Are women more socially developed? Or are men underdeveloped?

[Cyanosphere]

So I went to a bar with a friend the other day. He's the kind of guy who'll go into a bar and sulk in a quiet corner with his friends and talk to no one else. He'll then wonder why he didn't meet any girls.

I tried to get him out of his shell by forcing myself, and him, to break the ice and get talking to girls.

I tried approaching a couple of groups of girls. I didn't compliment them like I used to and you all said I shouldn't. I just tried to go in with a bit of confidence and energy and asking for things like movie suggestions, asking for what are good thai restaurants in the area, what is the best and worst things that happened to them last week, and then responding "well, TGIF, right?"

But it was so hard to get these girls to open up. Women seem so guarded in clubs and bars. Except for 1 girl who stuck around and chatted for a couple of minutes, I got short, curt responses, no interested questions back; the girls seemed on edge looking for an excuse to end a conversation.

I didn't press on more than I needed to. I ejected the first awkward silence or annoyed glare or sigh I got.

It's so hard to wrap my head around this. I used to be so shy and thought that as soon as I got over the fear of approaching and chatting to strange women, that was all that was needed to meet and find a GF.

But getting over the fear of approaching doesn't seem to be enough.

Like I said a couple of weeks ago, over the summer, I had to approach 30 strange women just to get a couple of dates and then only a brief fling with 1 girl.

What gives? Are women just incredibly guarded and untrusting of strangers? Or am I and my male friends just socially awkward?

Is there some secret way to avoid the awkward silences, the annoyed sigh/glare (or worse, the walk-away-without-a-word) and to get a strange women open and interested?

[Mish]

Bars and clubs are not the right places to meet decent women, you should try your luck in other places. Try sport clubs, class environment that gives lessons in something or hit meetup.com. You'll find a lot more luck meeting women you can talk to there. The only luck you'll have in bars and clubs is with shitfaced girls.

[Cyanosphere]

Bars and clubs are not the right places to meet decent women, you should try your luck in other places.

I'm sorry, but it really bothers me when people say this.

A woman, or anyone in general, isn't "decent" just because they're in the bar?

Everyone goes to bars! After work, after school, to meet up with friends, people go to bars; ordinary regular people, not drunks and losers.

Have you ever been inside of a bar? Did you stop being a "decent" person the second you stepped in?

[Mish]

When I was in a bar I was there for other purposes. Those who go there to pick up are automatically indecent in most people's books.

If you are really here for suggestions, then you should focus on suggestions you are given instead of showing outrage at people's comments. Otherwise you make it difficult for people to want to help you.

[Wallace Stevens]

How tall are you? Attractive?

[Cyanosphere]

When I was in a bar I was there for other purposes. Those who go there to pick up are automatically indecent in most people's books.

So who's "indecent?" The guys going there to "pick up?"

Because I thought you said it was the women who weren't "decent."

[Cyanosphere]

How tall are you? Attractive?

Don't know my height; average I guess. I'm no supermodel, but I've been complimented on my looks before by women.

I'm pretty sure it's not my looks or physique that's the problem. It's definitely my conversation pieces or the women themselves.

[Mish]

So who's "indecent?" The guys going there to "pick up?"

Because I thought you said it was the women who weren't "decent."

What I meant by that is you won't find anyone worthy because the only group of women you might be successful with are drunk women. The "decent" women who go there come with expectation that they will be hit on and are ready to shoot you down even before you walk through the door. I.e. the source of your problems and thread title confusion.

Any other questions?

[tooxshort]

Your title doesn't match the content ...

Anyhow, women are heavily guarded and untrusting of strangers because they can be that way. If they don't like you, it's all good because they'll just wait for someone they like better ...

If you're striking out in conversation, you can't expect them to gravitate to you ... or they might just know you're not their type.

Everyone goes to bars! After work, after school, to meet up with friends, people go to bars; ordinary regular people, not drunks and losers.

Have you ever been inside of a bar? Did you stop being a "decent" person the second you stepped in?

That's not what he meant ... The bar scene just isn't realistic in terms of finding a relationship. I think the vast majority of bar patrons are there to have a few drinks, let loose, and have a great time. Just getting wild, you know?

And yes, a lot of people that go to bars get drunk ... and some are complete losers. Back in my single days, bars were feeding grounds to get laid ... not to find Mrs. Right. Men are a dime a dozen at bars ... An attractive female has the option of "filtering" out the males ... Drunk dudes develop sparks much more easily.

Any trust me when I say this... Yes, I've been to many, many, MANY bars ...

[Cyanosphere]

Your title doesn't match the content ...

Anyhow, women are heavily guarded and untrusting of strangers because they can be that way. If they don't like you, it's all good because they'll just wait for someone they like better ...

uhh, how is that all good? That kinda sucks (for me atleast)

If you're striking out in conversation, you can't expect them to gravitate to you ... or they might just know you're not their type.

How could they possibly know that? They don't know anything about me.

The whole point of me trying to strike up a conversation is to get to know eachother and see if we match well together. How am I supposed to know that if they don't open up? How could they know I'm not for them if they don't make an effort to get to know me back?

That's not what he meant ... The bar scene just isn't realistic in terms of finding a relationship. I think the vast majority of bar patrons are there to have a few drinks, let loose, and have a great time. Just getting wild, you know?

And yes, a lot of people that go to bars get drunk ... and some are complete losers. Back in my single days, bars were feeding grounds to get laid ... not to find Mrs. Right. Men are a dime a dozen at bars ... An attractive female has the option of "filtering" out the males ... Drunk dudes develop sparks much more easily.

Any trust me when I say this... Yes, I've been to many, many, MANY bars ...

Wait, bars are feeding grounds to get laid?

Because I'm barely getting conversations, much much less getting laid.

So what do I have to do to succeed in the bar scene?

[Mish]

Because I'm barely getting conversations, much much less getting laid.

So what do I have to do to succeed in the bar scene?

You don't need to strike a conversation with a drunk woman, what he meant by feeding grounds for getting laid is that there are a lot of predatory men stalking the scene waiting for women to get drunk so they can take advantage of them. Women will be guarded because this is the automatic expectation they will have of you.

Find a scene more worthy of your time.

[Bumble_bee]

It actually surprises me that the women in the bar were guarded, but then again, going to a bar doesn't mean they are looking for a date either.

Its hit and miss really...

If it was me the only thing that would put me off a guy coming over to talk to me, is if I have seen him already trying to strike a converstaion with the rest of the girls in the bar.

[lostinconfusion]

i think i have a tip that might help. my sister was telling me the other day that when her and her bf go out with their single male friends, having a girl in their group makes the girls A LOT friendlier and open to having a conversation with the singles in the group. so if you bring a girl or two with you, just casual friends, and you all look like you are just there having a good time and relaxing, then if you try to strike up a conversation the other girls will know you are not just there specifically looking for a lay, but are out having a good time just like them. and the fact that you already have females for friends shows that you are not some weird pervert. hope this helps and good luck :-)

[Cyanosphere]

And yes, a lot of people that go to bars get drunk ... and some are complete losers. Back in my single days, bars were feeding grounds to get laid ... not to find Mrs. Right. Men are a dime a dozen at bars ... An attractive female has the option of "filtering" out the males ... Drunk dudes develop sparks much more easily.

Is this really what you meant to type? Are you saying that in order to better meet women in bars, I have to get completely wasted?

[Bumble_bee]

I do not totally go with what is being said here, yes many go to bars for a quick pick up, and if Cyno's looks/physique is not what is holding him back then what is?

Not ALL chicks go to bars with the mind to get laid, who's to say they are not there just to enjoy a jolly old drink with their girlfriends? I met 2 of my past boyfriend in bars ( and I no I was not looking for a quick lay) and both relationships lasted quite long (what I mean is they were lovely guys, and they were not hunting me down for sex only)

So as I mentioned before Cyno, it is just a matter of hit and miss, do not let a cpl of set backs throw your confidence, you shall meet someone, just dnt restrict yourself to finding her in a bar, but do not put all women into one pigeon whole either.