Well, how do I go about trying to ignore this? A little lengthy

**Perturbedslinky** · 19-09-10, 02:06 PM

Okay, so my Girlfriend of 7 months, is 'friends' with this one guy. Only it happens that this one guy was one of her ex flings who she still managed to keep in contact with. When she and I met and were getting serious, she was talking to him and they were still telling eachother that they love eachother (which she told me was never true, and that she never actually loved him). They stopped talking because he said she would want to try something with him and she got mad, so they hadn't talked for 3 months. Then about 4 months ago, he texted her to stay in contact for another month before he left for the Army Training Camp. I figured it was fine and nothing I should be worried about, so I tried not to be obvious about the way I felt about it. But then the texting became more constant and more constant, and I recently learned that the entire time, he was always talking sexual with her and he would call her and try to have phone sex. And apparently she enjoyed it, because she always seemed to tell me about it right after it happened, even if she knew how I'd react, but she always said she'd never partaken in it, and I believe her. So, it got to about two days before he left and he told her he loves her. She didn't believe him and she told her friends and everything. With what she told her friends, they believed she liked him back, and I did too... So I'd asked her if she did and she told me she wasn't sure, which went on for about another month, even after he left. It got to the day he left where they said their goodbyes, and she wouldn't get out of bed or stop crying. She wouldn't even want to talk to me. They'd planned on writing eachother, everyday, but he didn't write her despite her giving him her address, so that didn't work out and she was mad at him for it and assumed he was trying to elicit an emotional response, "he just wants to hear "Oh, I missed you so much, _ _ _ _ _ _ _", that's all", and I believed her. Now, he's been gone for three months and just about to come home in October and I find it hard to get through one day where I don't hear about him 4 times. She's been comparing me to him, and always saying "if he's back, wouldn't it be wierd if he's there". She now denies her liking him, and her reason for it is because she says he's 'changed' or something, which doesn't entirely make sense because she hasn't talked to him since he left. They've already made plans on seeing eachother after he's out and before he leaves again, and she's really looking forward to it. More than she's ever looked forward to being with me. Even now, I feel like there's something missing. She doesn't talk to me as much, she's mad at things people wouldn't typically get mad at, she's paying more attention to her appearence and the way people see her than she ever has been. Whenever we don't see eachother, we text, and for the past 4 months, I haven't been getting anymore than a one-word response back from her. The longest text she'd ever sent me was when she was in California over Summer and it was about her and another guy in a hot tub who decided to rub feet together. Just ever since then, that guy leaving, she's never been the same. And she came back from California and I didn't even recognize her. I try talking about this all with her, but she just says "man up" or "get used to it". And I don't know how to take that. I'm trying to ignore this whole Army Guy thing, but I don't know how. Does she like him? Should I be worried?... Is this a lost cause I'm trying to save?... Sometimes it feels like I've already lost her... I don't know what to do anymore.

**MerryH** · 19-09-10, 02:48 PM

Are you sure she's your girlfriend? I mean, I get that YOU think she is, but does she know this? I ask because she doesn't act like your girlfriend at all. Proof:

she was talking to him and they were still telling eachother that they love eachother

But then the texting became more constant and more constant, and I recently learned that the entire time, he was always talking sexual with her and he would call her and try to have phone sex. And apparently she enjoyed it, because she always seemed to tell me about it right after it happened

So I'd asked her if she did and she told me she wasn't sure, which went on for about another month, even after he left.

I find it hard to get through one day where I don't hear about him 4 times.

The longest text she'd ever sent me was when she was in California over Summer and it was about her and another guy in a hot tub who decided to rub feet together.

Why are you putting up with this? It's so bizarre that she tells you about all this stuff. It's like she's cuckolding you. She's not even trying to hide it. I mean, you asked her if she has feelings for him, and she didn't say "OMG NO!" which pretty much means that she has feelings for him.

Does she like him? Should I be worried?... Is this a lost cause I'm trying to save?

Yes to all three. Find someone who respects you enough not to have highly inappropriate relationships with other guys and then rub it in your face. Also, possibly do some soul-searching to figure out why you think it's ok for a girl to treat you like that. I feel for you. Good luck.