Should I tell my coworker how I feel?

[mynameisblank]

I'm in love with my coworker. Every little detail about him is attractive to me. We started working together around 5 months ago and I've noticed the past few months he's all I can think about. Our management would not care at all if we were to date. When we are working together we seem to just gravitate to each other. We both have deep conversations about personal parts of our lives. We make each other laugh. We both enjoy the others company. I'm fairly certain he finds me attractive physically. He compliments me on my style. It would be a little out of line to say more, but I can feel him staring at me from a distance sometimes. I'm positive he isn't as close to the other girls we work with. We're starting to talk more outside of work, but nothing out of line. This all sounds great so far, but there are a few problems that are pushing me not to tell him how I feel. One, he and I are currently both in relationships. However, we both express how we are unhappy in them. Second, he is nearly eight years older than I am. This isn't a problem for me, but I'm not sure how he would feel. He does tell me all the time how I am very mature for my age and how it is surprising I am so young and so mature. Third, he's technically my manager. Although, it doesn't feel that he is and I don't need his help directly with issues. Our work setting is very relaxed. Overall, we are interested in all of the same things and I would just really love to be more close to him. I have a gut feeling I just need to tell him everything - all of it. Would it be weird for me to approach him with how I feel or should I wait to see if he will approach me? I know him well and I fear that he wouldn't confront me. What should I do?!

[Guybrush]

Many would warn you against work-place romances in general, but lets face it, that is actually where many couples first meet.

There are a few other significant red flags:

1: Your manager-employee relation. Whether you like it or not, this is unethical and unprofessional from his perspective. Are any of you prepared to leave your job to pursue a romantic relationship? You say that you don't feel he is your manager. But does he have any authority to you?
2: You say that you are both in a relationship. Why is that, if you are both so unhappy? Are any of you married or have children? It is not very flattering to be complaining to each other about your current partners. IF you end up in a relationship you may end up thinking about how you met and worrying about being left in the dark in the same way.
3: This age difference thing, how old are you?

[mynameisblank]

I'm 21 and he's 28. We work in retail. Neither him or I plan on working there much longer. Although, I do know he respects his position of authority. Our own relationships are not serious. He just started seeing someone a few months ago. As for me, I am no longer in love with the man I am with, but I'm just afraid to hurt him even more. Breaking up with him is an separate issue of it's own. However, if I know for sure my coworker is interested in me then I would immediately leave the one I am with.

[Guybrush]

OK, so points 1 and 3 in my last post should be no problem then.

But returning to point 2. YOu say that "However, if I know for sure my coworker is interested in me then I would immediately leave the one I am with. "

I'd like to appeal to your sense of integrity here. Don't you think it would be more fair to your current partner to do things in the right order? First, either fix or end your current relationship. Then see where things go with your workplace crush.

You will not be hurting your current BF any less by playing it safe and waiting until you can jump straight from him to another relationship with a new guy. I am confident that this will make it even worse for him.

[jennifer.c]

Guybrush is right, you should make a decision about your current boyfriend before you make one about your other guy. I know it sounds appealing to stick with it until you know for sure something better is available, but it's not really fair to him.

And in my opinion, that decision should probably be to break up with him (regardless of if manager guy is an option.) It's clear the guy you're with not the one you want. Breaking up is hard, but staying with him just because you don't want to hurt him is never, ever a good idea - you'll have to do it eventually, and the sooner you're honest, the better it is for both of you. Nobody wants to date someone they don't love, and on the flip side, nobody wants to date somebody that secretly doesn't love them. In high school, I made the mistake of staying with a boyfriend long after I wanted to end it... because I felt bad, and also because I doubted I had a chance with the guy I REALLY liked. I found out years later my crush liked me all along, but of course I was taken so he never made a move.

So, if you break up with your current partner, in addition to it because the courteous thing to do, you'd also essentially be making the first move with the new guy. He'd begin to think of your newly single self as a real option and might be more inclined to end his own unhappy relationship. And, when the time is right, absolutely tell him how you feel (just, you know, be aware that if he rejects you, you might still have to deal with working with him a little while longer)

And I just realized this is in the "ask a male" section, but, meh. Just my two cents. Good luck!

[Boisdevie]

However, if I know for sure my coworker is interested in me then I would immediately leave the one I am with.

I hope your current boyfriend knows what an amoral person he is in a realtionsip with. I feel sorry for the guy. You'll stick with him until something better comes along. That really is low.