My Girlfriend is Re-Thinking our Relationship

[johnwalker1]

I know this is just going to sound like any other love story, but please hear me out on this and take it seriously. I've never been on a forum like this and im trying something new....im desperate.

I met my girlfriend almost a year ago. At the time I met her, she was dating a man who was verbally abusive and very controlling. When she met me, she couldnt even look in my eyes because she liked me so much, even though she was not "supposed to" like me. we exchanged numbers after we met (we were working together for one week in retail) and would say hi on the phone once every few months. seven months ago, we finally hung out. she told me that her ex-bf finally went too far and hit her, and that she had ended it earlier that month. from the first time we hung out, we kissed each other and held hands. it felt so natural, and completely unforced. after just coming out of a bad relationship, we took things slow. we didnt have sex until about 3 months in. we grew to love each other though, in an honest way id never seen before.

Right when I first met her, there were lots of things going on in her life. Her grandmother, who she lived with, was dying. I was extremely supportive for her, helped her whenever she needed anyone to talk to, and even went to her funeral once she finally passed away. It was a lot for someone who had only been seeing someone for a month or so. I was there for her a LOT. and i did so because i could tell this wasnt just some fling. this was serious.

Things had gotten better and better and better. We got closer, had fun doing whatever we were doing, and never argued (we always talked out our differences.) it was such a healthy relationship.

The thing is, however, we live a small distance from each other. about a 35 minute highway drive seperates us. Because of this AND our work schedules, we usually see each other 2 times a week. (though never less and once in a while more). although we'd both love to see each other more, it isnt easy. It's also always been something we've addressed and realized, but mutally agreed that our love outweighed the inconvenience.

Until last night. Out of nowhere, she said she felt differently about us. she said that we get along fantastically, but the lack of me being there has caused her to feel like im more like" a best friend who she kisses". she said that she is still in love with me, but she needs to have someone who is more active in her everyday life. that if we were to break up, she would be heartbroken, but that it wouldnt affect her day to day rountine since we spend 5 day a week apart usually. she told me that shes getting a promotion at work and is only going to be getting busier, making this whole situation even harder. when i told her that i was willing to make sacrifices to see her more, she told me that she didnt think it was fair for me to have to do more and that she just didnt see how id be able to do anything to help it. her outlook on the situation seems negative. mine was hopefully. that hurt.

she does not own a car, and ive had to drive down to see her all but 3 times since we've been together. its been a pain and a little one-sided, but she cant help that and she has been nothing but fantastic to me. i dont know what hit her and made her start to think like this, but she feels like the downfalls of our issue outweigh the good parts of our relationship. she made it clear that she was still in love with me, but said these things

"i feel like im wasting your time, you're such a great guy and you deserve someone who can give you more"

"I have a hard time feeling like we're together, because you're never here. when we hang out its amazing, but you arent here for the little things most of the time"

"we need to have sex more"

"i just dont want it to get to the point where i'd do something i'd regret"


I'd be lying if i said i didnt feel heartbroken. i have been there for her as much as i can, done so much for her, been everything her ex-boyfriends have never been, and formed a relationship she had always dreamed of. she would often talk about wanting to spend the rest of her life with me. I honestly could see it happening. I still could, I'm not lying when I say I've never met a couple who get along so perfectly.

So no, she didn't break up with me, but she pretty much did a 360 out of nowhere by one day saying she wanted to be with me forever and the next saying that she felt differently. My question to all of you is "what should i do?." i realize our relationship is flawed because of the lack of being with each other, but I'm willing to work at it, even if it means only sleeping a couple of hours a night in order to visit her more. I really feel like we have a future, and that shes acting extremely powerfully on a feeling she hasnt fully thought through. i just dont know what to do. she has said that its not my fault, that i shouldnt be defensive, and that its just our situation, and that she loves me still. she said its just "not the right time", even though she wants it to be. thats a hard thing to get through my head, seeing as how im someone who is willing to fight for something i really want, no matter the cirumstances. she doesnt want me to go out of my way to see her more to the point where im exausting myself. she honestly cares, and i believe that. i just dont know how to handle this.

what do all of you think? do you think its a relationship worth saving? I sure do, and I know that deep down she doesnt want it to end either. she just needs me to be there more, and its REALLY bothering her. im willing to do anything for this girl, and i cant say that about any other girl ive ever met in my life.

[Kaius]

what is stopping you from moving closer to each other and spending more time together?
Is work schedule very difficult? Is it possible to move in together?
My girlfriend and I see each other 2-3 times a week because we have small children to take care of.
I think you can probably work things out, no?

[johnwalker1]

personally, i think we could absolutely work things out. in fact, i personally think that even though we could use a little more time together, the time we are spending is more than enough to bond. its not like i just stop by her place for a couple of hours. nights when i show up at 9pm i dont leave till 2 or 3am, and days we have off together are 100% spent with each other. i want to work this through so badly, it just seems like she has a very dark view of it all. im just hoping that shes willing to work at it just like i am.

moving in would be fantastic, but we're both in a similar situation. early 20's, and not the best of jobs. money would be tight, and i want to make sure we live comfortably before we do something like that. i dont want to take her out of her home and force her to live in poverty just to be with me. ive been trying to get on my feet more financially, and as soon as i do, thats definitely an option.

i dont personally think im not being a good boyfriend. should i just try my best to give her more attention? more calls and more visits? i think that being an adult, seeing your partner 2-3 times a week is plenty, especially considering how busy everyone is these days. id love it to be more. but i think she'll be hard pressed to find another guy she gets along with so well, and the whole "quality over quantity" deal should be in play. or am i wrong?