the ones I ignore and treat like shit quite frankly. I'm really not the nicest guy in the world, but show her my good side because I thought that's what she likes. I dunno. What can I do more specifically to make her want me and wonder if I'm still into her? This might take some time I'm sure but I think I can pull it off

[Chupacabras]

No, no... I'm not saying treat them like shit; there's being a milquetoast (the way you're acting with this girl), there's being a jerk, then there's being a man. Girls cry on the firsts shoulder about how awful her boyfriend is, the second is the guy she tries to reform and the third is the one she stays with.

Women like men with a firm hand, guys they can't push around. Very different from being a jerk. They have to be convinced that you'll protect them when the zombies come.

I can try to explain it all day but really, just go rent the John Wayne movie The Quiet Man.