Booty call from crush but friends - confused

[cold]

Hey, I'm at a point where I need someone to talk to about this and in the absence of anyone I feel like I could talk about this personally I decided to try here.

I've known the girl in question since Feb 2012. We met in a drug and alcohol private detox facility, me coming off opiates (heroin, OxyContin etc) her alcohol, I'm 21 right now she's 29. We were friends fr the start, similar interests in music, dealt with similar stuff on our life. We've stayed in contact off and on for a while.

About a month ago on a Friday I got a text from her, and I hadn't heard from her for a few weeks, asking me to come over (it was 10pm). She then called and we talked for awhile, she was pretty drunk (I was and still am clean since December last year). Basically she spelled it out that she wanted to sleep with me, ad by the end was literally begging, I declined for a few reasons, I didn't want to take advantage of her and I had somewhere to be in the morning. When she was sober the next day we talked a d he was embarressed buy said part of her really wanted some company. She got drunk on Sunday and asked me to come over again, I declined.

On the Monday I was out, and she texted, she hadn't drunk, and we just chat by text. When she was sober on Saturday she suggested we catch up when she was sober, so on Monday she invited me over. Unknown to me while I was driving over she started drinking, I wasn't exactly expecting an intimate encounter, when I got there after chatting for a couple of minutes she hugged me from behind and then started kissing me when I turned around, I could taste the alcohol (white wine). After kissing I expressed that I didn't want to take advantage of her but she said I wasn't.

To cut a long story short, we were intimate in bed (we didn't have sex per se, I lied and said I didn't have a condom). We would go out smoke and go back multiple times. Throughout this however she kept apologizing and asking if it was ok if we didn't go out, I was confused because I wasn't going to ask her out in this state. She did, very shyly say she was attracted to me though.

She had quite a backstory, she is extremely anxious (especially socially), has major trust issues and is still having trouble getting over her ex (he dumped her but continued to sleep with her, with her hoping they got back together for a year, he had no intention of getting together with her).

I stayed the night at hers in her little single bed and she was pretty mortified, she said she felt embarressed for her behavior and not being with me. Anyways, she hasn't drunk since that night and has done fantastically with that. We've texted every day since and talk on the phone most days since too. I really care about her and I liked her then but since talking my feelings have grown. I saw her 2 weeks ago and we just hung out, nothing sexual or close to it.. She's very conscious of her appearance and that she's boring me on the phone, I assure her that she's not. I know she's not ready for a relationship with anyone at the moment as I've been told, I haven't told her how I feel and frankly am scared to. I'd like to know how she feels about me, I'm doing my best to just be a friend to her at the moment. I'm seeing her tomorrow after her work at night just to hang out.

There's more I probably left out but it's getting to long already. I like and respect her too much to force her to make a decision but at the same time I can't help how I feel.

I'd appreciate any advice or questions anyone has.

[basilandthyme]

Hi Cold, kudos to you for not having sex with her while she was drunk. Your ability to make this decision speaks volumes about you and your progress. And well done on getting clean yourself.

You say that the two of you were in a private facility, so I assume you didn't do AA/NA. Do you still have contact with a counsellor who could advise you? My main concern is that you don't get too entangled with someone who is still abusing. As well as you are doing, I worry that she could drag you down. Or that she'll use you as a crutch and if your friendship falters, she may decline further.

I think you need to be very careful. And whatever you do, please protect your heart till you've both been sober for a substantial amount of time.