Try to get her back?

[captainlol]

A little bit of background information:
I had been going out with this girl for almost two years. She had a boyfriend at the time, but broke up with him and we got together shortly after. She cheated on me within the first month of us getting together, and it hurt me a lot. She was the first person I had sex with, so it was a pretty special thing to me, and how she could just run off and do the same with someone else really got to me. I was going to break up with her, but was extremely sorry that she had hurt me, so I decided to give her a second chance. That may have been my first mistake, as I resented her for a long time. We got past it though, and things were great, but admittedly, I could have been a better boyfriend - meaning I wasn't putting in as much effort into the relationship as she was. I realized I was doing it unconsciously because I didn't think she deserved anything good because of what she had done. I also realize this makes me the biggest asshole in the world, so no need to call me out on that. We had taken a few breaks on and off, but always managed to get back together.

We seemed to be happy enough, but then a new girl came along. I met her through one of my acquaintances from school, but didn't think much of it at the time. New girl added me on facebook, and my girlfriend saw, asking who she was. I lied and said I didn't know her (mistake #1) but my girlfriend didn't seem to buy it. Eventually I told her that I met the new girl earlier that day, and my girlfriend got angry that I had lied to her, understandably so. She wants me to stop talking to the new girl, and I agree, but every time I'm with my friend, the new girl is also there, making it kind of difficult and awkward to keep my promise. Fast forward a bit, and I'm still seeing the new girl, getting closer to her, and lying about it to my girlfriend.

Eventually I break up with my girlfriend because the new girl is fun and exciting. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about here: the butterflies and good feelings that accompany a new relationship forming. We texted A LOT and saw each other quite often. I thought everything would be great, but the new girl was always busy with exams and work, so I didn't get to see her much, if at all. It was only one week, but managed to seem like forever. I can be quite impatient sometimes. Since I'm not getting much from the new girl at this point, I start talking to my ex again. She's quite responsive, and I want to get back with her since the new girl isn't really doing it for me. She agrees and we are back together, but things are a bit rocky, as you would expect. We decided to take things slow, and spend less time apart, balancing our personal lives and our time together as a couple. I agreed to cut off all contact with the new girl, which wasn't hard since it would be awkward at this point anyway. But I went to hang out with my friend one time and she came along, even though I was a little uncomfortable with it, but didn't want to show it. That was the last time I saw her, but my girlfriend asked me if she was there and again I lied and said no. She found out later that I lied, and she got pretty upset.

Things have just been downhill from there, as I had found my interest in her waning, and stopped caring in general. She was hanging out with her friends a lot more, and we barely saw each other. A week ago, we talked about it and she said she still had feelings for me, but wanted to break up since she wasn't getting anything out of our relationship anymore and that she needed someone who cared about her in a way that I didn't, and that she couldn't trust me. I thought this would finally be my escape, to get out of the relationship without feeling guilty, but I actually felt sad. I didn't want to break up with her, but I knew it would be best for her. I haven't talked to her since then, thinking she needs her space, so I'm just sitting here all alone and feeling sorry for myself. I've read a lot of the threads on this forum the past few days, and have learned a lot from them, like what I need to change about myself, what to do, and what not to do in a relationship to keep it alive. I feel like I'm ready to give it another shot with her for real this time, but I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do. I'm afraid if I do get back with her (if she even wants to) things will just fall back into the way they used to be. On the other hand, it might be a chance for me to meet and go out with other people, even though girls in my life are few and far between. One of the things that bugs me is that I know she'll be able to move on no problem, as there are always plenty of guys waiting to jump at the opportunity, while I'm stuck here all alone. I know all the girls and probably guys here hate me for what I've done, but what advice do you have?

[nerdy_guy]

People make mistakes, that's how we learn. Although she still says she loves you, its already a hollow shell. There's really nothing more in there. What has happened in the past has left quite a bad taste in both your mouths. That becomes part of your history. Roller coaster relationship never really last, the thing is, each time you break up, it is always because of a fight, which is has been piling up from day 1. Even though how much you agree that the past is the past, every time you fight, that "past" always gets factored into it. Over time, both of you becomes so bitter at each other, you'll harbor so much resentment, you won't even want to be friends with each other.

I suggest that you stop lying, learn from your past, find someone new, and start over. Besides IF she did broke up with her boyfriend just to be with you, It's also a possibility that she might do the same to you as well.

[captainlol]

Well being with me wasn't the sole reason she broke up with her boyfriend. In fact I probably had little to do with it, as we didn't get together until about a month after

[kitkitkitty]

lesson 1. stop lying.
lesson 2. the grass isn't always greener on the other side. you should be happy with what you've got.

[captainlol]

So you're saying I should just be happy being single?

[nerdy_guy]

I'm saying stop turning this relationship into a light switch (On and Off) Learn from this and move on.

[VincenzoG91]

So you're saying I should just be happy being single?

For now, yes. You just don't sound like you're ready for a long-term relationship at this point in your life. You're young (or else very immature), so you might as well just date around for now, and work on growing as a person. One thing you will eventually learn is that love is more than just that initial excitement. Real love outlasts the butterflies in the stomach phase and can grow into something calm, steady and reliable. A source of strength that will carry you through good times and bad times, and everything in between. A part of your life that you won't just toss away for a momentary sense of novelty with a stranger.

One particular thing to work on... you might be insecure. A secure person wouldn't have tolerated cheating, and wouldn't be easily distracted by a little attention from a new girl. A secure person is confident about making good decisions and doesn't need to lie to cover up the bad decisions.