Me vs Boyfriend/His Family...help!!!

[anc91]

I just moved out of the house that my boyfriend, his brother, sis in law and their 2 kids lived in. I stayed there for 2 short months because I could not take it any longer. My boyfriend helps them pay half the rent so he said it would be a good idea I stay with him (I had just discharged from military). So stupidly I agreed to it. During my stay there, my boyfriend would pressure me to hang with his bro and sis in law. The bro was easy to get along with, the sis in law not so much. She and I hung out only once so after that I kept asking her to hang. We never did. Instead she told me and my bf she was hanging with some friends one weekend. So I gave up on her. One time when I hadn't lived there yet but visiting from my base, I walked in the house and she said "I thought you were in lllinois." Not a hello. And later that week when I left to go back to base, it was getting late but I left late from their house anyways all the time. The sis in law walks in and say "not to be a b.i.t.c.h but shouldn't you have been gone already?" I asked my bf brother about that later and he said sometimes his wife say things without thinking so I'm like ooh ok?... Anyways the week I was to move out me and the bro were talking and he ask if I had a mattress I said air mattress and he gives me advice on where to get cheap mattresses. Ok cool. But 2 days later when I move he ask me in front of his wife and my bf the same question. I said air Matress and he repeats "air Matress" and kind of laughed. My whole experience with them was odd. Now that I've moved out my bf wants me to come by and visit and I really don't want nothing to do with then right now. My bf of course defend his family when I tell him these issues. He says "we are all a family!" Well doesn't feel like it. What should I do? And why was his family acting that way toward me??

[basilandthyme]

Why they do what they do is beside the point. You'll do your head in trying to understand why other people do what they do....and you'll never figure it out anyway. I think we proved that in your previous thread about these people

The thing of main importance is for you to figure out the best way forward for yourself. The big question is whether or not your boyfriend and his situation is what you want in your future. This whole situation has 'make or break' written all over it.

[smackie9]

You have to look at it this way, they probably had an agreement that your BF would stay to help pay half the rent OR that your BF couldn't afford to live on his own so they accepted this arrangement to help him out. I'm sure the conversation when like this :he convinced them to have you stay and see how things went.. The sister in law most likely pulled his brother aside and told him she didn't like having another house guest and that she had already accepted his brother to stay, but this wasn't part of the agreement, which would explain her resistance. I bet money on it she put up a fight about it and lost because it was two against one. Of course he wouldn't tell his own dear brother "NO! you can't have her stay." This is probably why he forced the issue that everyone hung out together etc because he really wanted it to work, and wanted to make sure the sis in law would change her mind about you staying

So don't take this personally about his family, it's the fact your BF is blind to your feelings, he saw nothing wrong with what happened. I say he's a bit dense.

I'm sure if it was under different circumstance (not living with them) they would seem just fine. But when resentment and tension arises about personal space, it can set a negative impression making the relationship with them awkward.