Men with kids

[moonfairy_2002]

I am 25 year old woman with no kids and I've never been married. I've dated a man with kids before and did not like consistantly coming in last place. All the cancelled dates, not seeing him when I want to but rather when he feels like seeing me, YUCK!!! After that I decided that I didnt want to date a man with kids.

But now this guy has come along and he seems really nice. I've been trying not to be prejudice against him having a child but I dont get to see him as much as I would like. Everytime I pull away from him, he's right there being nice, doing everything I would want from a boyfriend. AAggghh! Maybe I'll tell him lets just be friends.

Oh yeah, other than the always being second thing, I also thought it would be nice to marry someone that didnt have kids, so that we could share that new experience together.

Anyway I just want to know your opinions. Do you think that I should see where this goes (because so far he is nice) or just head for the hills and spare myself the emotional agony? What would you do?

[lilly1185]

but rather when he feels like seeing me, YUCK!!! After that I decided that I didnt want to date a man with kids.

You're apparently too selfish to handle a relationship where you aren't held up on a mighty fine platform.

Constantly being around a s/o, especially in the beginning, is the demise for a lot of relationships.

It's not about when he "feels like seeing you" it's a matter of realising that children, no matter whoes they are always come first when a partner is involved in a relationship. Especially young ones.

I'd say, stay away. Not for your sake, for his. Make it clear you're not looking for a relationship from him, do NOT string him along and continue to seek men flying solo.

[IndiReloaded]

I think you need to know more about why he is divorced(?) with kids. That's a hell of a thing to do to your child. Unless there's a really good reason, that you can verify, it could be a sign of a selfish personality.

So, generally, speaking I would be wary of a man with kids, yes. Same goes for single moms. It might be okay, but warrants closer scrutiny.

[vashti]

Speaking as someone who married someone with kids, I think is a HORRIBLE idea for anyone without children to date someone WITH them unless they are pushing 40.

To all you single parents out there, I apologize.

[bluesummer]

I don't think it's selfish to not want to date people with children. I think it's hard enough to get a relationship going when it's just one-on-one, nevermind throwing a child in the mix. It's pretty much getting into a relationship with two or three or more people. I think single people are better suited to other single people. Not to say there isn't exceptions.

For me, it's just a case of not wanting to play mommy to offspring that isn't mine. I don't want to deal with ex-drama, which is always worse when they had a kid together because now YOU'RE part of the kids life and so the ex feels they have the right to scrutinize you.

I worked with a woman who married a guy who was divorced with five kids. After they got engaged, all I could hear her talking about was how the ex was a 'bitch' and that she wasn't going to get one penny more of child support after they were married (and they'd never even met). I mean, come on. What a poisonous environment for the kids.

[Lipp]

And just as a note, I reckon a guy prioritizing his kids over a woman he met recently is a plus, not a minus.

[vashti]

And just as a note, I reckon a guy prioritizing his kids over a woman he met recently is a plus, not a minus.

Women may THINK they want a man like this, but really, if it were HER kids, she wouldn't have it.

[lilly1185]

I don't think it's selfish to not want to date people with children. I think it's hard enough to get a relationship going when it's just one-on-one, nevermind throwing a child in the mix. It's pretty much getting into a relationship with two or three or more people. I think single people are better suited to other single people. Not to say there isn't exceptions.

For me, it's just a case of not wanting to play mommy to offspring that isn't mine. I don't want to deal with ex-drama, which is always worse when they had a kid together because now YOU'RE part of the kids life and so the ex feels they have the right to scrutinize you.

I worked with a woman who married a guy who was divorced with five kids. After they got engaged, all I could hear her talking about was how the ex was a 'bitch' and that she wasn't going to get one penny more of child support after they were married (and they'd never even met). I mean, come on. What a poisonous environment for the kids.

Oh I by no means meant it wasn't selfish to not date a man with kids. I am amazed at some of the crap current boyfriend has put up with just from listening to me deal with son's father (and we're 2 states away). I try to keep him out of it,

what I meant simply was: When you get yourself involved in a relationship with someone who HAS children, you're going to have to recognise you'll always run into second. Anyone who puts a new lover over their children is ridiculous. I HATE seeing that happen.
She recognises that men with children aren't for her. Good.
Please don't date men with children and make them feel like garbage for taking care of what they already brought to his earth.

I'd punch a guy who expected me to dump my son every second he wanted to see me. My baby comes first. Always.

Not to mention; if he is introducing you to the children after a short span of dating, I would worry. My son (even though he's 2) doesn't need to be introduced to EVERY guy I could consider going out with. I've said it once and I'll say it again; If they have to be in a situation where they're together, I keep the love-y dove-ys down. I wouldn't want my guy to think I'm trying to saddle him with responsibility, or my son to think I'm lobbing another potential father figure at him.
*THAT* is an environment full of poison.

[Perryville]

Jeezuz, you women are really vicious today. I am a very good man. I have health, wealth, am considered handsome, and am good in bed, plus I have a good sense of humor and I am intelligent and honest to a fault. Every woman I have dated or been in a relationship with has enjoyed the experience, except one, and she left me with kids, to pursue an artistic career, telling me she isn't "cut out", for motherhood, although she still wants us to f**k. So now I am automatically chopped liver. I have been reduced to having short-term sexual relationships and FWB'S, because once the women know I have youngsters, that's all they will accept.

[lilly1185]

I get nasty when kid's lives are concerned.

Parents have feelings too. And it isn't a good idea to yo-yo them around (just like a person with no kids) because you think you might like them.
If kids is a deal breaker for you, stop right there.

I'm sure Perry, some woman will enjoy you for you and pursue a relationship with you and your kids. You might just have to hop off the FB train.

I'm inclined to ask though. What are your bad points?

[Perryville]

Bad points? I'm not aware of any> JK. I sometimes come across as arrogant and abrupt, (only partially true), and because I own my own business, I have little or no tolerance for deceit or BS (completely true). I come from a Military family and have trouble showing emotion (which I'm working On). All of theses things make me seem to be judgemental, (which is completely untrue). It's really sad that people look at me and label me a single parent, and never try to get to know me. Every woman wants to f**k me, nobody wants to love me. I guess most single parents feel this way.

[lilly1185]

I can absolutely understand where you're coming from.

Do you have a strong support group? Friends or family? Those help a lot. And putting yourself out there. Which is hard considering time constraints. Baby sitters are okay every once in a while.

[Perryville]

I'm lucky that I have my own business, so I can be there for my kids, but my parents live away. I have a housekeeper/nanny whom my kids adore, but at night when they are asleep it gets pretty lonesome. My ex comes to see the kids about once or twice a month, and is always wanting to screw, but says she will not "give up her muse". Sucks to be me, I guess.

[lilly1185]

Not everyone can have everything.

Are you sure your ex doesn't have a personality disorder? I can't imagine abandoning my son to "follow my muse".

[Perryville]

Oh, I'm pretty sure that something is wrong with her, because she didn't act this way , in the beginning. She has always been into photo-journalism, but one of her profs, said that she had genuine talent, and she took it from there. I have never said one word against her having an art career, but only pointed out that we have kids and her being away for long periods of time wasn't good for them. She and her Prof (female) live together, so there might be other issues, although she swears that they are "mentor and student",and nothing more. IDK.