Should I Wait for Love?

[amoamo1980]

Now, I don't have a problem with people who date a lot of people, but I don't like the idea of it personally. I tried going out with somebody just because I fancied them, and tbh I didn't get much out of it, so it ended fairly soon. After that I pledged to wait until I fell in love with somebody, in short I got TOO close as friends and then ended up in another short relationship, losing a best friend.

What do I do? I wanted to fall in love or at least feel that amazing connection before going out with them. But I'm worried that if I get too close I'll lose another best friend. Can somebody help? :/

[amoamo1980]

Sad Bump :/

[Kagerou]

Don't go looking for something so special, let it find you on it's own.

I've had a personal deal with myself since I was 16 that I'd never date very close friends in fear of losing them, however I found that some people appear in your life that you don't expect.

I met my Fiancee when I was taking my little brother to nursery, she wasn't a friend of mine nor did I know her but we hit it off instantly. It does happen.

A lot of good friends of mine date a lot of girls and they tell me they weed through the bad ones so only the good are left, I think that seems a painful process though. I suppose it depends on age too? If you are young, there's no rush.

[amoamo1980]

I am young and I guess you're right, but I always feel like I'm going to miss my opportunity and get too close. I guess its just all about taking the risk. Better to lose what you might have than lose what you do have, hurts less that way.

Its still hard and confusing though.

[amoamo1980]

Bump :/ any more advice?

[Jas_mine]

You can't fall in love with somebody before dating them - love at first sight is a huge scam! Love is a natural progression of feelings as you get to know that person. Let it happen naturally - stop restricting it.

[xxazurexx]

I always thought the 'normal' way, was to date people we were heavily attracted too. At least that is what I've always done anyway. I wouldn't just go out for dinner with any random guy who showed an interest and to see if we got along - bollocks to that. I have to fancy the pants off him and to even consider meeting up with him.

OP, you must be attracted to some females where you live. It all builds and moves forward, from an initial attraction.

[amoamo1980]

I get what your saying i guess. Its just i dont know when is the best to go for a relationship. Too soon and it'll go wrong... Too late and theres too much to lose. How can i get over this?

[Mish]

I think when you find the right person going too soon or too slow won't matter. The fact that previous ones didn't work out speaks more of incompatibility between you and less about the timing.

[VincenzoG91]

Do some dating just to get a better idea of what kind of person you want to be with. It's easy to comic up with a list of ideal traits, but once you get some dating experience, you will become more realistic about your priorities, or at least figure out some more deal-breakers. And a date can still be fun even if you aren't especially attracted to the other person. Just sitting around waiting for the right person to magically appear works in Hollywood rom-coms, not so much in real life.

[RdHrshyKss]

Just sitting around waiting for the right person to magically appear works in Hollywood rom-coms, not so much in real life.

oh do i wish that wasn't the truth

[amoamo1980]

I do know that my previous relationships failed because of incompatibility... I just meant i didnt want to get too close before going out next time in case we are incompatible and i lose another good friend.

What you guys are saying makes total sense. There are a couple of people i have met recently that i do just click with so hopefully i can spend some time with them and try and think things through more carefully.

At least most girls i meet know im a guy that cares about inside not out (seems to be a rare thing lol).
Did anybody else find REAL relationships scary at 16?

[RdHrshyKss]

times have changed so much, even within the past decade with kids and their dating...craziness.

you are 16, you shouldn't be worried about having a REAL relationship at your age. you should be having fun (within limits) and learning what it is that you want in a girlfriend. you get too serious too soon and you lose out on all that learning time and end up with someone you don't like. stop worrying about what to do or not to do around girls in your social circle. just be yourself and the compatible girls will latch onto your signals . your time for a relationship will come, just be patient and be yourself, don't fret!

[amoamo1980]

You really are right. And i know its very unlikely im going to fall in love again any time soon lol. But the feeling of being in love is just incredible, when just hearing a name can make you smile. That short magical period when it all starts... And when i see my best friends together after 2 1/2 years at 16... And even though they fight they are strong. Im not jealous but Putting it all together makes me a bit too eager lol. I dont reeaaaally want a relationship right now... Im just fretting about the future haha