Will he ever forgive me.

[soulshine85]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 10 months. It's the first "semi" serious relationship that I've ever had. I've dated other guys before, but I have definately never felt this way about any other guy. I love him very much and care deeply about what he thinks of me. We've had a few spats, but generally the relationship has been improving as we've gotten to know one another and as we've learned what's acceptable and what's unacceptable behavior. Which leads to my current situation. This is actually a rather childish matter. On Friday evening, I made the mistake of posting a status update on facebook that included him and a part of our conversation. It wasn't anything bad - just a funny exchange between the two of us. Of course there was embelishment - it was facebook, afterall. We were getting ready to go to a football game at his old high school and he was coaching me on what I should wear, since I had jokingly told him that I was going to wear one of my old high school sweatshirts. (I went to another rival school) I posted something on facebook along the lines of, "He must think I've been living under a rock or something because he's giving me advice on what to wear to a football game." I used his name too. And I mentioned how he said that everyone hates my high school (which is true.) It was meant to be funny. I didn't think that it was slandering him at the time. Later that night we went to the game and I came back home as he had to get up the next day (a Saturday) to attend a charity event for work and I wanted to sleep in. To make a long story short, one of my friends on fb that works with him, asked him about my "offensive" post and was sort of teasing him about it, as were a few others. He wouldn't speak to me until last night and we talked for nearly an hour and he's very upset and angry. I have now deleted the offensive post. I apologized over and over. I know how he feels about facebook - he hates it. I know that he's probably a little embaressed and he's worried about his image at work being tarnished. I did not make any excuses for myself - I owned up to it. I'm giving him a few days to process the information, but he's so mad. I think he's overreacting, however, I did violate his privacy and his trust. I guess I'm just wondering if our relationship is doomed? Can he forgive me? Would he even want to?

[vashti]

If what you said is accurate, I think he's overreacting, but if he is sensitive about being mentioned on FB, just don't do it anymore. All that can be done is to apologize, and since you did that already, there is nothing else to do but wait, but if he is ALWAYS this uptight, I'd be a little concerned.

[Maple1714]

Yeah, seems he is overreacting and its FB for god sake...but sometimes people get upset over things that seem simple and silly to us...but obviously it stirred up some emotions he has. Just respect it, say you are sorry and move on. Hopefully, he doesn't get upset about little things like this frequently.

[soulshine85]

He's a pretty private person. He thinks facebook or any kind of social media is stupid. I resisted the urge to tell him that everyone has already moved on from the post except for the two of us. Most people are too involved in their own life to worry about what someone else thinks. He's very serious about his work and he doesn't want this to have a negative influence on his performance at work. He informed me last night that he doesn't want to have a knee jerk reaction, and he wants time to think. I totally respect that, but I hate this in limbo situation that we have going on. He's very angry and he feels like his privacy has been violated. I agree with him that it was childish of me, but I owned up to my mistakes. I just think you have to take the good with the bad. I skrewed up, I made a HUMAN error and a poor judgement call. It was not intentional and it was a mistake. I'm human - I'm going to skrew up. I'm just sort of taken aback by his reaction, is all. I would hate for something like this to come between us. I mean, I know what not to do in the future. He can be rather unforgiving at times, and now I'm just wondering if this is a red flag for me? But, I keep reminding myself that the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. The mere fact that he's angry implies that he cares and he has something vested in this relationship too, right?

[Maple1714]

He's a pretty private person. He thinks facebook or any kind of social media is stupid. I resisted the urge to tell him that everyone has already moved on from the post except for the two of us. Most people are too involved in their own life to worry about what someone else thinks. He's very serious about his work and he doesn't want this to have a negative influence on his performance at work. He informed me last night that he doesn't want to have a knee jerk reaction, and he wants time to think. I totally respect that, but I hate this in limbo situation that we have going on. He's very angry and he feels like his privacy has been violated. I agree with him that it was childish of me, but I owned up to my mistakes. I just think you have to take the good with the bad. I skrewed up, I made a HUMAN error and a poor judgement call. It was not intentional and it was a mistake. I'm human - I'm going to skrew up. I'm just sort of taken aback by his reaction, is all. I would hate for something like this to come between us. I mean, I know what not to do in the future. He can be rather unforgiving at times, and now I'm just wondering if this is a red flag for me? But, I keep reminding myself that the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. The mere fact that he's angry implies that he cares and he has something vested in this relationship too, right?

Hmmm...to me his reaction is a big red flag. You say that he is rather unforgiving? That is scary...b/c if you continue to be in a relationship where you feel like you have to walk on egg shells, then that's pretty much like being in an abusive relationship in my opinion. It was a FB post and you deleted it...I mean how will he react to other "errors" in the future. I Just re-read what you said you posted...I really don't understand why that was so bad? Shit, I have an issue with speaking my mind a little too much...i can be very harsh and call people out and if I don't surround myself with forgiving people then I would be screwed! Lol. He needs to gain some perspective....really...

To me forgiveness shows more love and caring than anger. Yes, it is true that anger stems from "hurt" of some kind. So if someone is angry with you then you must have hurt them, and then in return that means they must care...but not necessarily care about you. Hurt can come from many things...like I mentioned before the whoel FB comment thing and his privacy being violated...those are emotions that have nothing to do with the specific comment you made. He got upset b/c you mentioned his name on FB...why? Why does that really anger him so much? He has some anger issues it sounds like...prob. stems from something that happened to him long before he met you.

[Wakeup]

Well, I'm sure he's probably thinking the same thing ^^^ about you, soulshine. He may be taking a long time and to you an overly long time to process this simply because you knew how private he is and how much he hates facebook and everything that it entails but you went ahead and posted that comment anyway. To him, I'm sure that is a red flag behaviour displayed by you as well.

Sure you made a mistake, perhaps he's making one now by not immediately forgiving you but I understand where he's coming from when you knew how he felt but you went ahead and posted anyway.

I guess you both need to figure out if you value one another enough to actually get over this. If he's generally unforgiving when you do something that you DON'T know goes against his grain.. well to me THAT would be a red flag. Not so much if he's being a little unforgiving because you did something you DO know he wouldn't like.

[Maple1714]

Well, I'm sure he's probably thinking the same thing ^^^ about you, soulshine. He may be taking a long time and to you an overly long time to process this simply because you knew how private he is and how much he hates facebook and everything that it entails but you went ahead and posted that comment anyway. To him, I'm sure that is a red flag behaviour displayed by you as well.

Sure you made a mistake, perhaps he's making one now by not immediately forgiving you but I understand where he's coming from when you knew how he felt but you went ahead and posted anyway.

I guess you both need to figure out if you value one another enough to actually get over this. If he's generally unforgiving when you do something that you DON'T know goes against his grain.. well to me THAT would be a red flag. Not so much if he's being a little unforgiving because you did something you DO know he wouldn't like.

This is all true too...I just think its stupid for someone to get all worked up over a FB post....its ****ing FB. If he gets so upset about that how will he react to bigger issues? It scares me when people are that hard ass about little things...

[Wakeup]

^^^ I understand his consternation. Facebook is for sheep (IMO) who follow one another like, well, sheep and post personal stuff that should (again IMO) be kept between the parties involved and not broadcast out for EVERYONE to read.

It may be ****ing FB to some but it's a total invasion of privacy to others. Google "Marriage Breakdown and Facebook" and take a gander at the number of marriages and relationships that have ended due to people cheating with old highschool sweethearts because they re-connected through the crapper and due to exactly what Op is currently going through.

If you're going to use Fkbook then use by connecting with family ~ not as a broadcast system or a place to flirt with stranger men/women and thereby encouraging an emotional disconnect with your SO and partner.

JMNSHO.

[Maple1714]

Well, then the OP's BF shouldn't have a FB account...if he doesn't want people to say things about him on there...and his GF was talking about clothes and football not the size of his penis...

Hey Wakeup - lighten up!! Damn...you must live in a world with many rules.

[Wakeup]

^^^ Perhaps you should get a few more? You seem to have none? You want to make this personal just because I have a different opinion then you.. says more about you. Who are you to say he shouldn't have a face book account. He can have one and not have to look at his gf airing their personal situation can he not? There are two sides to every coin. Op was having a hard time seeing her bf's side.

[smackie9]

So she put words in his mouth....I would be pissed too if my old man did that to me. That's why I say FB is the anti-christ. It causes misundertandings, embarrassments, ends marriages, and relationship alike. I have posted things on FB and people take it out of context, and gets blown out of propotion. It's a big pain in the ass. So now I limit my use.

OP, Sorry but there has to be some boundries set up between you two about FB. Wait til he cools off, and have an open honest discussion about it. As usual communication is the only way to resolve this.