Disaster!

[Whizza]

Words are pathetically incapable of describing how I feel at this very moment in time.

Needless to say that it's 'love' related and I need advice.


The girl I have been infatuated with for the last nine months has just told me that, having just broken up with her last boyfriend, she is now going out with another guy that I met the last time we went for a drink. I was reticent to tell her how I felt after bad experiences in the past but with nothing to lose I explained my case, met by "You didn't actually think it would work did you?". Well, yes actually, I didn't think it would work. I had no idea that she liked this new guy and frankly I am disgusted that I have beaten to the post by a silent condender. Her ex boyfriend hates me and I have spent half the night listening to why her new relationship has been kept a secret. I cannot begin to explain the complexity of this situation but after pouring my heart out to someone that has made me feel guilty for my feelings I am feeling somewhat confused as to how to convey my feelings.

This guy has ruined my life instantaneously by stealth and I am solitarily left to pick up the pieces. I don't want to be funny, nice or cute. I wanted to be the BOYFRIEND of this lovely girl but obviously that isn't going to happen.

I can still smell her and I am still in love but I cannot face seeing her again. I had no choice but to confess my feelings but look at the mess I've been left with. What now?

[shh!]

Ahh,young love! You really have no choice but to move on. Stop hanging out with this girl, waiting to see if you can "win" her love. She's not interested in you in that way, and you will only be adding to your own misery. Besides, wallowing in the melodrama will prevent you from finding a girl who is available to you.

[Cybog]

You were "the friend". Once you are in this position, you can never turn back. Like Shh! said, abandon this idea. She has used you as a scratching post and someone to lean on in her dark times. You will be hard pressed to ever be anything more.

[misombra]

that all sounded like some lines i've heard in the young and the restless or something.

[Whizza]

Sadly it seems that you two are right on the ball. What I find astounding is the immediate and unrelenting barrage of distructive events that occur whenever I am around her. Her secretive and suspensful manner generally opens our meetings on a half-truth like "I hate that guy" which invariably means she is madly in love with him, or in the case of yesterday, "You won't believe what just happened" leading to a conversation an hour and half later describing the intricate details of her dramatic day, culminating in "I'm going out with so and so" causing my jaw to smash ungracefully into my lap.

After bad experiences in the past I was determined to make this work, adopting military precision to allow me to keep track of my goals (never dishonourable) and I had been left with a situation where my life was seemingly slotting into place and although I was measurably confused by a lot of her behaviour, much of what she said seemed to be aimed at getting me to admit my feelings for her. To tell me that she has a boyfriend, two weeks after having split up with the last one, understandably dashed my hopes somewhat. I accidentally let slip that there was something about her new boyfriend that I didn't like, having also said that the last one creeped me out, and so I squirmed, struggled and hinted as to the reasoning for my dislike (which is purely based on my attraction to her and nothing to do with the bloke himself) and then was literally forced to admit my feelings.

In my drunken state I had made a calculated risk, one which I still don't regret, and she wouldn't even give me the time to think about what had just happened. She wouldn't let me collect my thoughts because she was meeting her boyfriend at her place in a few minutes and seemed blissfully unaware how much she was eating me alive and how much guts it took to say what I said. I think I should also mention that I am nearly nineteen and she is seven years older than me, therein being her excuse for why our relationship wouldn't work. She even said all this before I told her how I felt, saying that if she was younger she would definitely have gone out with me. If I can't see a problem with it why does she? She never once said she didn't feel the same way but I suppose the big hint I should be picking up here is her new boyfriend. That's a pretty big clue I guess.

[Chlorine]

Whizza---I read both your posts.

1) Competition beat you to it. She likes the competition.
2) She reminded you of the age gap
3) She rejected you without so much as a thought for your gaping wounds.

The only thing you can do now is to salvage whatever pride you have left, sound the retreat and bow out. Preferably dissapear of the face of the/her earth. Keep walking. Don't look back.