Very confused on his intentions.

[Ashurii]

I had a very good guy friend until I screwed it all up a year ago. I've missed him daily since then and tried talking to him before, but he's ignored me, blocked me, didn't answer my phone call. Granted, last summer he texted me a bit, said he wasn't angry at me or anything, and when I wished him happy birthday in January of this year he said thanks.

Anyway, my loss and regret goes on daily, and I called him two nights ago, leaving a voicemail. With all the brushing off he's done, imagine my surprise when he calls back an hour later. He was somewhere with a noisy background so it was hard to hear each other, and when I asked if we could try being friends again he said "What reasons?" I said my piece, but by then I imagine he heard like..1/4 of it and we agreed that I would call him back at 2pm the next day.

I call him back at the time mentioned above, no answer. Er. I call again to leave a voicemail to just call me when he's free, assuming something came up. Nothing. I texted him asking if a midnight chat was good, and he texted back, "About what?" Er. I texted back that we kind of agreed on talking that day anyway. No response. Assumed he didn't appreciate that I skipped his question, so I text back answering. No answer.

I keep hoping he'll text or call this afternoon, but half of me scoffs at the hopefulness of that. What I don't get is why he even bothered telling me to call him back, when he could have just given me a straight out "no" when we were talking on the phone.

[hello1]

What did you do to screw it up?

[sookie6]

I'm afraid you'll never get to the bottom of this and also that this friendship has little chance for revival.

The guy will never clearly tell you to stop bothering but really that is what he is trying to imply. Don't bother over-analysing why he's done this or that...there's no point...when a person is interested they put efforts and time in rebuilding a relationship...

This guy is NOT interested and you should learn from this experience to let go...

I need to tell you and this is really meant to help you that all your attempts could be constructed as obsessional and even if it's not the case calling calling and calling again is never a good idea.

Well let this fish go for now...plenty of people out there to be your friend. You said you screwed things up last year...well forgive yourself for this and move on...some relationships are not meant to last but we learn whatever we were meant to learn from them...

[Ashurii]

Okay, I had an ex that hated him. He was no longer in the picture, and early last year he popped back in and demanded me to choose between him and my friend. With the content of my original post, I'm sure you know which crap choice I did.

[sookie6]

Male pride is at play here...your best chance to maybe gain his attention back is to play the No Contact rule...this might trigger his interest but then again it's not sure...

Don't beat yourself up over this...you were clearly on the rebound and still attached to your ex last year...so most people might have ended up doing the same crappy choice...as I said forgive yoursef...have fun and move on...

The guy might come back or not...it's not your call anymore hun

[Ashurii]

Thanks, sookie. And yeah, after the "I'm not mad at you but you made your choice" contact was minimal. I tried a few times every ~4-5 months or so. I was going to edit my previous post saying I haven't been talking to the (now ex again) other guy for a while, and he did try contacting me but I simply told him "no" and blocked any emails.

To be honest, I don't even know why I can't get over this guy. I considered him my best friend and yes, I did/do love and care for him in every sense of the word, but it's the friendship I really regret taking for granted and miss. Even when I had a phase of depression and bitchy mood swings he didn't haul butt out of there, and this is how I repaid him in the end. I guess what I hate the most is that I caused all of this myself.

[xxazurexx]

Seems you have been chasing him quite a lot and he's probably become too used to this pattern.

If you stop contacting, then he may get curious as to what happened to you. Curious enough to contact you perhaps?

But then a year is a long time and a long time in which to hold a grudge. ..so I wouldn't bank on it.

I guess some people are less forgiving than others and once you wrong someone, they don't give second chances.

[Ashurii]

Oh, whoa, I only saw sookie's second post. About your first:

Obsessional? It seems like it, though I'm trying to move on, and for that I need closure, and for that I need his reasoning. That and I'm stubborn. He does not hate me, he is not mad at me, he was just dandy with meeting me for lunch last summer, which we didn't end up doing. He knows all he has to do is outright tell me to shut up, or tell me why a second chance isn't good, and he hasn't done so. He has no issues with being blunt, and he is not doing so in this case.

When I called him Wednesday, I had no intention of calling him again until a while from now, but then he went and called me back, arranged another phone conversation, but didn't follow through, more or less fueling me. He now knows all he has to do is make that phone call he arranged himself, hear my reasoning that he requested I give him, then he can be a dick if it so pleases him, he can go about his merry life and I can start a much easier road to getting over him.

Or we'll start talking again, but I doubt that scenario will pan out.

EDIT

Seems you have been chasing him quite a lot and he's probably become too used to this pattern.

If you stop contacting, then he may get curious as to what happened to you. Curious enough to contact you perhaps?

But then a year is a long time and a long time in which to hold a grudge. ..so I wouldn't bank on it.

I guess some people are less forgiving than others and once you wrong someone, they don't give second chances.

What timing, xxazurexx :'D

Hum, I suppose, though I chill every few months to let him stew or think or whatever. We texted back and forth around June/July, said he'd do lunch while I was in LA, we didn't do that. Had a small conversation in September, when he said he wasn't mad at me. January I wished him happy birthday, and I think it was around February when I called him for the first time with no response.

[xxazurexx]

^^Why bother with someone who still holds so much anger and after a YEAR?

If he hasn't forgiven you and after all this time, then I'm thinking he is never likely to fully forgive you.

I think he's let go, but you still are insistent on calling him. If you were not contacting him, then he wouldn't be telling you that he'd call for a conversation, he wouldn't get the opportunity to let you down. The fact he isn't returning your call to talk and when he says he will, would seem to be a clear indicator that he is not particularly interested in talking too. You can't blame him and when you are the one that is keeping and choosing to keep this 'drama' going....

[sookie6]

Ashurii there is a valuable lesson to learn for you here and it's to let go...

If at some point you are able to say ENOUGH I accept that I will never know and I'm fine with it...can you imagine the power and control it gives you over your life and in your relationships...

This guys is not the one for you anyway as the premisses for love and romance have been spoiled already...what could possible come out of this other than more frustration and power struggle between what seems to be 2 strong headed characters

I've got the feeling you are young, pretty and intelligent so let life bring you something new by moving on from old and rusty situations.

It's Summer time with its fun and postive vibes...I trust someone else will catch your interest very soon..

Trust me when I say that life has a way to make you meet new people that will trigger your interest the same or even more...

That guy was not meant to be...you'll make more friends, you'll experience love again this is a certainty...

[Ashurii]

You guys are right. I'm frustratingly the type that's easily led around by her emotions, and I really trusted this guy more than any other, so when he says something I believe he meant it. So when he told me he wasn't angry, I believed he wasn't angry. Sometimes I wonder if we would be talking if I just didn't bail out of the lunch. -shrug- We were texting about mundane things, doing okay, and I didn't contact him about the lunch because..meh, I was really scared about what he'd say.

There is a lesson here, and I know I need to learn it eventually, it's just tough Especially after a year already where it's been pulling at me pretty much constantly, the first guy I truly loved, first guy I had sex with, all wrapped up with the bow that he was even a best friend to me. Not even romance I'm after, I'd be fine if he had a girlfriend or something, I just want that best friend back. I loved my other boyfriend, now ex, even though he turned out to be a huge ass (which should have been obvious the moment he demanded me to choose between him and the best friend) but not once did I think of him as a best friend, much less as a good friend.

I try really hard to stay realistic, so I didn't come out of any of this thinking "Death to all men!" or anything. I know there are a lot of great men out there, but thinking of dating or anything just makes me feel kind of sick. All of my goals in life have nothing to do with a guy; write for a career, maybe journalism or publishing, be a published author, travel the world and see all sorts of places. Those types of things I can control, and they are also things that I would really love. A man, though, anything can happen, and heartbreak well...sucks.

Sorry for rambling, I'm in a mood. Heh.

Edit:
So, last night a large part of me knew you guys were right, another part of me still wanted to try and try and try. Emotions were spiked last night, I felt a lot of anger at myself, and just had a good cry. Still sad this morning, obviously, but I'm getting along. Listening to new music, talking to buddies, looking up E3 information.

Then my phone rings, I assume it's my mom from upstairs wanting to ask me something, and it's..yep. The guy. I had a heart attack, forgot to answer, and I'm calling him back in a few minutes. I'll be telling him all of how I feel, so with this phone call I can get a resolution, be it with us trying friendship again or him telling me he stopped caring. One way or the other, I want to find full happiness again. so. yeah. here I go. x_x