Please help!Torn between boyfriend of 5 years and a new guy

[rexonadeo]

My sister is in a lot of trouble and I feel a bit biased when trying to give her advice, so I'm basically begging for someone to help me out with this whole situation 'cause it's already gone that far it almost ruined christmas completely for our whole family.

My sister has been with her current boyfriend for 5 years and they're engaged. Everything has been good with them for the most part, no major fights throughout the years. They've grown quite alike eachother with time and some people might find them negative and boring, but they themselves have never complained or said anything about it.

Recently (2 months ago) my sister started talking about how a married man at her work had been giving her a little extra attention and she had trouble reading "the signs". At first i was pretty convinced that he was interested, but then i started doubting, 'cause it could've been that he was only being nice. At that time my sister said that it wouldn't matter to her if he was interested or not(even though she did seem to be doubting a little bit).

Well one thing led to another and at a christmas party at work a few weeks ago he told her he was interested in her and that he was kind of falling for her. They texted back and forth for weeks.

This man is 10 years older then her(36), has been with his wife for 15 years and has two kids,5 and 3.

After that party my sister started doubting her whole relationship with her current boyfriend, she said she was falling for the other guy yet said she was confused and couldn't tell what she really felt.
The man from work went on vacation with his family and during that week my sister was falling into pieces, she said she was missing him and that she felt really bad around her boyfriend and she wasn't sure of her feelings for him.

Now things have escaleted, and this man from work has said he's going to divorce his wife. He has said that his kids are priority no.1 for him.
My sister has gotten more interested in him , and is considering leaving her current boyfriend for this other man.

I'm a bit afraid that the only reason she's started to doubt her whole relationship is because she knows that there is another man who wants her, which makes me think her feelings for this other man are a bit fake or atleast not as real as she makes them out to be. Only that she can't see it cause she's so caught up with her feelings for this other man that he's just perfect in her eyes. I honeslty don't think she would've doubted her whole relationship like this if the other option was to be alone.

I'm a bit worried. Because her current boyfriend is nice, i guess people find him handsome, he takes care of her, she is his priority no.1 and he wants to marry her and have kids with her. He doesn't know anything about this other man, he has only been informed that she might want to break up with him. He's so confused and sad and really does want to give their relationship a second try to makes things better.

This other man however, I know very little about. All i know is that he's ready to leave his wife and two kids for my sister whom I think he barely really knows. His wife is apparently torn and wants him to give her a second try.

I'm just worried that if my sister chooses this other man from work who is 10 years older, who just bails out on his wife (whom he has been with for 15 years) without giving her a second chance, who says he won't do the same thing to my sister in a couple of years?

I'm just looking out for my sister, as of right now her emotions has gotten the best of her, and im afraid she's not thinking straight. I think it's time for her to settle, especially since she wants her own kids aswell.

So should i advice her to go with the feelings she has for this other man(which i think is just a crush) or should she give her current boyfriend an honest chance to see if things can get better between them and settle for the one who has been there for her through ups and downs?

[girl68]

One thing is for sure: nothing is going to be sorted out WHILE your sister is still talking to the old fart.

Cut contact with the other man, take some space for herself without her bf and ask her to think.

And I think you're right there would be no problems what so ever if there was no other man. If she were to be alone and single or with the bf she'd have no doubt in her mind.

[stevejohnson197]

wow...this is so sad to see.....im not judging.

i just hate to see crap like this.

[Petit Papillon]

I had very similar situation to Yours... My sister unfortunately choose the other guy... Now she`s married to someone else (but actually the same kind of person) and I really see it black.
I`m also so angry that she`s so naive and blind,but the truth is, You can control just Your life,nobody`s else... Sad ,but true... I wish it would be different but it isn`t...

[kai]

If she chooses the other guy, tell her ex to come here for help.

[lahnnabell]

I agree with the above posts. Sadly, there is not much you can do for her since these decisions are hers to make. The best you can do is lay it out for her, pros and cons. Remind her that
1. this man is married and whatever emotional connection they share already constitutes as an affair. Doesn't matter if they've never hugged, kissed, or held hands (though I'm betting they have).
2. that she is in no way above or better than his current wife and that he could just as easily flake on her.
3. his kids cannot possibly be a priority if he's floundering around with another woman like this.
4. he's a liar. he's lying to his wife and to his kids. does she really want to be with a man who would do this?

[Only-virgins]

One thing is for sure: nothing is going to be sorted out WHILE your sister is still talking to the old fart.

Cut contact with the other man, take some space for herself without her bf and ask her to think.

And I think you're right there would be no problems what so ever if there was no other man. If she were to be alone and single or with the bf she'd have no doubt in her mind.

Since when is being 36 an old fart?! wtf!?

You can control just Your life,nobody`s else... Sad ,but true... I wish it would be different but it isn`t...

Why? I don't want to control other people's lives.

[girl68]

I was being sooooooooo serious.

[Petit Papillon]

Why? I don't want to control other people's lives.

Well I do, cause when I see how my sister is stupid and blind , I would like to kick her head and find my old sister back ...Well at best I would like to kick this fake ass of her husband. I`m sure in few years when he gets European documents it`s going to be hell for her. And it`s even worse, cause I`m pretty sure she won`t say a word that she feels bad... I`m the 9 years younger sister,but if something happens I`m going to kick some asses for sure.

[jsulley]

it's good to help, but not to the extent of spreading rumours and half-truths. or even harassing the person with fake personas.

to the sister - i never thought you would breach the trust of privacy. it is not right.

[Petit Papillon]

it's good to help, but not to the extent of spreading rumours and half-truths. or even harassing the person with fake personas.

to the sister - i never thought you would breach the trust of privacy. it is not right.

I know my sister and I know what I see ,so don`t sell me a BS(if You were talking to me).

[Moe]

Well to a 26 year old 36 may be an old fart, I must be an antique though. LOL

If he is lieing and cheating on his wife with kids he will lie and cheat with your sister it's no different, he will tire of her also.

I hate cheaters so Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddddddddddddddd.

Honesty