Complicated Secret Crush

[stuckgirl]

I have had a crush on a co-worker for a couple weeks and now I can't get him off my mind. The thing is that he looks like he's 10 years older than me, which would be okay, but I just found out he's 30 years older than me. I am married but it's a rocky marriage. I know my husband flirts so I thought it's okay if I flirt with this guy. But now that I found out he's so much older I feel like a creep to think about flirting, but I also can't get rid of the crush. I am around him almost every day in the same office but it's only a six-month contract so I feel like I should be able to deal with it.
How do I kick the crush or is it okay to flirt with someone my father's age?
I have no idea if he's caught on or if he's interested.

[TheEvilJester]

Honestly... I think the whole thing is a moot point if you ask me personally. You are married, so I don't think it is okay to flirt with anybody AT ALL no matter how happy or unhappy your marriage may be. It doesn't make it right for you to do it just because your husband does. Not in my book anyway. Believe me, that does NOT mean I am defending him. It is NOT right for him to do it either. I'm just saying, as the old saying goes, two wrongs don't make a right.

So, my personal advice would be to deal with your marriage first. That could either be A) seeing if there is a way you two can put the pieces back together and be happy again, or it could mean B) deciding it is just over, and it is better for you two to end things and go your separate ways. If that turns out to be the case, you should really give yourself time to reflect on the relationship, to grow and heal, to learn from your mistakes and his, etc. THEN worry about finding somebody else, or flirting with somebody new.

But, again, that is my opinion on the matter. Ignoring the marriage aspect for a second, I'll respond to your main question... Age is really just a number. Pretending your marriage ends and we fast forward to some time later, if that much of an age difference doesn't bother you, and it doesn't bother the guy either, then who cares really? For me personally, a 30 year age difference would feel like WAY too much. Way too much FOR ME. I do think a lot of people would agree with that sentiment too. But, at the end of the day, other people's opinions aren't all that important. If you are both adults, and are both happy, then why should a number matter? Granted, with an age difference that large there can be a lot of factors to consider (they will get to be elderly at times when you are still fairly young, for example). But, if it doesn't bother you why should it bother anybody else?

Again, though, for now I personally don't think you should even be pondering this question. I think better to deal with your marriage (whether that means working to try to save it or deciding it is best to end it), so that you can actually have a decent chance to be happy. Don't you think that is a chance you deserve? Good luck.

[Hooo!]

A rocky marriage?
Do you want to stay in it?

When it comes to sex or a fling then I don’t see the age gap matter. If you just want someone who gets physical in a nice way from time to time

If you are looking for a new relationship then it can still work with 30year difference. But that means you will be a caretaker more than a wife rather sooner then later