Need relationship advice, for right now ans for future =/

[seyz]

Hi. I am 20 year old male and until this year have never really been involved in a real relationship. I got involved with a girl and now for all purposes, we are a couple. We have been involved for 4 months now and I have two real relationship problems.

The first; problem right now is that she went to New York City for the break and I live in Florida. She will not be back until 2009 and I have a bunch of different feelings I don't know how to deal with. I miss her a lot and I am also worried about her. She is staying with her guy friend and his friends and of course I am worried for that. She says do not worry but naturally I do. I also hate it when she talks about her guy friends there and what they do together, so I guess I am a little jealous as well. She is busy over there and we cannot talk that much but I still miss her and really care and worry about her. How can I not get frustrated and let it bother me. I have never had this problem before and don't know how to feel.

The second; problem in the future is she is a foreign exchange student from Europe. She is studying here for only a year and will go back after the school year. When we are together it is great, we are really close and have a really good connection. What will happen after the year I don't know, but it is hard to think. I do not know what I should do or deal with these feelings either. I mean I really don't care too much about my future and have nothing set down and I like doing what is good at the moment. I really like to travel and I would not mind to visit her sometime in the summer or something like that. I really care about her and will miss her when she goes away. What should I do about this problem? If we just say goodbye and never see each other again it will be very hard. I do not know what I should or handle this problem.


Thanks for your time and sorry for the long post. I have never had a serious relationship like this, it has been just me hooking up with girls and I never cared as much as now.

Thank you

[Lite]

Well, yeah that can be awkward. First off, you're generally insecure about her relationship with male friends, and jealous of that relationship... And secondly you're worrying that she's out getting banged like a screen door in a hurricane by said friends.

The question is, how often is she contacting you, are you doing it more than her? How equitable is the exchange of initiating contact while she's out of town... Oh, and why didn't you go with her?

[seyz]

Well, yeah that can be awkward. First off, you're generally insecure about her relationship with male friends, and jealous of that relationship... And secondly you're worrying that she's out getting banged like a screen door in a hurricane by said friends.

The question is, how often is she contacting you, are you doing it more than her? How equitable is the exchange of initiating contact while she's out of town... Oh, and why didn't you go with her?

Well since she does not have a computer there we are not talking as much as we were. Occasionally she can get on a computer and we can talk if we are both on, but lately she hasn't been able to so she has been calling me 2-3 times and I have been texting her about that amount also. I will text her to say like hey whats up and she will text back, she will call later, the contact is pretty much like that.

I would have gone but I can't. I have to work in my hometown and I have no where to live there.

[seyz]

Anybody else have any other suggestions please?

[AirbenderAang]

Well she will be back soon. Don't worry about her and her guy friends. Most likely you got nothing to worry about. Also, being jealous for no reason can cause you tons of relationship problems.

My advice for you is to enjoy the relationship now. Don't even think about the future. There is no use worrying about the future when it is so far away. Plus, if things really work out well you can make plans for the future together. Do not make those plans now though. Plan for the summer when it gets closer. Once you are in the sumer, then make after summer plans. The key is to not get ahead of yourself. You got your whole life ahead of you. So try hard to keep your relationship in perspective.

[livingthelife]

I would have to agree with AirbenderAang. I understand about being head over heels in love but you are also still young so there is plenty of time for that love to blossom. The first step in allowing that to happen is trust.

She's a foreign exchange student so it makes sense that she's going to want to see as much of this country as she can. So if you have no reason to believe she has cheated on you yet then don't start imagining any now.

Just enjoy the time you have together and whenever you talk to her, make sure she knows how you feel without being overbearing and jealous. You do that and she'll probably end up telling the people she's hanging out with now what a great guy she has waiting for her back in Florida.

[sarah_rsl]

Hi. I am 20 year old male and until this year have never really been involved in a real relationship. I got involved with a girl and now for all purposes, we are a couple. We have been involved for 4 months now and I have two real relationship problems.

The first; problem right now is that she went to New York City for the break and I live in Florida. She will not be back until 2009 and I have a bunch of different feelings I don't know how to deal with. I miss her a lot and I am also worried about her. She is staying with her guy friend and his friends and of course I am worried for that. She says do not worry but naturally I do. I also hate it when she talks about her guy friends there and what they do together, so I guess I am a little jealous as well. She is busy over there and we cannot talk that much but I still miss her and really care and worry about her. How can I not get frustrated and let it bother me. I have never had this problem before and don't know how to feel.

The second; problem in the future is she is a foreign exchange student from Europe. She is studying here for only a year and will go back after the school year. When we are together it is great, we are really close and have a really good connection. What will happen after the year I don't know, but it is hard to think. I do not know what I should do or deal with these feelings either. I mean I really don't care too much about my future and have nothing set down and I like doing what is good at the moment. I really like to travel and I would not mind to visit her sometime in the summer or something like that. I really care about her and will miss her when she goes away. What should I do about this problem? If we just say goodbye and never see each other again it will be very hard. I do not know what I should or handle this problem.


Thanks for your time and sorry for the long post. I have never had a serious relationship like this, it has been just me hooking up with girls and I never cared as much as now.

Thank you

Distance relationships take a lot of committment and self discipline. All these emotions you're feeling are perfectly normal. Its only natural you're jealous when she tells you she's staying with a bunch of guys you wouldn't be normal if you weren't.

Tell her that, not an accussation that she's doing anything wrong but rather how you feel and when she tells you theres nothing to worry about accept it. You have to learn to trust her.

You need to stay in touch though email,letter, phone whatever and get into the habit of doing it regularly phone at set times and if she seems reluctant tell her thats what you need from the relationship. She's your SO its okay to have expectations of her.

How its going to work when she goes home, well break the problem down and start looking at the logistics. Flights are cheaper when booked in advance.

[Aeradalia]

Just take it one step at a time, and for the most part, 'live in the moment.'

As for your worries about her possibly cheating... well if she were cheating right this second, there's nothing you can do... and if she remains 100% faithful, there's no way you could know that either. You have to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she's faithful to you until proven otherwise. Trust is an important part of a relationship... practically a foundation in which the rest of the relationship is built from. So you have to trust her when there is no evidence of wrongdoing.

In a situation like this... patience is the key. You will have to keep the lines of communication open and visit her as often as can be arranged. If you feel you cannot do this... then I would suggest breaking it off with her.

Long distance relationships are very difficult because of the loneliness, uncertainty, and temptation. So the choice is yours... either stick it out with her or break it off in favor of looking for a relationship with someone closer. There is no right or wrong choice here.

[Spellbound]

Jealousy is a hard thing to overcome. It can be a relationship breaker. I know I have been on the flip side of it, and it just sucks when you are doing nothing wrong but the trust is not there. There is a couple of things I really want you to truly think about.

1) If it is true love, she will be faithful to you. Trust in that. You can't force a person to be faithful or to love you with all their heart. It just is or it isn't. If they do cheat on you, they are searching for something more than you can give them. This means it was not meant to be. If they don't then you are exactly what they are looking for. And search your heart: Do you want to be with someone you have to make love you or force to be faithful. I bet not. I bet you want them to be with you because they want to be. And if they don't want to be then you can do better. It does no good stressing about it. In fact if she sees you stressing about it, it will make her uneasy and start questioning why you don't trust her. As hard as it sounds, put your faith in her and trust her. Without trust the relationship will be doomed.

2) As much as everyone wants to be someones all, but no 2 people are exactly the same. The key to a good relationship is to be most of what the other person needs. But there also has to be room to let that person experience the things you can't give them with a friend - and some things are just with members of the opposite sex. So yeah, she may have a good time with her friends in NY, but that doesn't mean she loves you any less, or that she loves them more than a friend at all. They are just someone to have a little fun with. Not sure if this make any sense, but think of your own likes and dislikes vrs hers and you may see what I mean.

Hope this helps a bit

[vashti]

I think you should be careful about investing yourself emotionally in this. My crystal ball says she ultimately is going to go home, and this relationship will end up being not much more than a sweet memory. So my advice is, enjoy is while you can, but don't take it too seriously.