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[Nick17031]

My ex-wife and I were together, on and off, for over ten years starting in 1999. She left me the first time in 2000, and then came back in 2001, and shortly thereafter found out that she was pregnant with the loser's (and I DO mean LOSER, drug addict, grower, cooker, user, jailbird) child. I adopted that child, and have loved him as my own. His biological dad has contacted him maybe twice in his life, and last time my ex saw him, strung out, he didn't even ask about him. My ex left me again in late 2003, after I returned from Iraq, she said that I was "different." Everbody else I knew said that I was not "different" but that I certainly didn't take any crap anymore (war makes you realize, life is too short). I began to move on, and she reconciled with me in 2004. We were together, but had our ups and downs.

Her mother and I do not get along, as I don't enjoy being shouted at and insulted in my own house. We were planning on getting married in 2006, and found out that she was pregnant a few months later. We were married in March 2006, and had a little boy in June of 2006. My ex went to school to get her degree, and I supported her. We had our ups and downs, but argued most about where we lived (FRESNO). She always said that she wanted to keep living in Fresno, but she left almost every weekend to visit her friends in San Jose, California. I hated Fresno, and told her that I wanted to move, that I would be happier, and that increased seniority in the Bay Area would allow me to have weekends off to spend with my family. She convinced me to buy her a Mustang (trading in my old truck). She decided she wanted a tummy-tuck, and I protested that she did not, and that it was a waste of money (it was, looked worse afterwards), but she had it anyway.

On June 29th, 2009, she went up to the Bay Area to hang out with her best friend, and go to a birthday party. She started to act strange on the phone while she was up there. In the morning of June 29th, she sent me a text saying "I think you're right, the kids love it up here, we should move home" that evening, as I was in the middle of checking in the patrol car, she called me up, obviously intoxicated, and said she wanted a divorce, and she was not willing to dicuss it. She never really knowingly has.

Before she moved out, she got drunk, REALLY drunk. She turned into a completely different person. She said alot of things, and it became obvious that she had a lot of hatred for me that she had been hiding, and bottling up. She tried to hurt me, and she told me about how she had met this guy (another abject LOSER, alcoholic, and he treats my children like crap) and how he was so great, and how long he ----ed her, and how wonderful it was because he uses Viagra. The rest was too vulgar to post, but you get the idea. After that, she never acted like that again, and does not remember saying any of it. It was obviously true, because I interviewed her regarding her statements of infidelity, and I did not need to be a trained interrogator to tell that by her responses, statements and ommissions. She never acted like that again, except for one event. We had already planned and paid-for a family trip to Hawaii, when we flew back, she made me stop at a Taco Bell in San Jose. It became obvious to me shortly thereafter that she had gone into his house (nearby) to have a short "redezvous," leaving me in the car watching our children.

There is of course more to it than this, but I am trying to be somewhat brief.

Now she has moved out, and I am preparing to move (somewhat) nearer to her, to be near my children. Based upon everything that has happened, my head tells me to cut my losses and RUN. My heart still has a weakness for her. Most of my friends say it is only a matter of time until she comes "crawling back," and they warn me that I will probably get back together with her because of my love for my children. I laughed at them, but now I am starting to wonder, and it is scaring me.

Opinions? Personally I don't think she'll come back. I don't know what I'd do if she tried.

[chrisy]

Never love anyone more than you love yourself.

You have been a doormat where your ex is concerned and you now need to decide that you deserve better. Please be aware of this one thing - a woman needs to respect a man before she can love him. A woman needs to know that she cannot "walk all over" a man and, as a man, you have to be strong enough to walk away from a woman who treats you badly - even when you love her.

P.S.: The other guys may have been "losers" but there is a very high probability that they were not "pushovers" where she was concerned. Sad and most likely true.

[IncognitoSir]

I agreee with chrissy for the most part, shes walking all over you. It sux you have the children involved in all this as well and that complexes everything a lot more. Dont let here walk over you, i recently had to end my relationship for the very same reason. Mind you i wasnt married but same concept ya know. I loved her soooo much I thought, maybe she'll change but it didnt take long for me to realize that she was just using me. I'de advise you to just cut your losses and move on man.

[Chazza2k]

Hey Nick,

Sounds to me like she has been messing you around for an age and you have so far been willing to put up with it, if she thinks your always going to be there for her no matter what she does because of your love for her and children she will have very little insentive to change.

Has the relationship always been about her causing issues for you both and it all ends in you ultimately backing down? Sounds like so much has happened between you that resolving things would be very difficult but you still sound worried that if she tries it you will fall for it once again. She knows exactly how to wind you up and uses these losers to do it to you.

Because kids are involved theres always going to be a connection to you and her, I'm sure as soon as Loser alchy No.? starts to annoy her or isn't what she thinks she'll come crawling back too, all the apologies etc... I think shes using you as a safety net, its obvious you love your kids and it must be soul destroying to see them being used in this way but ask yourself do you ever think it will change? I think you should seriously be looking to move forward and get out of this whole senario, if you do go back I think its safe to say history will undoubtedly repeat..

[lhn]

Yeah, I think it's important to remember that ending your relationship with this woman permanently doesn't mean you wont get to see your children. Now, I'm sure there are two sides to every story but by the sounds of things, there is no reason why she would either want to or be able to stop you from seeing them.

Be selfish - she isn't making you happy and probably wont ever again, not after all this drama.

Cut your ties with this woman and be there for your children (goes without saying I'm sure).

Find happiness in a new woman. Permanent happiness. It's everyone's aim right?