Happy New Years

[blue toxin]

My relationship just ended a few hours ago. As far as I'm concerned, it's "new years" at this point. So yeah, my spirit kinda died.

But I guess there's hope. I guess we got off in a fashion that she wasn't used to and she wasn't so sure how to feel. She said she's used to being friends for a long time before dating, not just acquaintences that evolved into 3 or 4 one on one "dates" and then resulting in dating.

Oh well. We'll have to see where the friendship goes. The relationship itself wasn't that old, only a couple weeks. But still, I wished it would of evolved into something. Maybe someday, though.

[Katty]

Oh no! I hope everything's okay! God, what a new years gift! I'm sad to hear that. I hope everything works out for you!

[Gigabitch]

Dude, I think you were doing it the normal way and she's a little odd. For me, friends are friends and potential boyfriends don't really go in that category. I don't think you'll have a hard time finding someone who can get with your approach next time.

[blue toxin]

It was strange, because she just wanted to do some more things together and get a better feel for who I am before we jump into a relationship. She almost made it sound like this... it wasn't that she didn't WANT to be in a relationship with me, it's just that she wasn't ready quite yet.

She said she's trying her best not to repeat past mistakes that happened in past relationships, and in one of them they started off like this but the connection just never established like she thought it would. So I guess I can't blame her, she's just looking out for herself, and we're still good friends, I guess we'll just wait and see what happens in the future.

[Gigabitch]

Well, I would say you're one of the more cautious guys I've ever heard of, so I can't really imagine you being put off by the idea of taking things slow.

Is she worth waiting for? Is she just telling you to wait, or is it really over?

[anachronistic]

happy new year!

[blue toxin]

happy new year!

I want to choke the living shit out of you.

[blue toxin]

Well, I would say you're one of the more cautious guys I've ever heard of, so I can't really imagine you being put off by the idea of taking things slow.

Is she worth waiting for? Is she just telling you to wait, or is it really over?

I don't think so. See... ****, it's a sticky situation. She said to me that she was with her ex for six months, and she still thinks about him now and then. She said with me, being I was with my ex for five years, she just can't imagine that I don't think about her and she doesn't want to get involved in a relationship where she doesn't think that the other party is completely, emotionally committed. I don't even talk about my ex that much, no more than she talks about her ex. But it's not even the talking part, she said it's just something she senses with me.

But I don't think my ex and I could ever work things out. Sure, I love her, a part of me always will, that's just something I can't deny. But will I ever be with her again? Good God I don't think so. Not with everything that happened between us. All I wanted was the girl I was with, not my ex.

But she's a great person. She's very independent, mature as hell, and is bright as hell. I really, really hope her and I can make things happen again. She said she just felt like we didn't have anything to build the relationship off of, and would rather we be friends a bit longer and get to know each other more THEN have more of a foundation to expand on into a relationship - if that part ever comes up.

I don't have much choice though. I mean, I'm single, I'm going to do my own thing, but I still want her, and if things are the same way in the next few months then maybe we can try things out again. I just hope she wasn't saying that to me in excuse for her liking somebody else. There is this other guy that she hung out with a few times. They went hiking once or twice and have a few classes together, but even before we hooked up she didn't say much about him. He just seemed like a buddy. But who knows. Blah.

[Gigabitch]

Blah, indeed. Crappy way to start the new year, huh? Sounds like you're pretty clear about what you want, though, which is what the New Year is about, isn't it?

I like that you don't get all wishy-washy about stuff. You've always been pretty straightforward in your posts, and I imagine that's what you're like IRL too. This is a wonderful quality that will serve you well.

Good luck, either with her or with whoever you find.

[anachronistic]

I want to choke the living shit out of you.

orly? lighten up a little, pal. just trying to cheer you up.

[blue toxin]

Blah, indeed. Crappy way to start the new year, huh? Sounds like you're pretty clear about what you want, though, which is what the New Year is about, isn't it?

I like that you don't get all wishy-washy about stuff. You've always been pretty straightforward in your posts, and I imagine that's what you're like IRL too. This is a wonderful quality that will serve you well.

Good luck, either with her or with whoever you find.

Yeah, thanks. I appreciate that. The thing is, she's even told me the same thing. I just think she feels like she's in a gray area right now, and wants some more non-committed time to spend with me before she truly establishes what is it she wants. I do believe we could get back together rather easily, to be honest. But will that happen? Guess we'll have to wait and see.

[anachronistic]

*cheers to blue toxin and lilwing* in hopes that we both get our lovers back.

[blue toxin]

I need a beer.

[blue toxin]

So just for some reassurance, what would you folks do? Continue hanging out with her and try to prove to her that you're really interested? She said to me that in the past she's done the same thing, felt like she rushed into a relationship and said whoa let's slow down a second. Then when they go to the friends stage, the dude never calls her anymore, and she knew it wasn't worth it and wasn't meant to be at that point.

So, that kind of raised an eyebrow to me. I guess the best thing to do would be to just continue hanging out with her, show her I'm not going to just blow her off like the other guys did, and actually try, because.... I actually care.

Anybody have any input?

[Junket]

What you gotta do man, (as I was explaining to my one female friend) is draw a line somewhere up ahead. See, it's so easy for girls to us guys to "wait around" regardless as to whether they really want us to or not. So you should set some kind of bar whether it be chronologically, or in regards to your relationship status (or both) that will determine whether you continue to wait, or cut it off.