Is this going to end badly? Advice needed!

[chillipepper333]

Hey,

I met a guy about 3 months ago, started off great at for a couple of weeks. He was very into me, introduced me to his mates etc all was great. Then I freaked out a bit too early on after I felt he went cold after we were 'intimate' together, we didnt' have sex though. Anyway, we have since been in contact every few weeks. He started with the late night texts which the majority I ignored. Both of us blow hot and cold because we have been hurt before with other people. He knows I like him but also won't put up with his rubbish either. We bumped into each other this weekend in a local pub and ended up sleeping together which I was annoyed by. The sex was rubbish and we had zero connection. He said he didn't want a relationship but happy to meet for a drink and if I didn't pressurize him then perhaps he would want something with him. I haven't really pressurized him at all TBH it's all in his head. That evening he booty called me and I basically told him to f*off with some brutal words. A couple of days later he wrote me a message apologising saying he was sorry and that he was hoping we could be friends as we got on but wasnt looking for anything right now. So I literally came down on him like a ton of bricks and said I wasn't the type of girl to put up with rubbish like that, that I wasn't hurt but more annoyed that I slept with him as he is rubbish in bed. He was pretty shocked. The long and short of it is we are meeting as 'friends' next week for a drink. We want to meet to meet and wipe the slate clean to see if we are compatible. I just don't know how to handle this guy. He blows hot and cold. Is there anyway I can get him interested in more and behaving like a gentleman again? Or is this destined to be a mess? Anyone have any experience of guys like this?

Many thanks

[smackie9]

Sorry but he's right you did pressure him because you just admitted that you freaked on him.....he pretty much though you got way too attached. I doubt he went cold, he was just taking things casual.

You made the choice to sleep with him, he didn't hold a gun to your head and well if it wasn't good that was probably because you were both shi t faced.

In a nut shell you ain't ready to connect with anyone. And is not him it's all you.

[basilandthyme]

If you want a guy to behave like a gentleman, you would be wise to start acting like a lady.

[DalM0m]

This mess already ended badly. Resurrecting it will only make it end worse the next time.

You wanted a relationship but settled for a ONS (twice) & then got mad at him even though it was your choice to sleep with him both times.

It would be a rare man indeed who would take you back after you disparaged his sexual technique. If he is such rubbish in bed, why do you want him back anyway?

[Maple1714]

If the sex was bad then why are either of you still talking to one another??? If you aren't hurt, then why come posting on here? How about some honesty? Do you have romantic feelings for this guy? I am thinking you do, or else you wouldn't care about any of this so much. If you do, then just tell him you like him, want to try dating, you aren't into casual sex/booty calls/Friends w/benefits etc...see what he says. Sounds like he just wants a friends w/benefits type thing...and you don't. Best thing you can do is cut ALL contact and move on. You both blow hot and cold b/c you are both too chicken to be really honest and communicate with one another like adults.

I say, tell him to get lost and you work on figuring out what you want. Also, wait a while to have sex with someone...wait until you know what you want, have made it clear to the other person and then have sex if that person also wants the same type of relationship you want.

[smackie9]

Tip: just because you give a guy sex doesn't mean you are entitled to a relationship.

[Paul07]

Don't be surprised if the sex is bad when there's no connection and don't be nasty if after sleeping with you a guy doesn't want anything serious. You've got a pretty unattractive bad temper too when things don't work out your way.

[michelle23]

Typical player. Using the whole emotionally unavailable card as a way to use you by saying "hes been hurt" and hinting that he may onr day want more if you play it cool.. whatever.. fall for his BS if you want and be a fool for the prick. If it were me id not bother turning up for that drink, id play him at his own game, act as if i couldnt give a toss and let him do all the chasing. Then id tell him im too good for the likes of him after making him sweat for awhile and tell him to take a flying jump off the nearest bridge. Maybe in future you shouldnt sleep with someone until you know for sure hes on the same page but right now you would be dodging a bullet by deleting this cunt from your life. Otherwise prepare for one big dysfunctional mess of a "relationship" with a guy who will use you up until every ounce of your self esteem is gone before he throws you away like a dirty tissue and moves onto his next victim. Men like him are insects that need to be squashed quickly. Dont delude yourself into believing hes interested in being your friend or your bf..

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[TablesandChairs]

You can't force people to want a relationship with you...his messages are clear but you're letting yourself become confused because you're hoping for more. If he wanted a relationship, he'd be pursuing you consistently - the sex would have been good (maybe awkward as most first times are but definitely not lazy or blah) and he'd wouldn't be actually telling you he doesn't want a relationship. What more is there?

He's playing around, dipping his toes in, then out...why bother?

[kstsdgutkrrb]

Yah... not worth it. But I'm sure he is thinking the same thing.

[smackie9]

You know most are willing to call the guy a douche, but so far he's not the one being one. BTW a player is a guy who will fill a girl's head with lies and false promises to get sex.....this guy has been pretty up front.
Like I said the OP has some emotional issues that need some ironing out.

[HeartIsAching]

So... you thought he didn't give you the attention you wanted after the 1st time, and played games with him. When he figured out that you weren't all that interested, he quit bothering you. Then you ran into him at a pub and you ****ed him... and afterwards you told him he wasn't any good in bed.

This guy doesn't blow hot and cold, he takes you at your word.

You on the other hand, reek of "psycho bitch".