Sex once a month is acceptable?

[Punk18]

So here's the back story. I've been with my girlfriend for over a year and a half now and since the summer (2009), I'm lucky if we're having sex once a month and I'm getting fed up with it. For the first year we were having sex five times a week, easily. Sometimes doing it three or four times a day and then this summer it all just ended abruptly. It started going down to once a week, then every two weeks and now it's every month if I'm lucky.

For the past few weeks I've been trying to have sex and I've heard "Ooooh, you thought you were having sex tonight. DENIED!!!" Then she laughs like it's some big hysterical joke. I don't find it funny. Hell, sometimes before I go visit (I don't live with her), she'll tell me not to ask for sex because it's not happening. I'm tired of it.

So tonight, I decided to confront her about it. The first thing she said is why does it matter so much? I told her that sex isn't the most important thing in our relationship, but it is important to the point that it needs to happen more than once a month. She told me this verbatim: "once a month is good." I told her it's completely unacceptable and she told me to stop asking for it. I said to start having sex with me more than once a month and she said no. I told her if that's the case, I'm going to start looking for someone else.

Whew!


So two questions here:

(1) Should sex be happening more than once a month?

(2) Did I say the right things?

[IndiReloaded]

1) Yes.
2) Yes. Sounds like you are sexually incompatible.

But, if she has other, valid issues with you--are you a slob, emotionally retarded, inconsiderate--then that might be a reason she isn't interested in you. In which case, you will end up with the same problem with the next GF.

[Punk18]

Well, I am I grade A asshole, but that's typical for everyone from Massachusetts! I kid, I kid. Just a joke.

I remember her saying that she doesn't feel attractive anymore. I do everything I can to make her feel attractive and nothing goes anywhere. I've had romantic nights in with a home cooked meal and she's in bed by 11. Romantic nights out (like her birthday in October where I dropped $90 on a meal for the two of us and neither of us had booze), she was asleep by 11. If anything, she's lazy. The kind of person that would rather sit at a concert than stand, because "standing is too much work."

Even when I do get to have sex on that rare occasion, it's like she's going through the motions and that's really a turn off to me. My mind goes elsewhere and I end up putting a minimal effort into it.

I swear... if another girl asked me to have wild sex right now, I'm 98% sure that I wouldn't say no.

[IndiReloaded]

2) Yes. Sounds like you are sexually incompatible.

Find someone with more sex drive. Or stay, have 3 kids and get *really* comfortable w/your hand & porn.

She isn't asian, by chance? Just curious.

[Spring Haze]

Has she always been lazy? Maybe she's depressed. Or else she doesn't have the enthusiasm to match yours, which is another area of conflict.

[Punk18]

No, not Asian and I definitely don't want to breed right now. I need to finish up my bachelor's degree before I can even consider that.

And yes, she's always been lazy. Two thesis' away from having two bachelor's degrees and won't do them because they're too hard. I work a full time job as a chef, go to college full time, hit the gym everyday, juggling all my other hobbies such as music and writing and still find the time to see her four times per week. Yet, she works one full time job and is in bed by 11 on a Saturday evening.

[Spades_]

She isn't asian, by chance? Just curious.

lol, wat are u saying, that asian girls are lazy and have no sex drive?

[BoredGeorge]

Good she is bitch. Maybe she gets fat now. hahaha !

[SirWagginston]

If she's not going to **** you, then I say **** her.

You know what I mean.

[boobaa]

How much other intimacy you have, do you kiss/hug/cuddle? If not, then it might also be that she doesn't have feelings for you anymore, she just uses you for comfort because she doesn't have anyone else. Girls are creatures of comfort, which ****ing sucks. And that "Ooooh, you thought you were having sex tonight. DENIED!!!" is just cruel.

Dump her. Tell her to get her lazy ass moving, end of story, hopefully its a good lesson for her. Because obviously you aren't happy in relationship.

[sookie6]

Well I am a woman and I am feeling rather puzzled with all these testimonies on the forum about women who do not want to have sex with their partner (am talking couples in long term relationships)..

What is happening???

If it is a religious thing then both partners need to agree on this at the very start of the relationship. And it is fine? But if it is used as a control trick to test the guy...then it is bitchy and calculating...

In your case your gfriend is having a power trip...she seemed to have had some sex drive at the beginning of the relationship and now is withdrawing...why????

Does she want to be proposed? Has she talked to someone who is brain washing her??

Her response when you initiate sex are VERY off-putting. I would have ran away by now. It is like she wants to have the upper hand.

If she ever uses that word again 'DENIED' I would tell her to F.... right off!!!!

And I am a girl!!!!

[eva1]

Nothing wrong with sex once a month at all, i was lucky to even get that in my relationship i was in, sounds like you need to work on your relationship if there is one because it sounds like the sex will just complicate things!

[starbuck]

Nothing wrong with sex once a month at all, i was lucky to even get that in my relationship i was in, sounds like you need to work on your relationship if there is one because it sounds like the sex will just complicate things!

Yes, there is something wrong with once a month if he wants it more than that. If they were both fine with once a month, then there would be no problem. It's a sexual compatibility issue. It's not likely to resolve itself and will drive them apart eventually anyway.

It hurts to be constantly rejected by the person you care about, even if it's just for sex. Her tendency to be so insulting about it speaks volumes about her character. She seems to be a very selfish person, and the way she chides you about it is appalling.

Unless there is a history of sexual abuse, I don't understand how someone could have such a negative attitude towards her boyfriend wanting sex.

OP, have you asked her why she doesn't want to have sex more than once a month? What are her reasons?

[vashti]

Of course, I don't expect that anyone would confess it, but perhaps you just aren't doing it properly, and she lost interest? Are your skills up to par? And don't tell me "of course they are, she orgasms every single time" unless you have seen the restaurant scene in "When Harry Met Sally".

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nNhOH4Y0bI&feature=related"]YouTube- Broadcast Yourself.[/ame]

[AdminOnline]

Moved to 'intimate forum'...