Jealousy and Fear - Need help

[kidShaman]

I really need some advice.

I recently started dating a great girl, about a month and a half ago. I'm happier with her than any of my past girlfriends. I'm doing my best not to be clingy, needy, etc.. I want to be the same person I was before we started dating.

It's proved very challenging so far. It's hard to beat that voice of fear which says I'm going to screw it up! I meditate sometimes and that helps, and I'm considering talking to a counselor more regularly to keep my mind set.

Another BIG issue which made me come here... I am getting very paranoid and jealous of one of my friends. He came with us and some other people out camping for New Years, and he really outshone me that evening. My girlfriend was laughing at almost everything he said, and not paying as much, if any, attention to me.

I tried telling myself it was just a fluke, and I was being paranoid, but the more I remembered of the evening the more solid it seemed that way.

I was once completely in love with a girl, and she left me after a year for my best friend. He was overly single, the kind of guy that laughed all the time, was hardly ever serious, funny - a lot of things girls seem to like. ANOTHER girl I almost started dating in college became TOTALLY uninterested in me once she met one of my OTHER best friends, and they started dating each other.

So it's happened twice before.

My current friend said that he would "never intentionally steal" her away from me, after I brought it up to him, because I couldn't take it. At first that was comforting, but that word "intentionally" has me very scared.

Being scared doesn't help. It makes me seem insecure to my girl, and that's not who I am!

Anyway, I forgot about it and he came over to her house with me the other night. I didn't really want him to come, but he is really always seems to go out of his way to give people rides and be nice and I dont have a car. There were a lot of kids at her place (older sister had a lot of friends over), so we ended up not staying too long. We were coming up with a plan of what to do, and for some reason (note he has a girlfriend), he said that if she came back to our town (about half an hour away) he could stay the night at HIS place OR my place.

I was really taken aback by that. I simultaneously saw she took that as impressive, that he had the balls to suggest it in front of me. I didn't mention anything about it.

Anyway, today she just told me, "I think you should know, Zach (my friend) taught Anya (her neice) to pound it, though now I am teaching her to splode", refering to a funny hand-gesture thing that we do.

I was pretty much over it until she sent me that message. My friend has a girlfriend, but they have been dating a long time and things have seemed rocky at times. I don't honestly know him well enough to judge where this could lead, we have just known one another for a few years.

Please, any advice, just knowing someone understands would be a big help to me here.

~Dan

[swargolet]

You need to make yourself noticed! I'm not going to say she has feelings for him but she is obviously noticing him and what he is doing.
You kinda sound like the nice guy that all the girls like but you dont have the crazy side the are looking for. Not so much the crazy side, but you seem too quiet and you dont really have a presence in the room. Open up more, be funny, entertaining, stupid. whatever just make yourself stand out in a positive way.