final closure...

[just-me]

Today I had a very bad day. It started good though, I felt good and wanted to enjoy my day. First thing that happened is explained in my topic "every place brings back memories". It gets even worse.
So I was driving down the road, near my former home and as I stopped at the red light I saw a couple. She looked familiar. Of course because she was my ex girlfriend with her new boyfriend!
It's funny, I didn't feel jealous. I don't know what I felt but I started feeling something and thinking about her AGAIN! I was so distracted that not even an hour later I got into a car accident! It wasn't my fault but still I feel like I could have avoided it if I wasn't so distracted.
Then I started realizing that no matter what I do she keeps messing my brain and my life! I can't focus, think straight and there is still this hope that once, maybe in 10 or 20 years we could get back together. The only way to get rid of that would be final closure which she could never give me because it's all in my head. Whatever she said I'm trying to interpret in a different way. The only way I could do it is doing it myself.
I've been thinking about giving her a call, we need to meet and talk. Then I would sit with her and tell her everything. Tell her how much I love her, how hurt I was and even when I started feeling better she would just pop out of blue an mess me up again. We have to separate everything that's left, finish all unfinished business and after that I don't wanna see you or hear from you ever again! Not in this or any other life! If you see me somewhere I'll turn my head in a different direction. Don't ever try to talk to me. I won't be avoiding places where we used to go together anymore. If you feel uncomfortable, you can leave! If you're dead or still alive I just don't care! After we're done with unfinished business I will delete her phone number and facebook account. I want to do this because she would never expect me to do and I believe after this she will never want to talk to me either. I think this could put away all my hopes for reconciliation and set me free!

Please tell me what you think!

[Faithful`]

Today I had a very bad day. It started good though, I felt good and wanted to enjoy my day. First thing that happened is explained in my topic "every place brings back memories". It gets even worse.
So I was driving down the road, near my former home and as I stopped at the red light I saw a couple. She looked familiar. Of course because she was my ex girlfriend with her new boyfriend!
It's funny, I didn't feel jealous. I don't know what I felt but I started feeling something and thinking about her AGAIN! I was so distracted that not even an hour later I got into a car accident! It wasn't my fault but still I feel like I could have avoided it if I wasn't so distracted.
Then I started realizing that no matter what I do she keeps messing my brain and my life! I can't focus, think straight and there is still this hope that once, maybe in 10 or 20 years we could get back together. The only way to get rid of that would be final closure which she could never give me because it's all in my head. Whatever she said I'm trying to interpret in a different way. The only way I could do it is doing it myself.
I've been thinking about giving her a call, we need to meet and talk. Then I would sit with her and tell her everything. Tell her how much I love her, how hurt I was and even when I started feeling better she would just pop out of blue an mess me up again. We have to separate everything that's left, finish all unfinished business and after that I don't wanna see you or hear from you ever again! Not in this or any other life! If you see me somewhere I'll turn my head in a different direction. Don't ever try to talk to me. I won't be avoiding places where we used to go together anymore. If you feel uncomfortable, you can leave! If you're dead or still alive I just don't care! After we're done with unfinished business I will delete her phone number and facebook account. I want to do this because she would never expect me to do and I believe after this she will never want to talk to me either. I think this could put away all my hopes for reconciliation and set me free!

Please tell me what you think!

Yea seems like u had a rough day! I'd say that u have a lot of unfinished business with her and that it is consuming u. Do u think that you would be able to speak to her face to face though? I'm trying to put myself in your position and i know that if it was me, i would get side tracked by the other person's comebacks and i probably wouldn't get everything i wanted to say out there. I might even coil back and start feeling guilty! Personally, writing it all down in a letter or email works much better. Because it lets u get everything u want out there while giving u the chance to think clearly and word it carefully without having anyone interrupt u or discredit what ur saying. If u would prefer talking to her in person, maybe u should write what u want to say first so u go in knowing what u will say. That might be the other option.

Hope that was helpful :-)

[just-me]

Thanks for the reply.

Yes, i think I should be able to talk to her in person. She expressed hope that we could be friends and was surprised when I didn't return her calls. We still have joint phone account, her car is under my name, we even have joint bank accounts and we agreed she'd use one and I'd use another. Honestly, I don't think I could be her friend. I just love her too much for that. The only way to finish this would be to separate everything so we can both go different ways and never communicate again.
The problem is even though she said it's over I got mixed feelings from her. She is definitely in love now and at this stage she's not thinking clearly, just following her heart. I wanted to give her some more time and see if we could work something out, but it's simply holding me up and I'm not capable of moving on. I feel like I'm wasting my time and final closure sounds like a good idea. However I want to make that a point of no return and I'm wondering if the timing is right. I'm still very emotional and I'm not sure if she is capable of thinking seriously about such serious issue. The last thing I want is having final closure on my side and her realizing later that she actually wants me back! That could totally f***k me up in the future because my feelings for her are not going to disappear overnight. I need her to sort her feelings out and think about it seriously. How do I know she's ready? It's been a little over a month now and she's still in a honeymoon phase and I'm not sure how long it may take because she's in a long distance relationship so they don't have time to really screw up. She said to a friend that she loves him because he has a great body, loves clubbing and loves working out. Those are the only 3 things they have in common and the only 3 things we didn't have in common! Doesn't sound like a great recipe for a serious relationship. That was a love at first sight while we were friends first, enjoyed each others company and then eventually hooked up. We were always there for each other, through thick and thin, built our lives from a scratch, got in trouble with immigration authorities because of each other, enjoyed simple things such as driving 30 miles to the lake just to watch sunrise at the lake, long walks together, travel or just a joyride in the middle of the night without any reason or destination. The only thing I didn't like was clubbing (but I let her go without me whenever she wanted), working out (now I'm actually enjoying it) and I was not the hottest guy in the world (still women find me attractive and even hot). I should probably add that we trusted each other 100% and shared everything, which is really rare in today's society. Even married couples have separate bank accounts, we had a joint account and if one of us needed money it was always available.
I don't wanna give up on her if there is a hope, but I'm aware that at some point I'll have to say "enough is enough". How much time should I give her? I'd especially appreciate advice from women who left somebody and later realized it was a mistake.

I'd love to understand what the hell happened. on 1st of august she posted our photos on facebook, few days later we were seriously talking about buying a condo together, then she met this guy on august 6th (she even told me about it), few days later they started texting each other and on 20th of august she dumped me! she literally knew this guy for less than 2 weeks!