So in love with someone still married

[Meepgirl]

We worked together for over 6 months before I finally said yes to go on a date. 6 months on now I am madly in love with a very loving gentleman.

Two things did not bother me when we started dating.. over a year ago he separated with his wife, both of them had what he said a loveless marriage for over 5 years. He lives about 30 minutes from her, they do not really talk although they do maintain a good attitude for the kids.

They have a little boy and girl (6,4 years old) and he has them on the weekends.

From the beginning I have been very comfortable and relaxed with the idea of dating a guy with kids, he seems them on the weekend and I catch up on seeing my friends and have a bit of me time.

Recently his ex found out that he was seeing someone. She was more upset that mutual friends knew and not her. It sort of ended there. From what he has said previously they both we not jumping into divorce mainly because after a certain amount of time of being separated then its just about processing paperwork and not needing to go through lawyers.

As things move on with us I do notice that it starts to bother me that I am dating a married man. I do not feel as though dating a separated man is wrong I think in the back of my mind its almost like the seriousness of our relationship does not exist is because he is still indeed married.

I am moving across the Atlantic for work.. taking this to an long distance relationship scares me mainly because it makes if more and more of this feeling that maybe this ordeal will start to bother me.

I have been in love before but it is nothing like this. I want to make it work and I don't want to pass up someone I have such a connection with.. I just do not know deep down if this does bother me more than I think and as time goes by it will get worse and worse.

[misombra]

are you leaving town permanently?

[Meepgirl]

we still work for the same company so will spend time apart, working together, moving with some breaks apart

[misombra]

is he working on a divorce?

sounds like it wouldn't be a long, drawn out divorce...

[Meepgirl]

See the thing is... neither of them feel the need for the divorce at the moment, they said it was down to paperwork and lawyers, that they rather wait the time where its easier to do it through the paperwork route.


Although I mean I do not know her feelings, if deep down she feels that because its not a divorce that there would be a hope to be back together.. I just dont know

[IndiReloaded]

You are dating him, not her. Sit him down for a talk, and soon. You need to know what his thoughts & feelings are.

[vashti]

I think it was a bad plan to date a married man if you were looking for a serious relationship. He may not be fully committed to HER, but he also isn't fully committed to YOU, and he is indeed still married.

I don't know what the laws are like where you live, but here in the states, an uncontested divorce doesn't require lawyers... You can download the paperwork off the internet.

[misombra]

I would be worried if he wasn't at least thinking about it or feeling pressure to get divorced. I can understand the delay if there was a fight involved.

Does he want to get married again? Do you want to get married someday?

Yeah, you ought to talk to him about all this.