Best Friend/could have made the worst mistake ever!

[Sooner8149]

First off hello, I am new here and this is my first post. I am a 21 year old male, from Norman Oklahoma.

Anyways, I met this girl who lived across the hall from my apartment last January. Since then we have had a really good friendship. We tell each other everything and what not. Ever since this school year started, we have had 2 classes together, same major so we have alot of similar classes. Since this semester we have become really close, but deep down I have always wanted her as more then a friend though. Here is where the trouble starts...

Last night we went to a concert, we had a great time. We both had quite a bit of beer and we went to a Piano bar to chill out afterwords. Well we got to talking and somehow the subject came up of her and I being together. We talked more about it and she was telling me all this stuff about how she thinks we might be meant to be together and how are signs match up. She was asking me if I had ever thought of us together before and of course I had so I told her so. Well we kept talking and it was getting really wierd how things were lining up like what songs were being played and crap like that.

We leave the bar to go home, again we were both drunk. Long story short we end up back at her apartment and I spent the night there. No sex but we fooled around alot, she wanted to have sex and I said no b/c we were both drunk and I just didnt want it to be that way with her. So we went to sleep and woke up this morning together. I left at like 10:00. We havent talked much today, just a few text messages w/ no mention of what happend last night. Then I talked to her on AIM a little while ago and she was going back to the bar with one of her girlfriends. This girl always has some kind of a boyfriend or boyfriend type. She was getting hit on last night at the bar too and I was running guys off.

So...I am kind of freaking out about all this, I dont know what to think. The stuff she told me last night was not something I had ever heard her say before. She was sending me really clear signals that she felt the same way I did. I mean she even said she could see us married someday...I just dont know if she really meant it b/c she was drunk...does the truth come out then? I am afraid that I screwed this whole thing up by messing around with her. I can deal with not being with her romantically, but by no means do I want to lose a friend. That is why I am freaking out... Someone please help! Let me know what you think...thanks...sorry for the long post

[ExpoNovak]

She probably meant it and just feels awkward bringing it back up again in the sober light of day for fear that she has said way too much and now you will find her creepy/clingy/too affectionate and disappear forever like some other guy/s in the past surely has.

Your best bet is to ask for some time alone with her, watch a movie, have a few beers (enough to feel more inhibited but do NOT get drunk) and bring the conversation up again. Tell her you were pleased with her admissions and would like very much to see where this goes, blah blah. You get my point. Look her in the eyes, be firm and straight to the point. Don't beat around the bush you'll look weak. Then when all is said and done, set a date to have dinner or something nice. It's up to you to kill the awkwardness, now go do it.

[gHEXjt]

People say what they mean when they're drunk. You told her how you felt, and she was the one that made this conversation happen. What you need to do is sit down with her privately (while sober), and have a serious conversation about this with her. You don't need to necessarily talk about what you did at her apartment, as much as you should talk about what you discussed. Tell her that you were serious about what you said and don't want this to be awkward.

[Gigabitch]

Chill out, Sooner. You don't want her to see you looking spooked over the whole incident because the first thing she will think is that you didn't mean it. Be confident. When you see her, let yourself be happy, not worried.

[Sooner8149]

Hey thank you very much for your posts. That has helped me calm down alot. I am meeting her for lunch
Monday and I was going to talk to her about it again. I hope she still feels the same...but like everyone said, she probably meant it.

Now I just need to man up and ask her if she really meant it...any suggestions on how to do it? Like what to say/ask, as far as what we did at her apartment, thats not even an issue. This may sound bad, but this is the first girl I have ever dated that sex isnt the only thing I about...she seems like wife material.

[gHEXjt]

I think you should just tell her that you want to talk about the conversation you had the other night, and that you were serious about what you said. Obviously you'd need to elaborate more, but that should be the gist of it.

[Gigabitch]

Be ready to initiate. She'll probably be hanging back, watching you for a hint of how you're feeling.

If you've been thinking about her constantly since the other night, tell her. If you see a future with her and want to get into an exclusive relationship, tell her. Don't hold this stuff back.

That said, tell her all of this with as much confidence as you can muster. You're not crawling up to her looking for a treat. You're coming to her with a great idea- that the two of you get together officially. Be enthusiastic, even if you're cringing and freaking out on the inside.

[Sooner8149]

Well...It turns out it was drunken mistake...break out the scotch for me. I feel like a ****ing dumbass...

Let me ask u all this, how the **** do you say what she told me and not mean it? She said I think that we might wind up together someday but right now I am not ready for something real and will **** it up...whats that mean?

[Gigabitch]

Oh, my God! I can't believe she did that! I think she's lying. I don't know what her reasons are, but women don't get all drunk and start talking shit to get into a guy's pants.

This sucks.

I'd pour you a scotch, but I'm afraid we'd get drunk and end up in bed together, and I don't think my boyfriend would like that.

[gHEXjt]

Bummer dude. How did you start the conversation, or what did you say during the convo?

[wonderz]

Am pretty sure she is lying.
You know what , just act like it doesn't matter to you, talk to her like u used to, let her know u dating other girls, and that she ain't the center of the universe. If it's not possible with her, it will be with someone lucky enough to be with you. To be short , ignore her till she realizes that she can lose you.
She'll change her mind, guaranty!

[Sooner8149]

Sorry for the delayed response, our power has been off for a couple of days. Anyways, I dont know what her deal is. I am going to do exactly what you are saying wonderz, then we will see what happens. This whole situation has changed my opinoin of her somewhat. We have barely talked in the days since it happend but when we did we decided we still wanted to be friends. I hope it works out but if not I will find someone else.

[Sooner8149]

I'd pour you a scotch, but I'm afraid we'd get drunk and end up in bed together, and I don't think my boyfriend would like that.

LOL thats great!

[Gigabitch]

I heard Norman was all messed up because of the weather.

FYI, my grandpa was born in Norman.

[misombra]

she sounds like one of those girls who gets all drunk and turns into a cat in heat.

or, drunken whore, for short.