My ex GF's behaviour, what does it mean

[Indy]

My GF has really low self esteem and she's really anxious and insecure. She does not love herself and she has had a hard life. She was almost raped and she had to have an abortion amongst other things. She didn't want to get into a relationship but then she met me and she felt she could trust me and I have been supportive when she cried and was down. However, all of a sudden she wants to break up because she said that she can't love me properly without loving herself and that's she has been suffering all her life. She feels more insecure and anxious since dating me even though she loves me and doesn't want to break up. She feels breaking up will give her space to heal herself. She also says that she doesn't want to hurt me even though I am strong enough to support her. She is very defensive and sensitive and sees every thing in a negative way.

If I giver her a compliment she will be very suspicious. Another night she thought I had scratches on my chest and she got really upset because I thought she was cheating. When I meet her she seems nervous and on edge and always watching but then asks me if I am nervous even though I am fine. If I am with female friends, she asks me where I am and with who and freaks out. I met a friend of mine last week and she didn't talk to em for a day. She then said she thought I am trying to make her jealous even though that's not true. I was upset because she was giving me the silent treatment and then she freaked out because she thought that I love her more than she loves me because, she said, 'if I trusted you I would love you' and she has also said that she doesn't deserve me; that she is scared because she loves me so much; that she has shown too much of herself; and that if I knew the real her then I wouldn't love her.

We were on a break then. Anyway, so I didn't hear from her for a week and on Monday night she sent me a message saying we should meet up. Long story short, she tells me that she still feels she has to be on her own. So I send a message back saying I understand and that I'll always be there for her etc. so an hour later she calls me and she is crying and she is telling me that she is so confused because I am the best thing in her life and that she misses me etc.

I didn't hear from her for 3 weeks or so and I sent her a message. She said she loves and misses me but needs to be alone. So we are not broken up.

What happened here? Is it BPD or something? I am not saying I want to go back to her, just her behaviour was very confusing

[michelle23]

Shes doing the right thing. She does need to be alone so she can deal with her issues. Shes not emotionally healthy and any relationship she has will be dysfunctional. Shes actually doing you a favor here. Its a lucky escape coz shell just drag you down. A relationship with her would turn abusive within months. She needs to work on herself and you need to stay away. Stop saying youll always be there-thats an empty promise and a lie. Move on

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[smackie9]

I agree she has some real bad baggage so in no way is she able to have a healthy relationship with anyone at this time. If she went through all that I hope she is getting counseling of some kind. Abortion is a very tough one to deal with along with sexual assault. You can't help her, so don't try to be a shining knight. It's better to just say you are broken up and are friends for now.....offer support when she needs it.

[4 ratties]

How long were u together for?

[havermoutpap]

She has some serious issues, and the fact that she acknowledges this and leaves you be is very mature of her. If you might feel like trying to get back together with her, think hard about the baggage she brings with her. If not, there is nothing you can do but keep being there for her if she needs you. Other than that, she has to deal with this herself.