i don't understand

[jonnyboy917]

i used to talk to this girl last summer, one day we got drunk and started talking about her ex, she told me how he was so shitty and how he treated her, i told she should date someone who treated her better like me and we start talking. eventually she tells me she is still with her ex but we continue to see each other. I try to make a move on her but i get stopped when she tells me how she likes me but loves her ex. The incident creates a weird vibe in between us and we stop talking for months. Around April I hear that she dumped her boyfriend, she starts talking to me again, we start hanging out regularly. She tells me she is ready to move on and that her ex is already dating someone else. Three weeks pass, we never did anything but then she gets back with her ex. I stop talking to her but she still hits me up wondering if I'm mad at hear. I've talked to her many times about it but she gives me different reasons for not leaving her boyfriend each time. We're friends but I don't understand exactly what to do here. I still have feelings for her; do I just stop talking to her?

[Wakeup]

i used to talk to this girl last summer, one day we got drunk and started talking about her ex, she told me how he was so shitty and how he treated her, i told she should date someone who treated her better like me and we start talking. eventually she tells me she is still with her ex but we continue to see each other. I try to make a move on her but i get stopped when she tells me how she likes me but loves her ex. The incident creates a weird vibe in between us and we stop talking for months. Around April I hear that she dumped her boyfriend, she starts talking to me again, we start hanging out regularly. She tells me she is ready to move on and that her ex is already dating someone else. Three weeks pass, we never did anything but then she gets back with her ex. I stop talking to her but she still hits me up wondering if I'm mad at hear. I've talked to her many times about it but she gives me different reasons for not leaving her boyfriend each time. We're friends but I don't understand exactly what to do here. I still have feelings for her; do I just stop talking to her?

Well, if you can't put your feelings to rest when you keep talking to her then perhaps you should stop talking to her so that you give yourself a chance to get over the emotions that you have for her.

She's not going to leave her boyfriend by the sounds of things. I'd stop hoping to be her new boyfriend and I'd discontinue being her male girlfriend. She told you she loves him. Move on is my suggestion.

[jonnyboy917]

is this normal just keeping me around as a friend? i hate that the two of us just hangout and she thinks nothing of it

[Wakeup]

It seems to be a normal thing for a lot of young people these days but if it's hanging with her is not productive to allowing you to get rid of your feelings for her then I'd not do it any more. She's getting her emotional needs met through you and her sexual and provider needs through her boyfriend. I, for the life of me don't understand why so many young men seem to want to take the role of being a female friend's emotional tampon. I wonder what her boyfriend thinks about it and if he even knows that she does that with you???

[jonnyboy917]

i know for a fact that he doesn't and she keeps me away from him and him from me, so that's way i'm so confused about the entire situation

[smackie9]

You are friend zoned. She was using you as her emotional tampon and thinks nothing of it. If you want her, you cant so you better just stop wasting your time. Stop being friends with girls if you want to get laid.

[MaidenMinx]

It sounds like she is using you for the emotional support element of her relationship and giving everything else to her boyfriend. If you are happy to play second fiddle, keep being her friend and keep talking to her.

[Wakeup]

i know for a fact that he doesn't and she keeps me away from him and him from me, so that's way i'm so confused about the entire situation

Tell her you'd like to meet her boyfriend. That if you and her are going to be friends then you should meet him as well. lmao.

[IncognitoSir]

stop wasting your time, she's simply using you and you don't even know it.

[princessmolly]

you're her safety net.
girls like, no wait, they NEED attention. take it from a girl. if we're going through a rough patch with our boyfriends, we keep the one guy around that we know is attracted to us, and we know won't ever be more than just "the guy that's attracted to us". we're bitches like that. I'm really sorry, but we are.

[jonnyboy917]

I thought I should update this thread with what's happened, I found out that she broke up with him and it turns out that it is because of something that I said. I'm not sure what m next step should be; whether to go after her or give her space.

[bombboy85]

this may sound weird but do yourself a favor and watch an episode of How I met Your Mother titled "Hooked" from Season 5. It may help you understand what she is doing with you.

[smackie9]

Give her space....let her come after you when she is ready, BUT dont give in so easily....let her earn your attention. If you go to her you are sticking yourself in the friends zone again.

[Wakeup]

I thought I should update this thread with what's happened, I found out that she broke up with him and it turns out that it is because of something that I said. I'm not sure what m next step should be; whether to go after her or give her space.

This is nothing new. She's broken up with him before and has returned to him. How many times is it now? She's got self-esteem issues and I'd not go near her until you know for a fact that she's TOTALLY done with this guy. One has to wonder what kind of self-esteem issues and lack of self worth someone has to have to remain in a relationship with someone who keeps breaking up and returning? Some kind of fked up as far as I'm concerned.